thanks sk! you are so right in so many way. "we create our own destiny" sort of thing. and I will need to keep that mantra in the front of mind...i've done it before, i can certainly do it again, if not better! hugs!View Thread
Hope everyone is getting ready for super summer! I haven't been around much but I need to get this out...I don't have an appt with my therapist for two weeks (just had a session last week) and if I dont write it out, I'll try not to bring it up...I can be such a brat!
I finally got closure with K. It has been year over due and I finally burned the bridge and am not looking back. I found out and confirmed through a couple of women that K was cheating on me before and after we moved in together 2yrs ago (we have been broken up for a year, moved out last June- it's been a roller coaster). He was abusive in more way than one. And it wasn;t one woman...it was prob dozens (I only know of 6 but the other girls had larger numbers...)But he was actually a big supporter of me seeking help...I thought I knew what love was. But he was manipulating and playing games the entire time. Even when I first found out, he still hid things. I wish I had gotten a hold of the woman who provided clarity sooner. Turns out, we were all pawns in his mindf***k of a game.
I got him on the phone yesterday and said my piece. He finally admitted to all of his wrong doings. But it took me to drag them out. I told him he was the worst thing that ever happened to me and to have a nice life. I didnt even wait for his response and hung up.
Kept myself busy with a planned girls night over a friends new apartment. Had a lil too much of a delicious pink concoction, and when I got home I finally broke down. I SHd and it felt good, i could focus all of the pain that was finally being let go...I know it is NOT a healthy way of dealing. And Im dissppointed in myself for breaking the 7months record...and then I cried myself to sleep.
He committed so much damage to me. I was that girl that promiscous men use so they have someone to bring home to their family and friends. He could toss me around like a ragdoll. The verbal abuse was crushing. And I think I needed to hang on this long cuz I wasn't willing to let him go. I thought he was working to be the man I fell in love with. Turns out, that man never existed. It was all a facade, a lie. He is a hollow, cruel example of a man. A child. He even tried to spin it like he was the victim (he used that technique often).
It is freeing to finally let go. To have been lucky enough to meet woman who saw him for who he was and were willing to provide me with answers...no matter how hard it was to hear them. He was a big trigger for me, and I finally am admitting it to myself. This is going to be a tough journey to find myself again, but I am on my way!
Thanks for taking the time to read this. Ya'll have been a blessing! (HUGS)View Thread
thanks sk! it's a challenge but one Im determined to accept.
but I did find myself picking at scabs last week before I realized i was bleeding (they were from rugby! not SH'g)...so I dont know if that "counts" per say. but it's something I plan to bring up in therapy this week.View Thread
hi - welcome to the board - i would agree with therapy. meds alone wont "cure". kind of like a detective, talking/writing it out in order to sort thru the various clues that lead us to these kinds of thoughts. and then from there, you can piece it back together in more healthy fashion.
gfl4h - close fam/friends is one of the most important reasons (in my humble opinion!) I could never put my lil sister thru that. just the thought breaks my heart.View Thread
these are small battles of a larger war. you might have "lost" this one, but you recognized your mistep and can focus now on "winning" the next challenges you may face.
think through what led you to SH. what were you feeling? was there something specific that caused you to feel overwhelmed? pin point it and write it down/talk it out/etc and next time you will be better prepared to channel that energy into a healthier alternative.
i know it's hard, but even sharing here took courage! stay strong and foused on your what keeps you centered.View Thread
I havent, but I would imagine they would be helpful. Or even setting up a time on one of these threads. This board used to be pretty lively...
Congrats on the 9mos! Every milestone is something to be proud of! I hit 7mos this month. My therapist reminds me that everyday is a battle to be won - and we are keeping up the good fight! Stay strong!
I owe a lot to this group and finding the courage to finally seek professional help and communicating how I feel with those around me, instead of bottling it up and using SH.View Thread