It's easy for me to say not to give in to the bad feelings you are having, but do you want to win this fight? Anything that's worth having is worth fighting for. You might want to use that as an affirmation and write it on a sticky note. I know, personally, how hard it is to stand up for yourself when someone is abusing you in any way because I've been there. It's this thing called guilt, but the question is why should we feel guilty if we didn't do anything wrong. Take baby steps and applaud yourself each day you go without SH. I had some family members that constantly would berate me just like my Mother did for over 40 years and one day I dug down deep and screamed "STOP". We are all human beings who deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Who gave anyone else the right to drag you down and beat you up emotionally? NOBODY! If you learn how to treat yourself as a good person and believe it in your heart eventually the toxic people will walk away because you are responding to them the way they want you to. Stand tall and also stand your ground! Be prepared they aren't going to be happy, but you will feel empowered and believe me it's absolutely wonderful!!!!!View Thread
It sounds like something or someone has triggered a thought or feeling in your head. Maybe if you try to think of what is making you feel lost, wanting to SH or give up you can focus on how you can release that feeling. When I feel a trigger coming on I do anything to keep busy, call a friend who knows that I SH and if it's really serious, as in life threatening, call a CRISIS HOTLINE! Remember it's a thought or feeling and as easy as it is to say it shouldn't be able to control us, but it does if we let it. You sound like you've been able to work through your triggers before and I pray you will find out what is causing them now and get some help. Keep posting as the group of people that are on this community are very supportive. Don't give up!!!!!!!!
A verse from one of my favorite songs by Michael Joncas: And he will raise you up on eagle's wings, bear you on the breath of dawn, make you to shine like the sun, and hold you in the palm of his hand.View Thread
[Trigger] Dem24, I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing you are in your adult years based on your post. My belief is only we, as in ourselves, know how we feel and what works for us. Obviously, I'm not telling you to harm yourself, but if someone in your family, a friend or someone you don't even know tries to tell you that you aren't doing enough as hard as it might be you need to step back and walk away from them. I've learned to release the toxic people in my life and, yes, some of them are family members, but it's what I need to get well. It's more important to take care of you than to have to deal with other people's criticism. An FYI, though is that if taking medication isn't working I hope you seek outside help in counseling and possibly a Psychiatrist. When I am in a self-harm mode I may not see it, but others may and that's what I mean about getting professional help. I wouldn't be here if I hadn't many years ago when I was dealing with just depression. Keep coming back to the Community and I'm sure others will have tips and suggestions for you, as well. Always remember "YOU ARE WORTH IT!View Thread
I recently purchased a great meditation CD that I listen to when I'm anxious, depressed or thinking of self-harm. I shut off my cell phone so I don't have any distractions and turn on the CD, get in a comfy chair and totally listen so I can relax every part of my body and brain. It's like putting the outside world on hold and when you self-harm we need that time for ourselves. I usually end up falling asleep or am so relaxed I just sit and be.
I got it at Amazon.com and it's called: Your Present; A Half Hour of Peace! I highly recommend it!View Thread
I totally understand the feeling. I've been abused and treated like a non-person so much of my life I felt like if I was gone it would be easier, but I didn't have the guts to do it myself, thus the self-harm. When negative feelings build up they sometimes take over your mind and it's difficult to overcome that pain inside of you. I'm 57 and feel like I'm starting over living my childhood like it should have been. You came to the right place to discuss your feelings and emotions. Many of us, I'm sure, have felt exactly like you felt. My motto is to try and see one day at a time and think of what I want to accomplish in that day. If I don't meet all of the things on my list that's why God gave us a tomorrow. I've learned not to beat myself up if I didn't get everything done today. We all need to take time for "me" and most of us don't because we think it's selfish. Post positive affirmations around your home in places you go to frequently; take the time to really get the message and take a deep breath; tell yourself "you are worth it"!!!
Michael Joncas: He will raise you up on eagles wings, bear you on the breath of dawn, make you to shine like the sun and hold you in the palm of his hands!View Thread
My Story: First I have to tell you the prior problem with my posts never got resolved, but I can be persistent; so here goes. I am a 57 year old woman who has suffered from depression since I was 5, but wasn't diagnosed or treated until I was almost 40 years old when I started having panic attacks & severe anxiety. I lost my biological father very suddenly when I was 4 when he went out fishing, a storm came through and he was struck by lightening. He was only 38 years old and from all that I've been told I was his princess. I have two older brothers and my Mom was pregnant with my sister. Somewhere along the line my Mom needed someone to blame because my father left her with 4 children to raise by herself and because I wasn't the "perfect child" obviously it was me. I was verbally, physically and emotionally abused into my adulthood. She remarried and my stepfather had an adopted son from his previous marriage, who didn't want to live with us, and then my Mom had my youngest sister with my stepdad. When I look back over those years I long to have memories of my own father because our home became a war zone. My stepdad & stepbrother were both alcoholics in later years. My stepbrother has been sober 30 years, but he doesn't speak to me. I used to dread getting into the car with my mother alone as I knew what was going to happen. By the time I was in high school my self esteem didn't exist and I used food to comfort my pain and still do. The only happy memories of my childhood was that I had my baby sister who I dearly loved and we spent a lot of time together. My mom never abused me in front of anybody in my family so my siblings still don't believe it happened. I had thoughts of suicide when I was in my 20's & 30's, but never acted on them. I switched doctors when I was almost 40 and saw the most amazing woman physician who, on my very 1st visit, noticed how withdrawn and quiet I was. She started asking me questions about how I felt and the dam broke loose. She immediately got me in for an intake appointment at a local Psychiatric clinic and I finally started getting some help. I've been hospitalized twice; once for suicidal thoughts and recently for self-harm. Both of my parents spent the last 10 years of their lives in ill health and of course since I lived at home I was a full time caregiver and also worked either full or part-time. Now that you've read my story the part that is the most difficult is I still can't get past losing my father and I need to be able to forgive my mom for how she treated me so I can move on. I am working with a wonderful Counselor and Psychiatrist and I've found it's going to be a long process and I'm sure not easy, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I do now. I don't feel like a whole person, although you'd never see that on the outside of me. I usually cover up my feelings with humor so nobody knows how much pain I feel inside. I want to feel joy, loved and just be me. I want to be accepted for who I am and not who everyone else wants me to be. I have come here for any support you can offer and I will certainly be here to help all of you, as well.View Thread
Thanks for your response. My computer crashed last week so I had to wait to get a new one built for me. I was so lost without contact with the outside world.
I haven't always done self-harm, but when it started happening; in the last year and a half, I checked myself into a behavioral health unit for a week. I had several tests to rule out other medical problems and that's when they told me what the diagnosis was. It can also be called Depersonalization Disorder. In answer to your question about how I feel when I do self-harm; I never remember doing anything to myself even after I have done it. So now I'm trying to identify my triggers and if I have one I either call one of my family members who are now well versed in what to do or I call a friend who also has several mental health disorders and one of those options usually calms me down. A couple of times I had to get in to see my counselor immediately because I was terrified I would hurt myself again, but it's getting better. The Psychiatrist described how my Subconcious mind takes over and it's like you step outside of your body when you self-harm. I try not to dwell on the diagnosis or otherwise I'd be a total mess.View Thread