I left the boards for awhile as I needed to do what was best for my own wellness. The boards at that time felt like a battleground.
As I check in this day and see the posts, a great sadness fills me. What ever happened to our wonderful family of Butterflies? We were such a loving and supportive family. This used to be a safe space for our family to come together and share our joys and sorrows, pains and accomplishments, and see each other through our most difficult moments.
When I first came to this board, life was not an option I would have considered. Because of you all, I am able to sit here today and type this. You all gave me a reason to fight to live.
Then a dark shadow fell over the boards when our Moderators were taken away. It seemed when discussions about how individuals felt affected by this began, the darkness grew and created a rift that divided this family of ours.
What about coming together to brainstorm new guidelines for our boards so as to take them back? Example: When posting... I feel, I think, and then because some people only need to vent, others seek advice, etc... Ask for what we need.
States: What's on my mind (thoughts of our butterfly family) What I am feeling (sadness) What I need whether to feel better, gain better insight, etc.
If uncertain as to what a person posts. Why not repeat what is heard or ask that individual as to assume things can create hurt feelings?
I LOVE all of you and miss you all horribly. I want our family back.
First I wish to say that I truly do care about and love you all. So what I write next, know is not about any one person or persons here... It's about me.
I've decided that interacting with others is not beneficial for me, be it online or offline. It isn't just WebMd boards but all sites like FB, etc.
I'm finding it difficult now that I can not disassociate as well as I used to and am now feeling whatever the heck these emotions are that my T thinks I should feel. I just know that I can not handle the drama of online or offline life. So for my own wellness and sanity, I have decided that being online is not beneficial for me.
And offline, I do not know ... I have many struggles I'm dealing with. Restraining orders against perps which seems to be never ending and the results always the same. Health issues... The newest is testing for Leukemia. I just feel as if I am backsliding.
I have my partner and Therapist and Doctors and of course, MandyCake. Will this be enough for me to not give in or give up? Will they be enough for me to keep fighting? I do not know...
I just know that I need to eliminate as much drama from my life as I can and it must start with the online...
I love you all. I pray that your journeys before you will be healing. I pray that you all find peace. I will miss you and the family of butterflies we have all been.
As my therapist states: Change means finding ways to let go... So fly free butterflies...
Like the waxing and waning of Luna, the moon, our tides in life will ebb and flow for Luna's Sister, the Earth, has waters that can destroy but these waters are also gentle enough to soothe and protect... wrapped in her womb, safe... let her rock you, hold you, as Luna above, keeps watch...