Nightmares are keeping me awake as is pain and respiratory issues...
After 3 days of no sleep, I tend to hallucinate and it is rather comical. Have you ever watched raccoons in top hats and cocktail coats dance across the road? Seen an all purple cow? People turning into Chickens on a college campus and dancing and singing?
Sleep deprivation isn't all that bad when funnies keep me laughing... lol.View Thread
"Perhaps the truth depends on a walk around the lake." - Wallace Stevens. This was followed by a "Let's do some grounding, today using Acupressure points around the chest." This was followed by the session of Safe and Unsafe Self-Nurturing and develop a plan for the week of ways to give "yourself gifts of ways to increase safe self nurturing and gifts to decrease unsafe self nurturing."
Being ill with Bronchitis/Pneumonia, construction, traffic, I was already feeling irritable, frustrated, annoyed when I arrived at my T's office.
The phrase above just further made me feel angry. The grounding... I wanted to scream... then the session, really ticked me off.
Really, I stated... First, years of therapy are spent in getting me to "feel" emotions, only to spend the years thereafter learning to distract, ground, and self nurture away these very emotions. I find this contradicting. I also wanted to know how this band aid approach to the crap of my life was going to fix anything. This was met with, I know this is hard, Let's just focus on the moment. Again, I just wanted to scream.. Obviously you do not know if you are again trying to do the "let's focus" thing. I want answers, I want to discover the problem and fix it. Not medicate it, not bandage it. Is this too much to ask?
No answer was forthcoming obviously. Then to awaken from nightmares, screaming and crying this a.m. and even awake feeling the nightmare continue to play out, thus triggering flashbacks so that reality became blurred...
If it were not for my partner, I would have SH'd again this week. I kept disassociating yesterday and my T kept "bringing me back into the moment" wanting me to experience this... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....
Does anyone else have issues with always having to Ground, Distract and Self-Nurture? If so, what do you do that helps? What do you think? Feel?
We all have slip ups and according to my T, always will... She state's the work is in trying to go longer and longer between episodes. So, Please, do not be so hard on yourself.
CJ, I love what you wrote and laughed at the "Big Girl Panties" and "roll of eyes." You hit it square on! Your advice on seeking help for the increased workload was also right on.
I, too, slipped up last week after therapy. I was triggered by it. Yesterday, I was triggered again and awoke to nightmares this a.m. but thankfully my partner was with me to help me through this so that I stayed safe.
I can relate to you Sweet Sister. I have never felt I mattered either and one of my most difficult challenges is facing all that has been taken from me. My T and I are working on this but I must say it is a struggle and now that I'm feeling "feelings", I can say it brings up the urges to SH. She said this is the work...
Here is a Book I am Currently Reading:
Stolen Tomorrows by Steven and Abby Levenkron. It is Understand and treating women's childhood sexual abuse.
Misty, YOU DO MATTER... To me... and I am certain to others here as well. You are not pathetic. You are strong and courageous. The lot you were dealt in life, to have made it this far, speaks volumes.
Offering to you, gentle hugs from the wings of a butterfly.
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