I have no idea where to start. I feel like my whole world just unraveled. I've been in a relationship with a man for seven years, we've had our ups and downs, even a few breakups for never more than two days. We've just always been drawn together.
He has Admitted a fear of commitment. So I was very well aware of this in the beginning.
In spite of this, he has always been very loving, giving, and thoughtful towards me.
I began noticing a change when we agreed that we wanted to move in together.
He would back away, stating that he didn't know if he loved me, I cried, and a few days later, he wanted to "stop this and get back together", because he decided that he must love me if he missed me that much. He even said that he felt sick without me.
Then, it started happening more often. And each time, he threw out more insults. I was dumbfounded. How could a man who loved me, do this? He blamed me for everything.... Our fights (NEVER bad ones, but in his head, they were HUGE!), he felt trapped, he didn't know if he loved me (again) because I "forced" him into our relationship....
At one point, there was an issue on his part with pornography, which I was very understanding about and I even helped him get through that. He admitted that wasn't what he wanted to be... So, once again, I was there. However, during his NEXT freak out, he told me that was my fault too.
Thennnnn, it was my kids. My daughter is grown, but he had himself convinced that my son would resent him. You'd have to know my son to understand, but he is the most easy going kid on earth.... He would never resent him, the thought of that is ridiculous.
After that, he decided that he hated the town I lived in, he's only 20 minutes from me! He said that he felt like I was forcing him to move here. Granted, I don't want to uproot my son, who's been in the schools and sports here, his whole life. But the subject was not closed to discussion. I told him that I never wanted him to feel like he didn't have a say in our lives....
After that, he decided that he didn't want to leave his house and garage...(it's a rental home!!!!!)
By now, I'm wondering if he'd do ANYTHING to contribute to our relationship!
Another change up....
Everything was wonderful for the past six months. Beyond wonderful. He told me that he was ready to move forward with me, that I was his best friend and that he was grateful that I never gave up. He told me how much he loved me and how I'd changed his life for the better. He even added me as a beneficiary to his life insurance. He said that if anything ever happened, he wanted to make sure that my son and I were taken care of.
Christmas was almost magical. I was most impressed by the card he bought for me. He told me that he got choked up in the store when he read it... Said that he knows he's not great with words, but if he was, it would be exactly what he would say. He signed it "you are my baby and I'll love you forever". I told him how much that meant to me and cried more happy tears than I ever have.
And then the bottom just dropped out. He said more hurtful things to me, three weeks after he'd professed his undying love for me than I've ever heard. He told me that he wasn't in love anymore, that he stayed with me out of pity, because he didn't like to see me upset. That he didn't want to give up his life and that he is positive that he would be unhappy with me. He told me that he wanted a change in his life, that he wanted to move forward, just not with me. He hoped that someday we could be "friends" again, because he knows that if anything ever happened, I'd be the first person he turned to. After that, he told me how much he respected me and then, in the very next breath, to get over him and to make this the last time I called him.
My mind is reeling, I barely even know my own name at this point. I feel like the past seven years was nothing but a lie.
Yet, at the end of the day, I'm still in love and I miss him terribly.
Thank you for your response...
I am lucky to have some great friends and amazing co workers.
They are all making it clear that they've got my back. I adore all of them for it.
I'm still having trouble though. I try really hard not to let the "good memories" creep in.... But they do, and then I have to remind myself of the bad times, of the hurt I'm going through now and how hard it is to just get through a day.
Every other day I cry, and then there are days that I can get through. I try to keep busy and keep my mind off of it, but seven years kind of creeps in to everything. I just want it to stop.
I feel like my life isn't mine anymore and like all I do is wear myself out. How do you make that go away? Sorry.... Rough night... Again....View Thread
Thank you, and I know you're right. I really am trying, but I'm finding that the most difficult thing to get over IS all of the times he built me up. I realize that, for years, I was waiting for validation from him.... I should have been finding that from within and I wasn't. It's a hard thing to get over. I still feel hurt and lonely even though I have a tremendous support system. I'm trying to be kinder to myself and I am making more of an effort to spend more time doing the things I enjoy. Sadly, it's just not as much fun as it used to be... I'm hoping that will change soon.
I don't really have much of a choice, these are the cards I was dealt, I have to find a way to play them.... It just really sucks right now....
One day, I'll wake up happy.... Even if its just for that ONE day. At least then ill feel like I'm making progress.View Thread
I agree.... He does take advantage of the fact that I've always been there. He's even admitted that he never looks at a breakup is a permanent thing because he know I'll be there. Once, ONCE, he said he felt like he'd lost me. And it scared him, but it didn't do much to make him realize what he had.
His mom called me yesterday and checked in on me. I know she feels awful, and can't believe her son could be such a mess. She just wanted me to know that she and her husband would always love me and that I'll always be family. I'm grateful to have them, but wow, it hurts to talk to her. She's very careful not to talk about him, which is appreciated...
I haven't spoken to him in about two weeks, although I did get a text from him asking if my daughter was okay. She was taken to the hospital and he found out. It was a very short text, I told him she had an appointment on Friday, and that was it.
I really do deserve someone who cares. It just seems that I was always there for him, and when I need support, it's too much trouble.
I'm just seeing him for the selfish person he is... And it hurts, but I'm trying....View Thread