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What I've learned - a guys perspective.

Don't look for someone because you need to feel complete; that goes for both sexes. Make...

Posted by mikeydell

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3 Replies | ReplyReport This| Share this:What I've learned - a guys perspective. Don't look for someone because you need to feel complete; that goes for both sexes. Make...

Reply: What just happened here?

I will say this...it's not easy, especially this time around! This one hit very, very...

Posted by mikeydell

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What just happened here?

I am a retired male aged 59. My 4 month relationship with a 55 year old woman - who has...

Posted by mikeydell

I am a retired male aged 59. My 4 month relationship with a 55 year old woman - who has now been divorced for 2 months after a legal separation of 2 years, ended abruptly last week. After getting 2 phone calls from her ex - one in my presence stating "he was lonely", then telling me "he said all the right things" after the second call 2 days later and asking me what to do (I told her to follow her heart and "you know how I feel about you") then meeting with him and their grown children she texted me that our relationship was over, she had to follow her heart and hoped I understood. She told me she had packed some items of mine to send me and requested her keys back ASAP.

We originally met online, talked and then met in public and discovered we liked each other and had things in common. She is a registered nurse in my state. I learned that she had tried suicide twice as a young girl - her mother was very strict with her and her sisters and she always felt unloved and unappreciated. Her dad was always working - law and politics. Her parents divorced in her teens and her dad remarried into a family of 7, she moved in with him. She has to be on medication for her depression due to the suicide attempts. Also, she recently went on anti-anxiety meds because she said she never felt so happy in her life and she felt like she was going to die. I went with her to the psychologist that day. She also suffered from bulimia at some point in her life and she suffers from SAD.

In her first year of marriage she went for counseling and was told to get out of the marriage ASAP - her husband was a narcissist and would never change. She left the marriage before do to his alcoholism but went back for the sake of her 2 daughters and she even attended Al Anon with him in hopes of fixing the marriage. When she put her foot down about his drinking he left and demanded the divorce. She discovered that he was at a recent New Years party and was drunk, she was upset and told one daughter about it; her daughter stuck up for the dad. Her close friends and some family members (her dad was one) that I met told me they do not like her ex for the way he's treated her through the years. I am probably leaving out things but that's the gist of it.

During this relationship we endured her moving out of her home of 30 years, her being without a permanent home for 6 weeks, the affects of hurricane Sandy, the death of her mother, her permanent relocation and purchases of a new car and new furniture and situational depression re all of the above. Between all of this we did make time for church, recreation and caring, loving and robust intimacy life. She was very happy I know, but I believe overwhelmed by all of the affection I gave to her.

I am concerned that she is going back to this man because of pressure from him and her 2 daughters and not love. I believe he is jealous of her happiness and is taking advantage of her being naive and insecure. She told me he was a very charming talker and very manipulative. I worry that she is making a very poor choice as she alluded that she knows she is chasing a dream and hoping for a miracle on this venture. I realize that it could be an ego thing on my part, but I truly am concerned for her and he mental well being.

Did/do I ever stand a chance with this woman? What else could I do/ have done? What could/should I expect? I told her that I am here if/when she ever needs me and that I love her. Is it love or pity on both of our parts? I was married for 30 years and I've been single for the last 6 and I have 2 children in their 30's. I've dated others and I am not desperate in that area of my life and I am not looking for completion (we had that discussion earlier in the relationship).

What now?View Thread

Posted bymikeydell

15 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:What just happened here? I am a retired male aged 59. My 4 month relationship with a 55 year old woman - who has...

Reply: What just happened here?

An_248371 when I am on a date and we're just talking I will listen and pay attention to...

Posted by mikeydell

An_248371 when I am on a date and we're just talking I will listen and pay attention to what she has to say — I believe that's important at any stage of a relationship. Talking about one's ex never makes me feel intimidated, threatened or uncomfortable because I am secure in who I am and besides, everyone has some baggage. However, if that ex is a gun collector/owner, mobster, LEO, military or ex military, etc., I need to know all about it!

If the talk becomes excessive, or gets out of hand then I will bring it to her attention and discuss whether or not she's really ready for dating. By the way, I do not and never will date a married woman. Period! Amen! So, knowing and learning certain things about a person early on are very important and that cuts both ways.

I don't like to delve into anyone's past. Usually when we've been going out for a while and we're comfortable with each other we open up about our lives and mention things without having to be prodded. That was the case with my last relationship, the only problem was that she wasn't totally honest with herself or me about her feelings for the ex. Does she really love the guy, or does she just need him to stay connected to her past? That's the $64,000 question! Towards the end of our relationship she started to exhibit red flags and looking back now without my rose colored glasses on I can see them vividly. As beautiful of a person as she is, she has a lot of unresolved issues. It's sad to say, but both of them do!

As far as my profile goes I took it down as I am no longer on that site — I felt there wasn't a need for it anymore when I met her. When it was up I was contacted by several women that said they liked what they read and how it was written.

I intend to take it easy with dating for a while. I must reassess my needs and my wants and adjust my life accordingly. Over the last 18 months I've learned a lot about myself with the gist of it coming in these last 4 months alone. I feel as if I had lived a lifetime with that woman, especially with all that we braved and experienced together.

Thanks for your reply.

Mike
View Thread

Posted bymikeydell

15 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:What just happened here? An_248371 when I am on a date and we're just talking I will listen and pay attention to...

Reply: What just happened here?

The answer to your question cocom814 is an emphatic yes! I've dated 3 women in the...

Posted by mikeydell

15 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:What just happened here? The answer to your question cocom814 is an emphatic yes! I've dated 3 women in the...

Reply: What just happened here?

Sorry for the duplicate posts! Mike

Posted by mikeydell

15 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:What just happened here? Sorry for the duplicate posts! Mike

Reply: What just happened here?

displaced83 and Rohvannyn I would like to thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's...

Posted by mikeydell

15 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:What just happened here? displaced83 and Rohvannyn I would like to thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's...

Reply: What just happened here?

displaced83 and Rohvannyn I would like to thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's...

Posted by mikeydell

15 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:What just happened here? displaced83 and Rohvannyn I would like to thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's...

Reply: What just happened here?

I got a phone call from the ex-GF recently. She told me reluctantly that she agreed to...

Posted by mikeydell

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Reply: What I've learned - a guys perspective.

Thanks Vicki, I'm glad I got most of it correct. And you hit the nail right on the head...

Posted by mikeydell

3 Replies | ReplyReport This| Share this:What I've learned - a guys perspective. Thanks Vicki, I'm glad I got most of it correct. And you hit the nail right on the head...

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