Relationships and Coping Community: Support Group

Free Your Mind

I recently came upon this quote: Ever wonder what crime you committed that you are confined...

Posted by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

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Children and relationship

I will try not to be long winded, but I need advice? About 9 years ago I got divorced and had two kids a...

Posted by Carbonbiker6

I will try not to be long winded, but I need advice? About 9 years ago I got divorced and had two kids a girl who was 12 at the time and a son 10 years old. The divorce was not the smoothest in the world and probably did some harm to the children. Neither my ex-wife nor I ever used drugs and we lived in a very good up-scale neighborhood. After the divorce we move to two very good condominiums in the same complex with joint custody. Now fast forward to present day in June 2013: I have been living about 1,200 miles away from my children who still live near their mom. For the past 4 years I live with my Girlfriend and my kids have been down to visit several times. My son lived with use for two summers then went back to mom for school; my daughter lived with us for about 3 months about two years ago. A year ago my daughter had a child with a real loser for a husband that is now sitting in jail for the next two years. My son is 20 and had been living on his own for nearly two years. He dropped out of High School because he had problems with his mom. Both my kids are basket cases, but I divorce my wife not my kids. I still love them and care about them.
Not this is the situation, the end of summer 2010, my son got angry with my girlfriend and had said some nasty choice words. My girlfriend is divorced, but never had any children. I don't blame her for being angry, but my son has special needs. His is floundering where he is 1,200 miles away and I can't get a job transfer back to where he is now nor can I find a new job there and give up 23 years where I work now. He is smart, but seems to be borderline autistic. I really need to have him move close to me, but my girlfriend is vehemently opposed to the idea. I do not plan to move him into the home she and I share; I plan to get him an apartment close by. He has asked many times to be closer to his dad and that he does not want to be supported by me forever, but he needs my help to show him how to take care of himself. His mom near him does little to nothing to help him so I am his only real hope. I love my girlfriend very much and I don't want to lose her, but I also have to help my child any way I can. Over the past two months when I try to discuss him moving down she gets angry and we start to argue. We never argue about very many things and we have an excellent relationship with the exception of my kids. I try to put myself in her shoes as if she had a daughter that needed help and that she blasted me 2 years ago. I don't hold grudges, I don't think I would want her living in our home, but if my girlfriend has her daughter in an apartment I would be OK with it. The only thing I can imagine is that perhaps my son would take time away from my girlfriend.
Could she be jealous?
Should I just turn my back on my 20 year old son to sink or swim on his own?
I don't thing I can in good conscience turn my back on my kids,
View Thread

Posted by Carbonbiker6

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Children and relationship I will try not to be long winded, but I need advice? About 9 years ago I got divorced and had two kids a...

Married men...

Hello, everybody well i don't know is it a problem or not... But definitely i need your opinions, tips......

Posted by An_252383

Take the Poll

Married man

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Married men... Hello, everybody well i don't know is it a problem or not... But definitely i need your opinions, tips......

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Reply: rootbeerfloat/no longer patient

It just did me again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHH!!! I just don't...

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Posted by DfromSpencer

42 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:rootbeerfloat/no longer patient It just did me again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHH!!! I just don't...

Reply: i think i hate my life, my wife and mizerabal

It's possible that she feels disconnected from you, just as you feel disconnected from her....

Posted by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:i think i hate my life, my wife and mizerabal It's possible that she feels disconnected from you, just as you feel disconnected from her....

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Reply: Dating after a 25 year marriage

I agree, i think you should watch real movies, leae porn alone, tyhey are doing it for the cameras, not...

Posted by cheatinghere13

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Dating after a 25 year marriage I agree, i think you should watch real movies, leae porn alone, tyhey are doing it for the cameras, not...

you hit that right mark.

thank you both, hey Dennis if you are not in this field you should be, but you are right, my problem is being...

Posted by den51

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:you hit that right mark. thank you both, hey Dennis if you are not in this field you should be, but you are right, my problem is being...

Reply: So Bored with Life

Glad I - and we - can be here for you. I have one other thought for you: When considering...

Posted by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

13 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:So Bored with Life Glad I - and we - can be here for you. I have one other thought for you: When considering...

Reply: Ex Wife wants husband back after she finds out he ...

First, you asked what this says about him, staying in a loveless marriage, mostly for the kids? Well, I...

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Posted by DfromSpencer

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Ex Wife wants husband back after she finds out he is in a relationship First, you asked what this says about him, staying in a loveless marriage, mostly for the kids? Well, I...

Reply: Ex is using me!!!

Thank you for the validation and encouragement to get mad. I need to work on that. I've told him off before...

Posted by gator1980

18 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Ex is using me!!! Thank you for the validation and encouragement to get mad. I need to work on that. I've told him off before...

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Reply: relationships issues forgiveness and forgetting

Thank you Guys! I've also realized that writing down my problems when I'm having a hard time getting though...

Posted by myah3333

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:relationships issues forgiveness and forgetting Thank you Guys! I've also realized that writing down my problems when I'm having a hard time getting though...

Reply: I'm not sure what else I can do

I've actually been known to use my own "'get in your face' routine," particularly in situations where I've...

Sorry, forgot my pen.

Posted by DmndLife1984

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:I'm not sure what else I can do I've actually been known to use my own "'get in your face' routine," particularly in situations where I've...

relationships issues forgiveness and forgetting

Okay here's the issue I've been with my boyfriend for going on 6years a few months ago we were really bumping...

Posted by An_252323

0 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:relationships issues forgiveness and forgetting Okay here's the issue I've been with my boyfriend for going on 6years a few months ago we were really bumping...

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Reply: what do i do?

I have had three doctors tell me that i can beat this because i am talk like i am mentally ill, they felt that i...

Posted by den51

13 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:what do i do? I have had three doctors tell me that i can beat this because i am talk like i am mentally ill, they felt that i...

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Reply: My husband said he is leaving me

I feel for you, I really do! You feel devastated by his treatment of you. You feel at a loss for what he...

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Posted by DfromSpencer

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:My husband said he is leaving me I feel for you, I really do! You feel devastated by his treatment of you. You feel at a loss for what he...

Reply: Self control

Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it. I'm going to do some research on CBT as well as other...

Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ

Posted by Rohvannyn

2 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Self control Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it. I'm going to do some research on CBT as well as other...

Reply: BIG Question for Psychologist

Because I can only know so much about this situation from a post, my response needs to be...

Posted by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

1 Reply | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:BIG Question for Psychologist Because I can only know so much about this situation from a post, my response needs to be...

Reply: venting about being stood up

Alright, I think I can sum it all up in brutal honesty: I agreed to meet her so I could socialize, which...

Sorry, forgot my pen.

Posted by DmndLife1984

12 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:venting about being stood up Alright, I think I can sum it all up in brutal honesty: I agreed to meet her so I could socialize, which...

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Reply: lost

Hi Amanda, Not true, use spellcheck. LOL!!! I'm glad you two are doing better! Talking things through,...

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Posted by DfromSpencer

8 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:lost Hi Amanda, Not true, use spellcheck. LOL!!! I'm glad you two are doing better! Talking things through,...

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Reply: venting about barely any social life

To clarify, when I said I have an answer for everything, I meant I've already considered what most people...

Sorry, forgot my pen.

Posted by DmndLife1984

To clarify, when I said I have an answer for everything, I meant I've already considered what most people suggest. I didn't mean I have absolutely all the answers. Before I move on, despite what you suggested, there are plenty of people around me who care, even if not that close distance-wise, who would come to my aid if I were in the hospital, as it's indeed happened before. I don't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I feel angry.

Anyway, maybe you're right that she somehow found me arrogant, and that's why she didn't show, but I have to tell you that's the reason I hate to hear the most. How many people who are arrogant/conceited/stuck-up have so much more trouble getting girlfriends or friends in general? I really don't think there's much of a correlation.

Getting to my point, so many people have told me that maybe something on my inside is what repelled someone on the outside. I've heard this for years and it angers me every time. Yes, I do have this side that you describe, but I have other sides as well, and if women are so psychic, then how come so many of them are complaining about how horrible their boyfriends are, or being beaten to a pulp? How could that arrogant side of me repel so many women, and the negative qualities those other men have, whether it's laziness, or apathy, or violence, not repel them? Every time I hear how maybe it was something inside that might've repelled a woman, I always feel like I'm toxic to people, that I can't walk around in public without every single person seeing what I am, and knowing they wouldn't want much at all, if anything, to do with me. What the hell can I do about that?

Yes, I can be arrogant, as I know what I'm good at, and I've come to believe the best way to motivate certain people into doing something important is to get in their face and scare them. However, I'm not a hothead, I don't do that very much, very rarely. I'm also very playful, which my little nephew loves, and lately I've been sitting with some relatives from afar, laughing about over a decade of our practical jokes, some very elaborate. If you want to know how most people would describe me, it's as a very calm person. Since I don't socialize much, not one of them would think of me as arrogant, I'm very sure, they don't really know me.

As to the relative who died, the phone worked both ways the last years of her life, the way it still does. I was a medical burden once myself, and I knew what I was, and instead of killing myself to end the whole thing, I decided to see if I could live through it. Her case was different though, as her time had come, and I've got really good memories of her, but those times had passed, and I honestly was finding her boring, and with her not making much effort to keep in touch either, I focused on the rest of my life. I loved her, may she rest in peace, we had some wonderful memories, even when I didn't know that much about her.

I was a pallbearer at the funeral, only to find out the next day that the ex-friend I mentioned above had something vindictive in mind against me, which he didn't succeed in because he was in the wrong league (don't ask, it doesn't matter), should've stuck to pushing a pencil, which he's probably doing now.View Thread

Sorry, forgot my pen.

Posted by DmndLife1984

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:venting about barely any social life To clarify, when I said I have an answer for everything, I meant I've already considered what most people...

Reply: 8 Benefits of Happy Relationships

Getting healthy is one of the best ways to improve your life -- physically, mentally, and...

Posted by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

13 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:8 Benefits of Happy Relationships Getting healthy is one of the best ways to improve your life -- physically, mentally, and...

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Reply: Discussion Title

Clearly, this guy needs help. He is using you, and his baby momma! Why belittle yourself this way? Tell...

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Posted by DfromSpencer

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Discussion Title Clearly, this guy needs help. He is using you, and his baby momma! Why belittle yourself this way? Tell...

Reply: Dating 4 days and he already wants to marry me

I think that it is your choice. Only you know how he feels and hhow you feel. But just ask yourseld...

Posted by lookingforhelp2013

Take the Poll

Should I marry him after only dating a short amount of time? I know hes my soul mate.

33 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Dating 4 days and he already wants to marry me I think that it is your choice. Only you know how he feels and hhow you feel. But just ask yourseld...

Reply: Memorial Day: The Importance of Being Grateful

Roh, What a wonderful thing to do when you meet vets. It must make them feel good to have...

Posted by Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

4 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Memorial Day: The Importance of Being Grateful Roh, What a wonderful thing to do when you meet vets. It must make them feel good to have...

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Reply: Seems like a no-win

Best of luck to you, An_245963. One small word of advice I have is this: If you do want a good relationship,...

Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ

Posted by Rohvannyn

8 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Seems like a no-win Best of luck to you, An_245963. One small word of advice I have is this: If you do want a good relationship,...

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Reply: Can I Rebuild Trust With My BF? Am I Insecure?

Sorry. I posted this to a reply to a response someone wrote. Couldnt figure out to reply to this specific post...

Posted by DBO2013

17 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Can I Rebuild Trust With My BF? Am I Insecure? Sorry. I posted this to a reply to a response someone wrote. Couldnt figure out to reply to this specific post...

Reply: falsely blamed

I agree with the others. I could be wrong but my first impression is to ask if he could be trying to feel you...

Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' --QGJ

Posted by Rohvannyn

Take the Poll

Are there statistics on the likelihood of men over 40 verses women over 40, who are actively cheating?

3 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:falsely blamed I agree with the others. I could be wrong but my first impression is to ask if he could be trying to feel you...

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Reply: Arguing

That is sooo fantastic!!! I for one, am extremely glad for you!!! I hope that, what you have found is,...

LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!

Posted by DfromSpencer

23 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Arguing That is sooo fantastic!!! I for one, am extremely glad for you!!! I hope that, what you have found is,...

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Reply: Getting over the past

Therapy is good advice. From what was said it sounds like He has more issues about feeling appreciated...

Posted by Rock_Knutne

6 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:Getting over the past Therapy is good advice. From what was said it sounds like He has more issues about feeling appreciated...

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Reply: How could a married man that cheats on his wife fe...

Wow! What horrible advice. This woman obviously has deep rooted relationship problems of her own that...

Posted by Rock_Knutne

102 Replies | Reply | Watch This Discussion Report This | Share this:How could a married man that cheats on his wife feel betrayed by the FWB Wow! What horrible advice. This woman obviously has deep rooted relationship problems of her own that...