My boyfriend and I have been together about 2 1/2-years now. I should have noticed it at the beginning but it has become far more aparent now. He is a manager at a store with odd hours and odd days off. He is either on the phone texting co-workers or speaking with them on the phone. Initially, it was about orders that need to be made while he isn't at the store. The conversations can be work related and it can be gossip and frustration about higher up management or just about anything to complain about other peers.
We have been living together the past year. So, I can over hear his conversations because he speaks loudly. When he is frustrated about something at his work, I feel like he is taking it out on me because I can sense the tension and hear it in his voice and then he begins to complain about something in our home. I feel forced to listen about his complaining with no solutions or ideas on how to make his employment more enjoyable.
Lately, he has become even more bitter and frustrated with his employment. So, the only thing he wants to talk about is work and its problems. In the beginning he spoke about returning to college, now it is nothing but excuses and complaining when I ask him about college for upward mobility. It is driving me crazy. I have even told him so in a polite manner how his stress is stressing me out. I also try to encourage him to seek new employment or seek a solution to the problems. I recomend books or other types of tools to help but in return he says things to me that I complain about things also? I have shut down with anything that troubles me because he is quick to jump to a conclusion and give his opinion. For myself, I find it rare to give him advice unless he asks and I mostly listen.
For fear or regret of an argument, I fib when he asks what is wrong and I say, "nothing" when he is what is troubling me.
How do I return the focus on him when I exress his job stress is causing me stress? Also, when he turns the problem to me, how do I get him to understand if he has a problem with something about me or my character, then bring it up then not when I bring up something about him? Or could this just be a man set in his ways and I am wasting my time? I know the only one I can change is me. I just don't know how to cope with his constant conversations of work troubles.View Thread
Your advice makes sense. I will have to practice your advice to stay on topic and he can bring up his issues with me at another time. And yes, due to other situations occuring with his ex wife and son also causing some stress to him. I may be at the end of my rope with him.View Thread
I can relate in some ways. I have been on depression meds for more than 15-years. I was married and recently divorced. My ex-husband was a habitual cheater. I would try to forgive but would remain bitter. After a 22-year relationship, I was ready to call it quits when he was diagnosed with throat cancer. This caused more stress on me because he was ill and I had so much hurt and anger towards him but knew I had to take care of him since he was on my health insurance and we have kids together.
After a few months of radiation, he began to heal and I left. My oldest had moved out already a couple years prior to my departure and my other children were seniors in high school at that time.
I did so much thinking my high school kids would move with me but they stayed with their father. As months went by, I felt guilty for leaving. But living there with that man I had learned cheated yet again had me in a deaper depression. So, long story short, I would say you shouldn't feel guilty for leaving if you were unhappy. I have learned that being depressed over all of those years only showed my children a disfunctional marriage. This may be true for your step-son by misunderstanding your marriage to his father was the right way to function as a couple. My ex even put our kids in the middle saying things like, "how could you do this to us?"
My kids, now adults, have shared with me how they were confused by their father and I showing no display of affection when their friends parents did. I have apologized to my now adult children for not being the right role model for them when it came to relationships. I pray they end up in happy and healthy relationships in their future.
I too want to rid myself of the depression meds. I am going to try exercising more including yoga and learn meditation now that I am divorced. I don't feel guilty for taking my medication for it is my way of coping to go to work and go outside (social phobia and post traumatic stress disorder). However, I know they will cause health problems.
Sorry to hear about the cost increase of your therapy. I pray things look up for you soon. View Thread