I'm not sure if anyone remembers me, I haven't been on in about a year, mainly because I was better and finally overcoming my agoraphobia thanks to my boyfriend, who I call "Hero" on here. Yayy! I am finally living life again!
Annnd then I started getting bullied... best part? It's my family doing it...
So here's the story.. I'm 16 and Hero is 22 we met a year and a half ago and have been in love ever since (Though he did try not to because of the age). When we met I was going down a slippery slop that resulted in me attempting suicide, he was the one to talk me out of it (hens, "Hero"). I opened up to my family when they rejected me for dating an older man, telling them ALL about my low point and how he's helped. Everyone who got to know Hero after, ended up loving him, everyone who refuses to meet him has put both myself and my mother (for "bad parenting"?) through hell.
My cousin (37 years old) starting posting about me on facebook for the world to see to the point of me getting the police involved... Apparently anything written on facebook can not be considered harassment or bulling. Before I got the cops involved, my mom called this cousin and tried talking our way through it (too nicely if you ask me) and she yelled at my mom for being an awful parent. When my mom told her that I started relapsing again because of her she told me to go kill myself because 'I won't, I'm all talk just to get my way'. On facebook other family members started responding to her saying "Way to go!" "I agree" "Finally someone said something" etc. and my brother who I thought I was close with takes sides with her along with his girlfriend who defends her saying to me to grow up because it wasn't bullying.
Why do people in there 30's get their kicks off of Bullying a 16 year old for being happy once in her life? Looks like I'm spending the holiday's alone this year, at least I still have Hero and my parents.View Thread
Today I'm going to the guidence counceler to talk about all my absences.... (every week I've missed at least one day and I haven't gone for 2 weeks..) Mayjor anxiety but appearently it's "For my benifit" so I hope all goes well. We are looking into school alternatives for me.
Any who... I'm thinking about my last post, about telling Richard Nixon. I think it'll help me fogive and move on if he knows. I'm nervous about it still. I'm talking to my T tonight, so I'll ask him. But I feel like if he knows, then it will be easier moving on knowing I'm not a lier like he is/was... whatever.
I don't usually do this but I'm blasting music.... and not my usual either ABBA atm is on. take a chance on meeeeee lol I forgot how good it feels to dance like an itiotView Thread
Trigger. So I've noticed a pattern lately: Me staying home. No school. No life. Just home. I think I'm becoming (or am) agorphobic. Part of my is afraid if I do have this issue. But another part cherishes it because I know no matter what or where I go, I think of every possible way to die at that moment. It's driving me nuts, staying home makes me feel like I have control of what happens in my life. I just texted Hero telling him how confused I am, my mom knows alswell, and now, I'm thinking of telling Richard Nixon (My father's name on my phone.. real name is Rich). Myself aswell as everyone else believes he's the reason I have anxiety/depression (which snowballed into many other issues). And I know he's trying to make things right but I know I'll never trust him. Part of me wants to tell him about cutting/suicidal attempt/now agorphobia, that way maybe he'll wake up and realize he did more harm to me than he thought. But if I tell him, there is no untelling him. I'm not sure if I can take that risk or not.View Thread
I've always been close to my mom's side of the family so it's hard to just let everything go. BB- I have been trying to breath, i take after my mom with the meditation is key policy but between stress, the season, and dust because I'm always cleaning; my asthma is TERRIBLE. However, I'll still try to breath to calm myself down. Bonnie- My mom said the same thing last night about "$%^& it!". It has been my brother's quote for the longest time, about everything. His advise to her when my father left the family... $%^& it! At a chinese resterant and there is sushi that looks like it'll give you food posioning.... $%^& it! I do love my brother for, I guess making me more go with the flow but at the same time, he's been talking to my cousin and is probably the core of all the hate I'm getting.... I appreciate all the help and support. I hope my family sucks it up soon, I hate the idea of not knowing who's going to react however. I thought my cousin would be A LOT less judgmental. I also thought one of my aunt would be so judgmental that it starts a fight, but my mom and I were talking to her about it and she WAS SO COOL WITH IT.
The game of life is impossible, and I'm not talking about the board game.View Thread
TRIGGER So last week my cousin whose my mom's age had writen on my facebook on a photo of Hero and I about her opinion that our relationship is wrong. (I'm 15, He's 21) She went on and on about it for the public to see (Mind you, she's the whore of the family, no better way to say it.). I won that battle an she shut up. Later that night, Hero and I were supposed to go Trick or Trreating with my Aunt, Uncle, and 3 younger cousins. Because my Aunt didn't tell me that one of the girl's friend and her mom was coming too, we were rudely dis invited. I didn't go Trick or Treating earlier that week BECAUSE we were going to go with them, so I was pissed. Even later that night, one of Hero and I's friends commented on the same photo pissing me off further. Both Hero and I FLIPPED out on him and Hero told him that next time he says anything to do with our relation ship he'll call the cops for harrasment. Now today, my cousin that I had an issue with in the first place, her daughter (my age) told me that Hero couldn't come to Thanksgiving because my uncle's would have an issue with him and it would "get ugly". So both Hero, my mom, and I decided that we are staying home for Thanksgiving. I'm so stressed. I hate the world.View Thread
SCHOOL: Well this week I didnt go to school AT ALL. My mom wants to find alternatives for me. At first the idea gave me so much anxiety that I couldn't even talk about the subject. But skipping school nearly everyday for the past few weeks is probably a lot more harmful for me. FEELING OLD: I threw my back out two days ago... Hero took me to his chiropractor who couldn't start making me feel better because they needed xrays and a scan of my back so I'm still in loads of pain (FRICKIN' AWESOME.....) HERO: It has been a tough week not seeing Hero that often. Usually I see him every night but his schedual this week is from 12-8pm with an hour and a half ride hom (without traffic). We got into a bit of a fit a few days ago and I treatened to OD on my medication.... I know shame on me, I let my bipolar monster get the best of me. KITTY CAT: 2 of my 3 cats were really sick this week, to the point where I had to hold one's mouth open so she could actually breath. My mom contimplated putting that one down but instead we took her to the vet, he gave her pills, and as of now she is MUCH better. Seeing my mom so stressed out about money with the cat put me back as her supporter/back bone. While my cat and I were in the car waiting for my mom to pay, I took Cleo (all our cats have Egyptian names) out of the carrier. An older woman who was parked next to us came back outside with a staff member who took a box with a blanket over it. I was crushed. The woman went back into her car and stared crying. I put Cleo back into the carrier and tapped on the woman's window. I offered her a hug and we ended up talking about animals for a few minutes. I was freezing so I went back to my car and started playing with Cleo again. The woman walked up to my car now and asked if she could pet my cat. While she was petting Cleo she said the cat that just pasted away looked exactly like mine. Something about making strangers smile has always givin me so much happiness.View Thread
Bonnie, Although I knew here, I see this place as my family already. You are an extremly strong person and someone I can look up to, him being the only person you've gotten close to makes it understandable why you still love him. But I hope you realize no one deserves ANY type of abuse. I hope you can find the brightness within you to move on from him, find someone worth loving. Who won't hurt you. Look to the stars for help; tell yourself everyday how beautiful you are, find traits that you love about yourself and zone in on those traits, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL; best advise I've ever gotten was to listen to The Beatle's, let them tell you about love, about your beauty, about peace. We are all here for you, even silly teenagers you suck at giving advise... lol Smile BonnieView Thread
I'm safe and sound, although my aunt has to repair her roof, and driving around I saw BIG tree's down, some across drive ways, others pulling down power lines, but from the looks of it, we are safe here.View Thread