Aww - thanks ladies. I'm happy that I have good things going on in my life and that I have you all to share them with.
I'll prob start the dress shopping end of May-early June.
I still have to look at the vendors that the place uses.
I love it that my Fiance (I still love saying that) is also very excited.
Not to get all TMI but - He said that it just feel like SO MUCH more and much better when we kiss. I truly feel loved by him. The fact that he and I found each other and that he understands me. I love it. I honestly love him with every fiber of my being.
I sent him a few songs for our first dance. Our actual song is not one you can really dance to (The Doors: Touch me -- we fell in love with the chourus and the song is filled with great memories)
Thanks! We did out questionare/test thing. They put us in separate areas. I felt like I was back in high school - haha.
But when we go back for a second meeting - we will go over everything.
We really like the one and only venue we went to. The whole area is beautiful. We have heard nothing but amazing things about the place from other people. And the woman who was taking care of us was great and seems like she will make sure the bride and groom are without stress.View Thread
Dem: Take a long slow deep breath in..Hold that breath for 5 seconds (count 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, etc).....and slowly exhale. Long slow deep breath in...hold for 5 seconds...and slowly exhale.
I agree with Caprice. I think maybe a hospital stay to help you come off that ledge. I can see that you worry and that it makes you feel really on edge. Remember you cannot assume other peoples feelings (something I still find that I struggle with from time to time). A good therapist will work with you and will also know good boundaries and how to set them.
If screaming into a pillow or in your car helps - I say go for it. Maybe doing something like kick boxing would help get that frustration out... without actually inflicting violence on others/yourself (unless you count being really sore afterwards - which might be a distraction as well. Plus side: healthier you all around)View Thread
Hello - I also started SHing around 12-13. And would intermittently stop only to start up again. I was the worst in HS (everyday) and around 21 less often but more destructive.
I went into therapy in my early 20s, and I will not lie to you, but for me I actually SH/SI more during that time. However, afterwards I decided that I really wanted to stop. Part of it was having to let go of a family member that was toxic and that had caused a lot of anger/depression/etc to rise in me. The therapy helped me to find that out and helped to give me courage to go forth with telling that family member that they had hurt me and I could no longer be around them
I also had to learn a whole new way of coping. Believe me the thoughts would linger and the anxiety would rise because I couldn't escape those negative feelings. I am lucky in that I found that I had more backup from my mother and fiancee (at the time my BF).
Does it ever go away? I can't say for 100%. But can you learn to say no to the urge and find a better way: yes. I know once in a blue moon I think about it, but it no longer has the grasp it once did.
I hope that you are willing to interview therapist and find one that works with you the best. There is hope. Also finding out that triggers those feelings is helpful. Sometimes you have to distract yourself or find another healthy way to get that energy out. (I would basically do the 5 min game: If I can go 5 minutes without doing it...I'll try another 5...that 5 mins is up...I'd push myself another 5..etc)
I know this is long...but I so want you to know that there is help and you can stop this. I see myself in your post. And yes, part of it is up to you to take the value away from it. (kind of like how an alcoholic has to take away the value of alcohol) Hard lesson learned for me: Numbing doesn't take the problem away. SI complicated matters and only made me think less of myself. I was the one who kept telling myself I wasn't worth it. I thought "Only I can hurt me, I'll prove them." I was my own worst enemy. Finding self esteem is hard, but looking back to where I was...I'm damn glad that I finally told myself I was worth it. I am no different from anyone else: I deserve happiness too. REMEMBER: You are worth it. You are worth respect, dignity, love, happiness, and the fullness of life. ((hugs if okay))View Thread