Be glad to have your "childish" parts. I lost mine a long time ago. I don't see humor the same as a lot of people. I can't even stand to watch a sitcom. Don't even get me started on "Jackass" type comedy or the movie like "The Hangover." I don't see funny that way.
I'm a very stoic and don't laugh a lot. My gf and my son are the passionate ones. I can be in a crowded room and be alone at the same time. It makes me feel good my son didn't turn out like me in that respect. Too many years of on my own and being the example. I'm the oldest of 6 and had to be the example since I was about 10. I had 12 elementary schools by the time I was in the 6th grade. We moved a lot.
My field in the service (Navy Hospital Corpsman), I was usually the example of properness. Always clean, sharp dressed, and always the Professional. Near the end of my military career, I had some mental health issues (major stress burn-out) and loss a lot of my passion. Never my caring, but my passion for thing.
Embrace your childish parts and don't take yourself to seriously. I take nothing seriously, because I can't. Example: A laughing child, I can't laugh with it, but I can enjoy their laughter. I can't laugh at what it laughs. I can just be happy it's happy.
You, dear lady, can laugh at what the child laughs at. So embrace that and never feel bad because your childish some times. Some of us can't be.
Hello Smiley, I know cheating spouse can cause pain and self esteem issues. I and Dennis were both cheated on. I didn't think I could even satify a woman sexually. I had to build my self back up. I even found out women liked have relations with me.
Your not weak for asking for his help. He should be there to help you in the first place. For that matter, the kids should be helping also, if they're old enough. Your depressed, because your emotional and, sounds like, physically exhausted. It shouldn't cause him any stress to help his wife with his children.
I hope your not one of those women who does everything at home and hubby plops his butt on the couch. Don't allow that. The more you do things together, the more you'll be together. If my gf and I are off work together, we are together. Going to the store, going to her dad's, even just getting gas, we try to be together.
Also talk to him. He needs to appreciate you and show it. Just like you did today. Expect that positive feedback for you. Showing positive feedback doesn't have to be a dozen roses every day. Little things like thank you or a text. Letting your partner know about you appreciate them makes a world of difference. He needs to date you a lot more. Holding doors, kissing you cheek, holding your hand. All those little things that are missed when people drift apart. Get in to those good habits and soon you'll keep doing them without thinking about and really mean it.
All I have stated above, he may have forgotten. REMIND him. This is what your fighting for. To stay together and be happy. You can't be happy staying together and not be appreciated. I hope good things for you and the strenght to carry it through.
Sorry, Didn't mean to insult your daughter. I remember now about your DIL. I just misread and I apologize again. I'm glad you take stuff with you and show your apprecation. I know your daughter apprecates her mom. I also hope things are getting better with the DIL and you get to see and spoil your grandchildren alot.
I'm sorry your children have to go through this. Your an enabler. Your supporting his addictions with taking him back and allowing him to cause problems in your life. STOP.
I'm the son of a drunk. It took my mother 9 years and 5 children until she stopped enabling my father. He's already proven he's not going to change. Love him all you want, but it won't help you.
I'm not attacking you or saying your doing bad. Wake up and either kick him to the curb or get out with your kids. He's shown he doesn't care for them. Drunk driving with them in the car. He's shown he doesn't care about you. He's sleeping with another woman. He only cares about himself. He's not a manchild or someone who wants to change. HE'S AN ADDICT. Whether it's alcohol or drugs, he's an addict.
I've stated in other postings, I have a low, if no, tolerance for addicts. They can't help themselves, but they drag everyone around them down. Don't get stuck in the void. GET OUT. Your children deserve it.
Sounds like he's on the road to recovery of health, home, and heart. He knows you stood by him and knows you mean business about him hitting the curb. Be strong and don't waiver, Only you can let him in your heart and bed. Don't make it easy on him. He sure hasn't made it easy on you.
Give him a little trust every day and expect a lot of work from him. I can promise you, one day, if he has the strength and loyalty, when he's tested again he won't fail.
Remember also, you have to return his love and devotion. I know you love him and you're devoted to him. You have to show it also. Don't either of you take each other for granted and appreciate each other every day. It's not your fault he was talking to a co-worker, but make sure everyday he knows how much you need him as well as he needs you.
My ex never showed me any appreciation for anything I did. I wasn't expecting any, but it could have saved our marriage. She would ask what I needed for Christmas. I would state "I didn't need anything" and what I got was nothing. A card saying "I love you" would have meant the world to me. A pack of underware or socks would have at least she thought of me. She didn't even attempt to show any appreciation. I didn't realize any of this until near the end of our marriage.
My gf understands we all need some display of affection and appreciation. She never got it from her ex and she deserves it every day. So does every partner of every couple out there. You just seen by your husband going to the hospital, God said he could bring you home any time. Make sure you have your relationships in order.
Being ex-navy and stationed overseas, I can tell you the temptations are there. I was married later in my military career and didn't fall to temptation. Before I was married, the good time was on.
He stated he got close to a fellow servicemember. Now the trust is broken, between both of you. 2 wrongs don't make a right as another poster stated. If still in military, get counceling on base. They have it at little or no cost. The hardest job in the military is spouse.
If you want to stay married while in, you both have to fight. If either one of you don't want to stay, no amount of counceling or desire by the other partner will keep it together. I seen to many families torn up by one partner not wanting to stay married and the other keeps trying to hold it together. It's the cause of a lot of domestic violence. The military will not stand for that. A DV charge could result in loss of housing, loss of liberty, and Dishonorable Discharge.
The only persons we love unconditionally is our children and our lord. Our spouses have conditions. It's call marriage vowes. My ex found that out. In your postings, I can see you love your husband and you marriage. I know with both you have to have trust. When we get married, we give trust totally and expect the same in return. When that trust is broken, it's a lot of hard work to rebuild it. I know your a strong woman and don't give your heart easily. Don't give your trust easily either. Make him earn it. If you want to stay together (I know you do), follow your orginal plans. Don't waiver. He has to bring the trust back into the marriage. I hope he's up to the challenge, because you sound like a woman to fight for, even if he didn't see it before.
You keep talking about them discussing dates. Is he dating other people? Are you dating other people? Is he talking to her about your sexual encounters with him? If the answer to any of these questions are yes. You need to get out.
My ex-wife had a problem with me while I was in the service. I had to physical exams on women. I got deployed and she thought I was fooling around. I never gave her the impression or did I talk about any of my patients. I had to be extremely professional in my job and I take my marriage vows seriously.
My gf now, knew I was a man whore after my ex and I broke up. I don't talk about them. I don't talk to them. When we were done, it was over. I take my relationship with my gf very seriously and have given my word. My gf knows I'm not a person who takes my word and honor lightly. She knows I look. If a woman what's to show off, of course I'll look, but I know where I need to go at night.
Depending who moved in with who, will decide who needs to leave, if it comes to that. Don't let him disrespect you. If it bothers you about her, he needs to know who he's sleeping with. HER OR YOU? Your not married, but you want a committed bf. Not a man-child as Dennis stated.
I'm sure you give everyone a different level of respect. We all do. We are predisposed to judge people and the amount of respect we show them. Your not going to give a panhandler the same respect of a person in a business suite.
With women, you'll give the respect that your predisposed to. For example: a well dressed large breasted woman in a bar compared to a well dressed small breasted woman in the same bar. You'll ignore one and be a servant to the other. I'm not saying you'll treat either any different, but it's your predispostion that will make you appear disrespectful.
With our spouse/gf/signifcant other, we can take them for granted and that is disrespectful. It might be what your ex picked up on.
All we can ever do is respect people as we want to be respected. Respect yourself and you'll project more respect to others.
I'm with Dennis on this. Let it go. I think you D-I-L just put her thoughts bluntly. How can you ask someone not to stick around after the festivities and be polite about it? You have stated you understand her situtation, so just let it go. She still wanted to do something with your family and just wanted time to relax afterwards. If you feel your intruding, make arrangements for a motel room when you know your going to stayover. Your 2 1/2 hours away from home. Enjoy the local sites. Offer to take the kids to the local sites. Spoil them shamelessly when you can. Take son and D-I-L out to dinner, so she doesn't have to worry about entertaining you. Give her some stress relief.