I get what you're talking about. I was dx'd 15 years ago with schizoaffective disorder & ptsd. I truly was a mess! All of the things I said 15 years ago 90% were true.
The problem is that I started having a lot of pain and got pain killers which (I guess I got addicted to). It sure was nice not having pain tho. I guess for the most part the kind of pain I have is just to be lived with. So because I lied to get pain meds and I got addicted I have some explainin to do to gp.
I wasn't always truthful in therapy either. The thing is though that 70-80% of what I said did and lived was real. I know what you mean that you don't quiet remember what's what cuz it's been a long time ago. Yeah I exaggerated things to MH. Realize that I've been found out and will have hell the rest of my life with the hmo that takes care of me which is also an insurance company. I'm marked!
I hate myself even more but to the point I've only self harmed one time which is still healing after 4 or 5 weeks as its a huge burn area. I've sh'd for over 2 decades I would guess. Though I did it as a child too and then started on alcohol the establishment doesn/t believe me.
MY husband has lived this hell with me and he understands how I am. The establishment thinks (I guess) the only reason I went to doctors in MH and gp was for attention. Some of that I believe is true b ut again 70-80% is true!
Well there you have it. I couldn't believe this when I read it but its happened for me. I'm still on meds and when they took me off in 2011 it was bad! In 2011 the t I was seeing took ptsd off my chart and she was a Trauma specialist. THen recently my t put ptsd on my chart again and said you never get over that! I think with anything you just manage it whatever illness you may have you just manage it. Regardless if its mental health of physical illness.
I believe 70/30 in the positive that I have schizoaffective disorder and possibly bpd.
I don't know where I go from here but I keep exposing myself to it in the hope I can get better. I'm drinking to soothe myself and its bad. I have no where to go anymore and I feel like I've lost my family.View Thread
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