I'm not a romantic person at all, really. So I feel like I should get that outta the way before I start.
I don't see a difference between an emotional attachment and love. How can you love someone and not feel a spark between you? How can you appreciate that person on all levels if there is a fundamental distance between you?
That being said, I think someone loyal, supportive, caring, kind and funny is someone I could see being appealing in a lifemate. It's my belief that love (emotional attachment?) is a bonus in a relationship, but not worth basing a whole relationship on. I think if you can be satisfied with what you two have as a relationship, function well together, enjoy and respect each other, well, that's not such a bad deal.
I've been in relationships where we were not in love, but still liked each other very much, got along and had similar goals. We were together the better part of a year, and broke up because he moved. We found that being apart killed our relationship because the functionality and comfort was really wrecked by us not having a life together, so we had nothing to hold us together, no common goals or anything.
Don't get married unless you're reasonably sure this is someone you can see yourself with forever. Can you?View Thread
If you're with someone who won't listen to you, isn't who you thought they were, and treats you totally differently from how they treat everyone else, it sounds like you were manipulated and should most likely get out.
What do you fight about? How did you think he was at first? How does he behave at work vs. how he behaves with you?View Thread
Until your communication issues improve, I don't see how your relationship can. Even if you only have 10 minutes a day to talk with each other, you can improve your communication by listening, not interrupting, really hearing the other one out, and asking questions about why he feels the way he does and expressing why you feel the way you do.
You might also want to check out your library or Barnes and Noble for books about communication.
You've posted here before about him not seeing his son, right? So really you're feeling used because he's not putting the level of priority you want him to as a father, and he's basically telling you he can't do anything about it and that's the end of it. Until you come to a conclusion that's more satisfactory to you (not to mention your son) and feel as though your BF is a bigger participant in your life together, you will probably feel resentful that he gets to have sex with you while not holding up what you feel is his end of the bargain.Until you can figure out a way to express your physical/emotional/parental needs with him without it leading to a fight, things most likely won't improve.
What changes your conversations from civil to a fight?View Thread
Yes, it is bad. Withholding sex isn't really a solution, because it solves nothing and only sexually frustrates you both. A healthy relationship includes sex, and a healthy relationship includes trust and respect, which means that he shouldn't just be using you.
What do you two fight about? Who starts it? Have you mentioned to him that you feel used? Have you mentioned to him you get into a cycle of sex and then fighting? What was his response?View Thread
I was celibate for two years (age 18-20). It was aiight. In dating, it put the focus on kissing, cuddling, other forms of affection. I did make sure to tell the people I was dating what was up with me and that I was celibate and it definitely turned some people off, but I'd come to the conclusion that I was unable to have a healthy relationship, so it wasn't hard for me to dismiss people who were pressuring about wanting sex.
Are you sure this is the right choice? I mean, it's most likely not sustainable forever, because you are a sexual person, and when you get back to having sex you'll have done nothing to stop what you consider your overworking/getting too attached tendencies. Why not just work on the things that you feel are making you undateable? Do you have any friends/relatives of the opposite sex that could tell you what might be putting people off of having a relationship with you? Maybe think about seeing a therapist for an unbiased view, and learning coping mechanisms? How have you met the people you sleep with? Maybe you're giving them the feeling all you want is to get laid?
The things you listed: being more emotionally attached, getting more emotionally involved, being very focused on a task (work) and being unable to maintain a romantic relationship are also symptoms of Asperger's. Maybe look into a therapist towards getting some kind of diagnosis? I'm not saying it would bring you immediate peace, but you might learn how to better deal with your innate personality and be able to improve until you can get into a relationship.View Thread
hehehe Everyone I know would assume it was me, but actually behind-the-scenes, my boyfriend makes like 90% of the decisions. It's not that I can't and it's not that I'm scared to or anything like that. I just trust him to. He always has our best interests at heart and he always looks out for me and if there's something I feel strongly enough I definitely make my opinion known, but he generally has last say and that's definitely how we both like it
In terms of responsibilities, we're perfectly even (for the most part) and re-evaluate a lot. We've lived together now for two years, so we've worked out a ton of the day-to-day issues that can arise. We're also both only children so we're both pretty used to having chores and whatnot so we pretty much split them up by what we like to do.View Thread