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I am having a hard time right now. Not been sleeping and getting restless. I need to do something about this but it whether to cut or not to cut. I haven't heard from the new therapist yet. Hopefully today I get a response. Guess I'll call the crisis hotline they gave me.
beejView Thread

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Not sure where to start but the cutting ideations are coming back and all i feel like doing is doing it and get it over with release the pressure. I can't afford to go back to hospital right now because this is the last week of work for me and I am done til January. I can live with more scars but it will be interesting to hide the scars this time.
All i know I need help and my recent T isn't really helping but kept say u 're going to the hospital which I don't need.
Seems no one really understands why I do it. only friends on the boards do. which is sad.
guess thats all I wanted to say. I am struggling.
beejView Thread

Last few nights I have been having dreams of my cutting up my arm out of pain and frustrations. Its hard to describe the feelings because the dream was so vivid. It was right after the first day of trail.
This mean I am not getting the appropriate help in therapy and I am firing her and I have found a better place that will see me more frequently. The next time I cut it might be a tad deeper than before. I don't know but I have not heard anything about my case since last month. So its been awhile.
I guess my dream is telling me that I need to see a new therapist immediately which is a month away. Its on Dec 11th Would have been on the thurs but I can't do thurs due to work. I can't miss work or It may cost me my job. tomorrow i see my pdoc and not sure what to say to him. he's kind of a jerk at times but other times he's nice. Most of the time he's just doing his job. Hope this doesn't turn into me having another trip to the hospital. I hope this makes sense to you.
beejView Thread

I have been cutting for a long time and its time to stop before I do drastic damages. I am progressing getting worse. So I am recognize its time. I plan to talk to my pdoc and t about it and get their feedback when I see them on Nov 7th for t appt and pdoc on the 8th. So we'll see how it plays out. I'll be glad when the court stuff to be all over with. Then i will go in and get the treatment I need.
I guess thats all for now. I will give you another update when I see my pdoc and t. Nothings final yet.
beejView Thread

I was sexually assaulted by a security guard at my old apt complex. I had to tell my story of what happened that day. The video caught him following me around harassing me and wouldn't stop. In the end, I was raped. For now its a class 1 felony aggravated sexual assault against someone with a disability. I still have flashbacks and sometimes it won't go away to a point I need to cut. Oh well. I will be heading to bed soon.View Thread

TRIGGER-
It was so painful that the knives were calling me to cut and I just did and took care of the wound. So much for trying to be stable but am not that stable as of yet. relapsed again. Not sure what else to do in coping with this. Other stuff isn't working for me very well.
beejView Thread

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I had to get some assistive aids to help me safely cut my foods in the kitchen and also prep for my food to cook. Well I ordered this long knife that cuts things evenly and accidentally cut myself. Well seeing how easy it cuts me, it now has become my new tool. I need this but I can't get over if this is safe. I have two other ones that are easy to cut too but caused me to have nerve damage.
Need some ideas to help me to realize this is not to be a tool but to be a kitchen tool.
beejView Thread

I usually don't post that often because I am busy with my job and possibly might have another job on the line.
beejView Thread

beejView Thread
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