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Self Harm Community

Welcome to a safe place to talk and get support from others who have been ... more

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besmith75

Joined: 04/11/2012

My Story:

I'm 37 years old with 2 beautiful sons and the cutest darn dog you've ever seen (she's watching me type with her big dark eyes so I feel obligated to mention her). And, I'm obviously here for a reason. I cut (I also have epilepsy, an active eating disorder, and am 4 1/2 years clean from a cocaine addiction that almost killed me multiple times). I've become extremely creative when it comes to explaining the cuts and scars...although I'm starting to run out of material. My SIV and ED are a secret (as far as I know) and I know I should probably seek the help of a therapist...but I can't imagine (at this point) opening up to somebody who doesn't know me or understand me about my innermost thoughts and feelings...and yet I'm on an anonymous discussion board. Huh, that one doesn't even make sense to me.

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Reply: SEEKING advice . . . .

YAY about the lack of self injuring crossing your mind. How strong do you feel? I'm so...

Posted by besmith75

14 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:SEEKING advice . . . . YAY about the lack of self injuring crossing your mind. How strong do you feel? I'm so...

Reply: TGIF!!! distraction action

Well...here's my karaoke story for you. I can't sing. I absolutely cannot sing. When my...

Posted by besmith75

12 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:TGIF!!! distraction action Well...here's my karaoke story for you. I can't sing. I absolutely cannot sing. When my...

Roll call...

This might be a little selfish...but I've been gone for awhile and I'd like to know who's...

Posted by besmith75

19 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Roll call... This might be a little selfish...but I've been gone for awhile and I'd like to know who's...

Reply: My first test

YAY!!!! So proud of you Kate_Te!!!! You can do this...

Posted by besmith75

5 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:My first test YAY!!!! So proud of you Kate_Te!!!! You can do this...

Reply: Münchausen? **triggers**

Hi CJ... I've been away from the board for awhile now and so you don't know who I...

Posted by besmith75

Hi CJ...
I've been away from the board for awhile now and so you don't know who I am...but I've read this whole string and wow...you are an extremely intelligent and insightful person. I would like to introduce myself. Obviously I'm Besmith. The symbol I use is the Chinese symbol for my mother's name. Strangely...we are not Asian. My grandmother was young...heard the word 'Tao' and thougt it would be a nice name for her oldest child. My mother passed away just over 4 years ago. I am a former drug user (5 1/2 years clean)...I have an eating disorder...and I SH. The trifecta of self destruction. I know that just reading this string doesn't really give me the right to an opinion...but I'll throw it out there anyway...

NEVER let a man (or woman) affect your self esteem in any way. It sounds like this R is someone who can understand you and you can just be CJ with him. I hope I'm right by that. I hope that seeing him with lift you up. But if not...bye bye to R. I have 2 from my past that lived as poison in my veins and that's been a hard road.

I see that you've also met the amazing peeps on the board (whom I have missed so dearly at times)

There are artists, free thinkers, those who aren't afraid to show brutal honesty, those who take your story to heart and really feel it with you, those who have strength that they don't recognize (although others do), those who need a hug, those who are always good for a hug, and those who pull us out of our darkness at times to go on cyber picnics or have pajama parties.

Me? I have a degree in sociology with a minor in humanties (although I work in the medical field that has nothing to do with either). I'm fascinated by groups. People with shared beliefs. People who come together for a greater cause. People with enough strength to hold others up when they feel that they are falling. This board is the embodiment of what I studied...and more. You may not see faces or know real names...but know that every single person here loves you. It's true. I haven't walked in their shoes (although sometimes I'm convinced that Paja doesn't wear shoes...she just lets the grass dance between her toes)...but I know what it is that we feel when we SH. I'm obviously late in saying so...but welcome to our safe little corner of the world. We're a family here...and a healthy one at that. If you need to rest your head on someone's shoulder...there are a whole lot of shoulders here just waiting for you. I read 4 months of your string and I believe in you. You are so much more than you think you are. Sorry if this offends anyone...but as John Wayne once said...don't let the bastards get you down. (Dr.X sounds like a real jerk).

((((Big Huge Bear Hug))))View Thread

Posted bybesmith75

201 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Münchausen? **triggers** Hi CJ... I've been away from the board for awhile now and so you don't know who I...

Reply: Kate_Te

I don't know if you've ever tried it...but yoga is amazing. It's very soothing and...

Posted by besmith75

10 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Kate_Te I don't know if you've ever tried it...but yoga is amazing. It's very soothing and...

Reply: Hello....again?

I want to thank you ladies for your hugs (and I'll take all that I can get LLT). I wasn't...

Posted by besmith75

7 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Hello....again? I want to thank you ladies for your hugs (and I'll take all that I can get LLT). I wasn't...

Hello....again?

I don't know if any of you remember me...I haven't posted in probably a year. I've been...

Posted by besmith75

7 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Hello....again? I don't know if any of you remember me...I haven't posted in probably a year. I've been...

Reply: Anxious Tonight - Triggery

Crossing my fingers for you...

Posted by besmith75

11 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:Anxious Tonight - Triggery Crossing my fingers for you...

Reply: It never gets better (possible trigger)

I'm going to guess (and please correct me if I'm wrong) that Kate's determination (which...

Posted by besmith75

32 Replies | Reply | Watch This DiscussionReport This| Share this:It never gets better (possible trigger) I'm going to guess (and please correct me if I'm wrong) that Kate's determination (which...

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