i have a quick question to pose to all of you who have someone in your life who you would unequivocally refer to as your best friend. first, however, please allow me to share a joy: i have been self-injury free since last may! i wish to extend a "thank you" to everyone who supported me by responding to the posts i left during the weeks i was struggling.
on to my query...has anyone had an experience where they were pretty well betrayed by their best friend- not once, but multiple times over a recurring issue? i am not referring to "betrayal" as in finding out your best friend polished off the rest of the cherry garcia ice cream when you specifically asked them not to......(LOL)...............
.i recently caught my best friend in a small series of lies (to me). this has been an issue for the last three years (we have been best friends for ten years and have enjoyed a strong friendship for the majority of that time.
you see, dec. of 2009 was the first time i caught him in this lie. it was kind of a biggie and very personal. i am totally not trying to be cryptic, i just rather not divulge the entire scenario. please suffice it to say that the matter he lied about was a big deal to me and he knew this. it took me 4 or 5 days to calm down, forgive him to his face, and be gracious enough to move on- on the premise that this issue was resolved and therefore would not resurface.
Long story short, it was resurfaced 3 times since then; the most recent being 8 days ago. it resurfaced 8 days ago because i was the one to bring it up. i had been aware for about 4 months that he had been lying about this SAME issue. i chose to not bring it up; in a sense turning a blind eye and at the same time turing the other cheek. NOT easy to do, i can promise you that.
anyway, this is now the third time this ugly, ugly issue has raised it's head. i feel so betrayed and am having a real hard time feeling happy/content or even comfortable around him. when we hung out recently (yesterday and today), i didnt feel like i even enjoyed his company. we have communicated fairly thoroughly about this issue since i brought it up 8 days ago (by phone). i distanced myself from him up until 2 days ago, when we spoke in person and hung out for the first time since the issue was raised.
when there have been stumbling blocks between us before, it was usually just 2-4 days before i was able to put the issue behind me and continue forward in our friendship. my best friend and i spend a significant amount of time together and enjoy the happy friendship we have. this time, however, i have not felt like i wanted to be around him. this time, something in me is different. i feel like the trust factor has taken a major blow, and has been snuffed out. am i correct in thinking this may be one of those times when only time can heal the wound? i mean, we have had a few stumbling blocks before, two of them major, but those times it only took me 2-4 days before i felt the wound was completely healed and i was able to move on and get back to having fun and being relaxed around him. to reiterate, tihs time i feel much different. we hung out recently and i just felt really flat. i did not feel anything positive and i cannot honestly say that i enjoyed his company. i feel a lot of resentment for having been lied to for so long. what should i do? how should i handle this personally?
this turned out to be a bit longer than i had anticipated. thank you for taking the time to read this post and to respond. i welcome your feedback.
hi kate, thank you for your response. i am ok for the most part. happy to report that although there have been a couple tumultuous incidences in the past 4 months, i remain free of harming myself. i regret that it has crossed my mind, but it was a fleeting thought , and i did not self injure. how are you doing?View Thread
omg, what the heck? thank you for taking the time to fill me in on the changes. i understand that changes are made now and then, but to not say goodbye is something that just isnt right. i wonder if the moderators were not given the chance to say farewell, or if they were directed not to say goodbye, or if it was her decision not to inform the group. in any event, i thank you again for letting me know. how have you been? it's good to see all the familiar names here.View Thread
hi sittingbull, how are you? i dont believe we have met. i havent been on for about four months, but was a fairly active member during last spring and early summer, and also last fall. i saw your post about starting your gratitude list again. that is a nice idea. i bet it helps. maybe i will give it a shot also. is it something that you keep private or is it something you keep tacked to your refrigerator?
i noticed your post was short, but not exactly sweet. i felt sad myself to see that you were down. would you like to share what has caused you to feel empty? can you recognize if it was anything specific? i hope those negative feelings you are experiencing turn around real soon.View Thread