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The fairy's not coming, B. Getting help, getting better, takes work. You will not be able to sit and wait until everyone rescues you. So you have a choice, very bluntly worded here: do the work that will gain you the help you cry out for so consistently here... or decide that P will be OK without a healthy mother.View Thread


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"I'm just going to keep hurting myself everyday until I finally get help."
He is trying to help you. I hear and share his despair, anger and frustration at the illness that has completely enveloped the person he loves so much.
Are you waiting for the magic make-it-better fairy to appear and make you all better in an instant so you don't have to put in the effort to get help? That isn't going to happen, B. You need to listen to your husband and meet him in the middle. You need to start making a move toward help, and you need to let him do what he's shown willingness to do, and even if meds is a total non-negotiable you need to TAKE SOME ACTION to show some form of good faith.
If you could go to a T in the evening, when P could be watched at your house by your husband who would not charge you money or be a new person, would you?View Thread

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Please take care of the wounds.
I'm hearing your anger toward your husband, and I'm hearing and absorbing your anger toward me. It's OK to feel angry, and verbalizing anger is healthier than continuing to destroy yourself.
I'm hearing your resistance to the idea of getting help. It's OK to feel resistant and hesitant, and it's OK to feel frightened at the idea of trusting someone to help you.
I hope someday you reconsider your refusal to get help. I know it's a vain hope, for all the reasons you've thrown at us before, but I will continue to hope you reconsider... if only to shield P from feeling that she must become Mommy's Little Protector at the age of 2 or 3. And I know that will make you angry to read... but that's OK with me. Channel the rest of that destructive energy into angry shouts rather than more physical damage.View Thread


I haven't even told anyone in my family, other than M, about any of this. He's been wonderful; the rest of my family would be less so, I'm afraid, and would find ways to make it my fault.View Thread

View Thread
(I love Rent - it can be triggering sometimes but the music is fan-freakin-tastic)
Taking to heart what everyone here had to say about the fact that my being molested is just as serious as my mind, body and heart say it is... I'm gearing up to make a call for some targeted professional help. My company has an Employee Assistance Plan that offers I think 6 free counseling sessions. I've called it and told the story to the intake-referral-type person, who was WONDERFUL and very supportive. She expects to get back to me tomorrow with the name of a counselor near me who can help me... and since this all happened at work, I think it makes sense for those first few sessions to be on the work-contracted plan's dime, don't you?
I'm freaked out a bit by the delay in having a number to call locally... I may run out of nerve before tomorrow and end up never following through. I'd love it if someone would drop by and sort of refill my nerve tank...View Thread

2. Do I have to pick just one? If it has to be just one, autism research. If I can have a second one, no-kill animal rescue shelters.
3. A friend of mine, who is being bullied and threatened at work just as I spent years being bullied and threatened, told me I'm helping him get through it with his sanity intact. That makes me feel awesome because it means I didn't go through everything I went through for nothing.
4. See #3.
5. My eyes. Their color seriously has not been invented yet.View Thread
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