I have been with my boyfriend nearly 9 years. He's a wonderful guy. Smart, attractive,good job, kind... All the qualities anyone could possibly ask for. He's not controlling, he cooks, cleans, the whole works. He just has one flaw. Unfortunately this one flaw is making me question our relationship. He's incredibly selfish. When he gets overwhelmed or depressed he shuts down completely. I try to understand and be patient but I can only take so much. He won't tell me what's bothering him. We still have a cordial relationship it's just very unemotional. "How was your day.", "good, you?". I feel like I get along really well with my roommate but I don't have a boyfriend. The hardest part for me is that when I tell him this, it doesn't phase him. I would be devastated if he told me I felt more like a roommate than a girlfriend! But nothing's changed. In all the times I've tried to talk to him, nothing's changed. I've also never been so sexually frustrated in my life. The rare instances when we do have sex, I always have to initiate. This tends to have an effect on a girls ego.
I love him more than anything in the world. I just don't feel like I'm IN love with him the way I use to be. I would hate to throw 8 (mostly) happy years away but I also don't want to be miserable for the next 8.View Thread
The depression definitly makes it worse. This makes it especially difficult for me. I know he's sick so I feel guilty being concerned about how I feel. Plus, his depression comes and goes. So when it's really bad, I let my frustration build up and then when I've had enough and want to talk to him, he's better. So at this point I don't want to say anything to set him off again. So I just continue to let things build up and I'm afraid I'm just gonna blow up one day.View Thread
I LOVE your first suggestion! Believe me, I've already thought about that one. I appreciate your insight about the selfish personality type. It absolutely started from childhood. He's an only child and adopted so yeah, he's spent his whole life on a pedistall. I partially blame myself because I've done the same thing with him. I will bend over backwards to mkae him happy. I just fear that he's gotten so used to it that he takes me for granted. I'm going to try and get him to agree to counseling but like I said said to FCL, it might not go so well. Thank you for the advise. If all else fails I'll just go with the slap!View Thread
I would love to do counseling. I have been to counseling on my own before and found it incredibly helpful. I haven't said anything about counseling recently but I did in the past. He suffered from (and still does on and off) depression when he was in high school. They made him go to a counseler then and he hated it. So now he's convinsed that it doesn't work. So again, it's about what HE wants/doesn't want to do. But I think at this point it's our only option. If he doesn't agree to it I guess it just shows how much he's really invested in this. Thanks for the advice!View Thread