Firstly, congrats on making it 8 years with another human being at your side! That's an accomplishment in itself.
Have you explained to her that it's nothing personal? I tend also to be a more detached person, and my bf was a little put-off when we first started dating. What helped us bridge that gap was not only my being more open and willing to get out of my comfort zone, but also by my making sure it was a priority every single time he got fed up to remind him "I love you, it's nothing personal. I'm still very attracted to you, and want you to be happy. Be patient as I try to get better". And he said that was really helpful for him to hear, too.
In terms of little endearments, ask her what she likes and then DO THEM. hahaha I know, so romantic, right? But it's true. Just have a real conversation about what she needs to feel more treasured, because it's obvious even from this post that you treasure her. Make it something the two of you are working on together, then you're both invested in the journey and it can be even more special as you become more attentive!
I hate to be blunt, but how's your self esteem? Maybe if you felt sexier, you'd feel more like being sexy! Take some time to be sensual with yourself, even if that just means using a soft hair brush or using a new perfume. Focus on sensuality of your day to day life, and your life together, how she feels when she sleeps next to you, the smell of her skin when she sits next to you.
Just try to get out of your head a little bit, and take action. hehe Google "kissing tips" and try stuff out together! Explain to her you don't find it sexy in general to be kissin' excessively, but that you want her to "teach you". Allow her to give you direction and listen closely. Part of the fun of that stuff is psychological, knowing you're driving her wild. Let yourself got lost in the physical acts, and don't second guess yourself, just go for it!
Just your willingness to work on this speaks very well for your ability to solve this problem. Keep your eyes and ears open, keep the dialogue open, remind yourself of the sensuality of life, and don't be afraid to be a little silly. View Thread
I used to have the worst temper ever. I had a point where once I went off, I was off. I think the worst thing in a fit of temper I've done in this relationship was to shred a beautiful bouquet of flowers during an arguement and throw them at my BF.
Fortunately, medication, talk therapy, and my really supportive BF have helped immensely. It's been about three months since I've allowed my temper to control me, and I feel much more even in general.
That being said, medication, therapy and my BF have not quelled in me the passion that makes my temper so easily goaded. When I feel as though someone is infringing on my relationship, I'm apt to let lose with a string of screamed profanities, but I'm just more in control of my actions now, even when furious. I refuse to be walked on or to let my loved ones be walked on.
Most of my anger was based on anxiety. Now, having less fear and panic and more control has made my temper an arsenal against crappy treatment, and as a result I feel has made me a stronger partner and person in general.View Thread
So a week ago you were nervous that he was moving too fast and a week later you're glad you found someone to spend the rest of your lives together?
Make sure you're allowing your concerns and fears to be heard. Make sure you don't bind yourself permanently to this man before you get to know him better. Make sure you don't get too wrapped up in the romance of it to watch out for yourself.
Yeah, typically when you're cheating on your sick, veteran husband things do have a weird "balance" with the guy you're cheating on him with.
And typically a guy who cheats on his wife and children by having sex with another person with low self-esteem will be really charismatic and make you feel needed, but still have an excuse ready for why he can't be with you.
It's really typical when you're the other woman to get gifts and it's really typical for him to expect sex from you. He's probably telling you how much he misses you so that he can either continue having his cake and eating it too, or he loves drama and wants to get caught so he can be even more blatantly the center of attention between you and his wife.
You're not abandoning him, you're doing what's best for you.
If you really have absolutely no friends or family (and I'd ask everyone I knew) many churches offer community outreach programs to help you get on your feet, or if you have any money at all you can look online and see if anyone in your area has any rooms to rent for cheap.
Nothing is ever hopeless. You can get out of this situation if you really want to. He's already proven himself to be a liar and he makes you unhappy. You just need to be firm with yourself about how you want to be treated.View Thread
Leave him, break all contact, stop going to places that remind you of him, and hang out only with people who love you and agree that you two should be broken up.
Remind yourself of how badly he treated you, and don't take his calls anymore. See a therapist. How's your self esteem in general? How do you feel about being single? What do you want in a relationship?
(huge hugs) I've been where you are, and its hard as hell. You'll get through it, though, I promise. Just look deep, find your self-worth, and don't accept his excuses. Build a support network, and start building a life without him. You can do it. You can!View Thread
M and I go to the gym together. We cook together and we clean together. We both like to watch crappy movies and make fun of 'em, and we like to party together. We like to hike together, and he gives me advice about my various crafts projects, and I help him make decisions on his video games hahaha
We really want to go swing dancing together, and we know of a place where to do it, I'm just really nervous about it.
We're also both really chatty. We talk a ton. I know that sounds silly to say as an activity, but it really is for us. View Thread
Honestly, the whole reversing vasectomy thing would really really creep me out. You met him very recently, you're not exclusive, and he's already talking about marriage and you're worried about being a step-mom?
It sounds like you like a lot about him, but your gut is telling you he's moving too fast and you're unsure if he's someone you want to be with. When you meet someone you REALLY want to be with, I don't think there's necessarily so much doubt. Anxiety can still be there, and nervousness, but it honestly sounds like you're not too crazy about him and just like the way he treats you.
When you hav bad history with relationships, you become really easily impressed with decent treatment. You deserve decent treatment from anyone you date, everyone you date. Maybe this guy is a good first step in the right direction, but his quickness, age, and possible issues with having kids would make me turn in the opposite direction and RUN.View Thread
Without my BF, I'd be a wreck. Before I met him I was anti-coping with a mediocre childhood of poverty and parents who love me, but never took the time to understand me. I lived in a tiny apartment I didn't clean, didn't take great care of myself, and threw myself into work and school as a way to forget the fact that I never felt "good enough".
He's taken the time to love me, listen to me, and encourage me. He makes me go after my dreams even when I'm scared, and helps me cope with setbacks without it turning to self-loathing. I don't deny how I feel anymore, and my relationship had taught me how to compromise with others, so I find it easier to compromise with my harsh self-assessment.
I used to self injure. My BF never asked me to stop or anything, just asked me to be gentle with myself. Nobody before had ever made an impact on that facet of my personality, but when he treated it as a symptom of my self-hatred, I was able to look at it as an issue and not just an action I was taking. It helped me to get over my being self-destructive, because he asked me to analyze where it came from.
Everyone who's known me for a while says I'm a totally different person now that I have him. I think I'm a much better person.View Thread