PS I'm guess that in the beginning he had some romantic qualities or gestures in order to swoon you or get your attention. Time may have blinded them. Getting used to eachother and (too)comfortable with eachother maybe.View Thread
It sounds to me that old sayings about the honeymoon phase of a new relationship comes into play here, the one about love is blind, and the enthrallment/infatuation of a new relationship, the attentive/getting to know eachother/impress eachother. Very common and human in nature so I wouldn't beat you or your boyfriend up over it. I do think you need to discuss this with him at a time that you think he may be more receptive to your ideas as in he's serious about your relationship. Over a quiet dinner?
You can tell him that you always had the desire for chivalry from him and with the excitement of the newness of your relationship it was sort of blinded or put on the back burner. And as your time together has progressed you are noticing or realizing that it means a bit more to you to be overlooked.
Also that the getting to know eachother never stops because as individuals we should continue to grow, change, evolve so attentive listening/communication/conversation is essential in maintaining a close bond and knowing the person your with, closest to. Personal goals, shared goals and plans, personal integrity, values, likes and dislikes. The ever changing cycle of life.
It sounds as though he doesn't get together very often with his friends from PA, sort of like how often is Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, anniversaries and he gets caught up in catching up with them. Like we often do with the examples I mentioned previously. It sounds to me that you would like it if he acknowledge you a bit more, make you part of it a bit more, show his friends your importance to him in his life a bit more. And at the same time giving him his time to socialize with his friends as being him - who he is - his space. You could talk with him about that as well.
Is part of how you are feeling coming from where you are feeling as to where is this relationship going, headed? What's in the future?View Thread
Additionally, early in a relationship/marriage it's not uncommon for some couples, such as the situation you are experiencing, fall in love with the idea or rather fantasy of having children or more children. Some feel it's a way of "cementing" their new relationship. And often after some time passes, a year of more, they look back at that idea/fantasy and say to one another while laughing their butts off "What were we thinking?" I've seen this happen and experienced it myself.
I agree there is something more and deeper going on within each of you and within your marital relationship that counseling will benefit you both.
I'm only offering ideas as food for thought. The ideas I have concerning the other issues I read I'll have to post later.View Thread
My first thought was the onset of perimenopause. That is the stage in a womans life leading up to menopause. Several women, and myself included, have told me of experiencing alot of what you are describing. It's an emotional rollercoaster along with the physical changes. You could try to relate it with the stereotypical "mid-life" crisis a man may experience. There is no set age for when this will happen, some women have experienced this in their 30's. Family history may give an idea of a timeframe. Typically when this process begins we are clueless and given that we've lived with symptoms of PMS(yes, it's not just a sharp stick men put up from us),we don't put two and two together until the physical signs begin.
With the women/couples I know of that have had a child in their later years the child is born with a form of birth defect, like autism, downs syndrome, epilepsy. The major contributing factor they were told was that at their age they were not or could not give the unborn child as much of the nutrients and such to combat these outcomes regardless of how hard they did the right "additional" things or the additional tests during the pregnancy, which by that time for the tests it's too late. You've already conceived and there is no known medical treatment or way of reversing this either inside the womb or after birth.
And these women/couples are emotionally devastated(1st with the disappointment of the picture they had envisioned of this glorious event, 2nd that their child now has to live with this the rest of their lives, however long or short it may be, and they feel with their selfishness they have burdened the child with this) and physically exhausted(1st with the added responsible care required for their particular situation, 2nd is the emotional distress previously mentioned coupled with the added emotional concern of the present which tolls on their physical well-being also). Not to mention the effects it had on their marriage and relationship. A few couples split up. Troubles from before the birth and/or troubles resulting from the birth.View Thread
I think that would be a good place to start with. Ask your general physician or the doctor that you see most often, and also ask your therapist if you are seeing one. If you have a case worker or social worker that you deal with concerning your BPD you might also be able to ask them. You could do some research about organizations that deal with pets for the elderly, disabled, or special needs individuals and see if they can offer any help or direction.View Thread
Am I correct in thinking that the two of you begin intercourse without a condom and later during it make use of a comdom? If so, I can see the interuption disturbing the flow of things.
I read this as he is being conscientious of the time frame agreed upon between the two of you. And you would rather throw caution to the wind (just a manner of speaking) because you honestly would like things to happen sooner, and with you having the thought of conception on your mind is aiding in your desire. So when he continues, abiding to the time frame, it effects your emotional and physical desire.
IF that's the case, I think you're subconscientiously or even conscientiously trying to get pregnant now, which he will see as a betrayal on your part. That idea comes from reading your past posts.View Thread
If you could provide more information concerning the issue and how you feel towards pornography I think it may help us in giving you some viewpoints or ideas.
It probably would also help if maybe you started a new Discussion.
How long have you been married? Was this something you had an idea about from the the beginning or near then? What are your feelings towards pornography in general? Are you shown desire and love from your husband in general and sexually? Do you feel unsatisfied with your physical appearance or performance? Does he make comparitive comments?View Thread
I'm in WI and a couple of yrs ago my H looked into getting his DS removed from the house. It was sort of like an eviction process but I can't remember the details. Whatever it was, it worked. I do remember however that it was in the statues of landlord/tenant involving relation.
That would be nice. It sure would help people in such a situation. And I have to say that within my state, to which I have done extensive research on, it is up to the state's govern to put the regulations in place. And in my state they do look upon this sort of situation as that he is the landlord. Even if it was his own adult child, he is the landlord and it can be a complicated process to resolve.View Thread
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