Hoping to get some clarity because I just can't wrap my head around it.
Backstory - My dad (who divorced my mom when I was 2 and only saw me one weekend a month through my childhood even though he was an hour away) and my stepmother (his 3rd wife) have been married around 30 years. I have always had a good and loving relationship with her. She has always been good to me and my children. In 30 years, I can count on one hand the number of "spats" we've had. My dad and stepmother live in their own world. They don't have any children of their own and have always done what they want to do when they want to do it. They have always spoken to people how they want and do not care if its abusive or rude. They don't care how they are perceived. This attitude has rubbed me the wrong way many times but I always keep my mouth shut because its who they are and I try not to take it personally.
About 5 months ago, she made one of her rude comments to me and at that time (after 4 hours of travelling with my 2 loud children and getting lost in a big city and finally being excited to see everyone) i went up to the counter at the hotel to ask her a question to which she looked me in the eye and replied "i don't want to deal with you right now". of course this hurt my feelings but i was trying to keep my cool so i went and sat down. she then came over and said "what, are you pouting?" so at this point, admittedly, i lost it. i told her she was not allowed to talk to me that way and she wasn't going to do it ever again. I went to my hotel room and cried for about an hour. Once composed, I told her I was sorry. She said she understood. I thought the matter was over.
A month later, I haven't heard much from her which is odd so i texted her (this is our main source of communication when we don't see each other in person) and she was very short. I could sense something was off. It became clear she was still mad about the incident which I had thought was over. I asked if we could meet and talk about it and she put me off. I gave her a few days and then asked again if we could meet to talk in person. She agreed and we met and we had what I thought was a good talk. We each explained each others sides and I apologized several times for my part of it. (She never accepted any responsibility or apologized but I didn't ask for it either). Again, I left thinking things were cleared up. But it's clearly not the case now. She barely talks to me, has nothing to do with my kids. I feel as though she is shunning me. My kids keep begging to go see them but I don't feel welcome. They haven't asked to see me or my kids or even find out how they are doing. Again, they live an hour away.
How long do I try to have a relationship iwth them? if it were just me, I think my decision would be clear. However, I have my kids, their grandhcildren. Not to mention my sister (half sister by my dad's 2nd wife) and their children to think about as well. I was angry at one point but now the anger has left me and I am just plain hurt. I cry daily. It hurts me to the core. I don't know what to do. I am a christian and would like to deal with it in a christlike manner.