I'm new here, and I want to thank anyone for their reponses about my problem(s) ahead of time.
To start, I've been with my SO for 2 years. We just moved in together a few months ago. He has a lot of abandonment issues prior to us getting in a relationship (his father left him at a very early age). When we first started dating, he was very self-assured-- almost borderline cocky. I hadn't been with someone before who was so confident, and it was a complete relief. I didn't have to "stroke" his ego, nor did I have to reassure him of my feelings for him. Everything was perfect until about a year ago. He started getting over-protective, insecure, and I daresay posessive. When I asked him what changed, he said, "I dunno, I guess before I didn't realize how much I had to lose when it came to you." He further explained that I was the first person he was fully able to open-up to, and that in the beginning of our relationship, he didn't see "us" going very far. I guess my outcry here is this: I'm overwhelemed. I have done everything in my power to reassure him that I'm not a cheater (never have been, never will), that he has no reason to be this insecure, and I have even suggested therapy (to which he replied, "I don't like involving other people in our business.") and he still persists. I don't even want to go home anymore, because it's getting to the point where I can't have "away time" from him, and he gets jealous when I get ready for work when I put makeup on! I just don't know what to do, but I am virtually exhausted. ...Help? Thank you!View Thread
I agree completely. I had hit a rough patch recently with my significant other, and we've done just this very thing you suggested and its made our bond stronger, if not "bullet-proof." Thank you for letting others know that sometimes all it takes to work it out is complete disclosure (in a delicate way, as Dennis so appropriately stated).View Thread
gd9900: "My guess is your BF's behavior changed because he didn't see things going in the direction they have, and because he values you in his life he is afraid of losing you and is reacting in the only way he knows how. What he needs is to find a way to address his fears and feel comfort in that. It's not fair for him to expect you to take that on and deal with it form him. Thank you so much. I think you hit the nail right on the head. The thing is, I always swore I wouldn't marry a man like my father. Well, we aren't married, but it's like I found one who warped into my father. I always promised myself I wouldn' tb einvolved in a destructive relationship, but I've done it time and time again. Often, I've wondered if it is me. He's got such a good heart, but I wonder if he's doomed to be this way forever. Hopefully, thereapy helps.View Thread
Dennis: Thank you for your kind words and advice as well. I'm going to suggest couples therapy. I love him, and hope he loves me enough to try this. I just need to know if this can work or not. If it can't, I need to know now. It may sound childish, but I would be devastated if he wasn't in my life. I'm just hoping he can be the man I know he can, and the man I need him to be.View Thread
Cocoom814: Thank you so much for your incite. He's never been physically abusive to me, but psychologically he's a child. He turns things that I say back on me and tries to manipulate the situation until I feel like the bad guy for being "unreasonable." He accuses me of this all the time, and when I say that he's the first to switch a situation around, I'm being "ridiculous." He works full-time, and I think it's times when we're apart that he lets his mind go wild about what/who I could be doing. I know that there are always two-sides to one story... But I don't feel unreasonable by wanting him to feel secure in our relationship. I've tried so hard to reassure him. And last night, he went through my phone. I was confiding in my best friend, and he got upset. I'm afraid he's going to be this little boy forever. I love him, but I need some give and take.View Thread
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