I'm glad you have see the light. You got married, he didn't change. Marriage always makes a bad relationship worse. I'm sorry, but he has no respect for you. I lived with this type of person for the last 10 of the 19 years of my marriage. Sex was a chore and she didn't like to do chores. Her cigarettes and coffee was more important than me. I buy her flowers, I got "What the F*** is that for?" Not thank you.
He has to be in control and he has the check book. He doesn't want to change for you. Like you said the dog is more important.
Don't be embarressed about getting a divorce and moving out. You'll be suprised how many people seen it before you did. What other people think is NOT important. Do they sign your check, do they feed you, or do they have to put up with the crude your husband puts you through? NO. You'll find a lot of support out there, if your willing to work and be on your own.
When I'm in a relationship, I want sex. If he won't even try, it's time to go.
All in all, It's up to you. What do you want to live with or without?
I'm glad your working and getting off assistance. I applaude your determinination and drive. I'm sorry he has problems communicating, but he did communicate to you at one time. He doesn't want to be with you. He left and took all your money. Now he's back and complaining. Not communicating.
His inability to communicate may just be the tip, I think. I think your having culture differences and as Roh stated, you standing on your own 2 feet and he's not use to that. Each part of the world, as you know, do things differently. I lived in Italy for 2 years and what a culture shock I had when I moved to Iceland. Both wonderful countries, but 2 totally different cultures. Then I came back to America and again what a difference. I could barely communicate with my own parents. Talk to yes, communicating was difficult. What I took for granted, was much different when I returned.
Be your own woman. Don't let others control you and what you want. If you want to stay married, counselor and hard work. If he doesn't want to stay married, no matter how much you try, it won't work.
Again Congrats on the weight loss and taking back your life.
Hi Smiley, Are you calling me and Dennis old? (LOL) I can say I'm a trifle seasoned, but I'm not old by a long shot. There may be a little snow on the roof, but there is plenty of fire in the furnace. It's the cobwebs in the attic that are a pain. Hope hubby is waking up to the new world, one way or another.
You feel the issues are with you and not with your bf. You say you have never had a trusting relationship with anyone. Identifing the problems are the first step in fixing them.
I don't know what your position is, but find someone close by to talk to. A councelor, a church leader, or a mental health professional. Find some one locally to help resolve your trust issues. It will make your life a lot easier. Look on line for some local help. Then get bf involved with it.
In any relationship, you have to work together. If only one of 2 are working, it will never get done.
Sound like the trust and the respect is gone. As for the advise he gets from his "open" marriage friends, they're married and your not. Their partners want to live that way, and you don't. What advise do they have that will benefit you. It's ok for them to sleep around. You don't want to have that kind of relationship.
There's no trust. You've caught him in the middle of the night on the phone. There's no respect. He constantly watches porn and I'm sure he's paying for the sites. Your fighting 2x a month and you've broken up a few (more than 3) times in over a year. Honey, I think it's time to move on. He wants an open relationship, then give it to him. Leave him.
He's broken 2 of my golden rules for a relationship. He doesn't respect you, You can't trust him, and he wants to see other people. He doesn't want to be there. If you work it out, great. If you don't, it's only be a year of your life. Live for you and your peace of mind, not stressed and worried. That's not love.
I hope your son is getting what he needs. I hope you see that we'll help you get what you need. Talk to us and let us help. Every time us talk to us, your helping yourself. I can promise we won't judge you or "B***h" at you. We all just want to hear from you. Remember, it may be -10 degrees outside, but you had to wake up to find that out. Take all the blessings you can get.
I hope it's getting better. Be very careful about the other woman. Your husband was/is her supervisor. If she wants to get nasty, she can. Your husband is a complete idiot. A sexual harrasment law suite against him and the company he works for can ruin you. "He was my supervisor and told me that I had to have sex with him to keep my job." Does that sound like he was very smart. The company is covered with the evaluations and could fire him if he keeps it up.
When you confront him, make sure you have all the facts and paperwork in order. This started over 3 months ago. His stressor are going to increase if he doesn't change his ways. Remind him also, if he keeps the stressors coming, you'll enjoy his death benefits and his children will grow up with out a father. Even a cheating example of a father is better than no father. He just won't be living in the same house.
My mother told me, later in life, of the crap my father put her through. They divorced when I was 9. He would get drunk (drinking up his check) and whoring around the bars with his buddies. He's 74 years old, is still a drunk and would mount any woman who would have him. He's my father and I love him. I know I can't change him, but I know I won't be him. I'm very glad to still have him. He was an example of what I didn't want to be.
MrTim, I like your view point. An_255297, I understand and appreciate your point of view. pamsarris I hope you can get him to return to your relationship or you get out of a bad relationship. Thank you Dr. Leslie. You gave this man a home run on advise.
The OP's wife is going through the change of life. This is an all encompassing change. This will affect her physically and emotionally. He needs to be supportive and caring. Leave her flowers, notes, or gifts. Show her that he's there for her.
Also if he thinks he's not going to be able to trust her, then they need to get in to some counceling. HIM first. His first marriage, he stated, was broken up due to trust issues. Just because she's not talking to him, doesn't mean she's cheating on him.
I can also agree if he has tried everything and she still doesn't return his affection, GOOD BYE, A relationship has to have affection. Why be married if you can't get affection from your partner. Not just sex, but affection. Yes Sex Is Important. It really does a number on a man's ego, if the woman he loves, turns her head when he goes to kiss her or pulls her hand away from his.
Mercy sex is even worse. "Hurry up, I have better things to do" is a really good turn, isn't guys. Your not just having sex by yourself. That's call masturbation. You want her to enjoy it, also. All in all, relationships/marriages are a 50/50, 2way road. Each has to want to be there.
Thanks Smiley for the vote of confidence. Without seeing the problem, here's a general note.
A good relationship has to have 3 things. Respect for each other, Trust of each other, and Security with each other. Out of the 2 sentences you posted, your in a bad relationship. If your not married, it may not even be worth saving.
Please don't be one of those people who keeps thinking "oh, they won't cheat on me again" or "they won't hit me again" or the really good one "they only do it when their high/drinking" They'll change if I (alone) keep trying to keep us together. It takes 2 to make a relationship work, no matter what the relationship is.