Hey there guys, how you all doing?I know it has been ages but I have been doing relatively well and didn't want to trigger myself (hope you don't mind). The fact that I am posting here is because all is not great in the land of Bod right now.
May be a trigger (I won't know until I have finished writing but just in case)...
For those of you who don't know me I live in the UK so some of my terminology may be different - ask if you don't get it
I have been struggling recently but have really noticed a problem since I gave up smoking. I haven't smoked in 11 days, having gone cold turkey (I never smoked that much and I am not even sure if I was even smoking 'properly' - which may explain why I found it really quite easy).
The problem I have come across is that I never realised just how much I used having a fag to cope with the emotional spikes and anxiety of BPD. I am turning into a wreck. everything is coming apart at the seams and I don't know what to do. I don't want to ring or speak to my gp as I don't like wasting his time but I also can't fall apart because of my students (I support students in reciept of disabled student funding, which includes alot of mental health problems - in fact I currently support 2 x bipolar sufferers, 1 x paranoid schizophrenic, 3 x students with depression and another one who lost her father last week to name but a few) I am worried that if I have to go back into the system I won't be able to do my job effectively as some of them may see me at the outpatients clinic.
my urges are all over the place, I can't stop the noise in my head, I am trying to use my DBT skills to avoid sh but am coping by eating - which in turn is increasing my self loathing and therefore depression which then increases the urges. I am withdrawing more and more and am swinging between permenant anxiety and depths of dispair.
I don't expect anyone to be able to do anything (I am not even sure if anyone I used to know is still around) but I could just do with a bit of support so if anyone fancies saying hi or has any helpful hints that would be fab.
Hi Slik, thanks for replying. I have been trying all sorts of things but toothpicks sound interesting. So far I have found a combination of a number of aromatherapy oils on a hankie has worked the best.
The funny thing is I haven't had any cravings and have found it quite easy to not smoke. The problem has been that I have used smoking as a coping strategy for dealing with the emotion spikes etc of bpd. I effectively shot myself in the foot because although I had planned well in terms of the practicallities of stopping smoking I hadn't considered I would have to cope with a surge of urges/emotions etc without having another coping strategyView Thread
I hope you have all been doing ok (I haven't been on for ages or read through any of the current posts). I am busy melting after a week of high summer temps (it got to about 90F yesterday to make it the hottest day of the year so far).
We have been put on the staff list of a local cat so have been providing cuddles (and getting bits of dead mouse in return) but it is a constant battle as our lease says we aren't meant to have pets in our flat. Have given up at the moment though - there is no way I am sleeping with windows shut in this weather.
I had hoped I wouldn't put anything difficult in this post but I need to say how I am feeling to someone and I know you guys will prob get where I am coming from...
I have been struggling for over a month now with low mood, that empty pit of stomach feeling and with sh urges. My gp and I have slowly been reducing my meds but the last change was about 6 months ago so it isn't that. I thought it might be the dismal weather we have been having but given the last week and no mood change I don't think it is that either. All my self hate feelings have come back and I can't stop eating (as a form of 'comfort') but then I detest myself. I am struggling to keep myself going and am really resisting all my sh urges but feel I am just doing the same with food instead. I was so happy last year when I lost all the weight but now I just don't care. I managed to go swimming a few weeks ago but since then I can't face it. I have no enthusiasm for anything.
I have a major week of work coming up, which is playing on my mind, so maybe I will feel better when that is over with. I really hope so.
Having looked at the weather forecast it looks like we have another week of high temps to look forward to so better get some summer clothes sorted.
anyway I am going to go and sit outside as it is finally cooling down
Cheers guys, I really appreciate you taking time to say hi and sharing your wise words.
I had 3 days where I was doing so much physical work that my urges got quieter (carrying heavy things up and down stairs in 90f degree heat is no fun I can tell you, especially when there was no air con) but woke up today with that empty, heavy feeling in my belly that just hasn't gone away
Hope you are all doing ok today ((((((((((to you all)))))))))View Thread
Hello everyone, I know it has been a long time but I thought I would pop by to say hi, and to let my anxiety out a bit, if thats ok.
I have a friends wedding to go to on Sunday and the thought of wearing a dress is really stressing me out. I lost a whole load of weight last year but have put some back on so not feeling confident at all and then I am having to wear a dress, which means some scars will be on show.
The fact that I hate my body etc doesn't help but every time I think I get a handle on my scars something like this comes up and throws me a curve ball. I know they are part of me and part of my history but when I am feeling low anyway, with sh thoughts higher in my consciousness than they have been for a while ... just want to hide and not go out/see anyone at all.View Thread
I made it though yesterday managed to find a shrug type thing that went ok with the dress and thankfully our spring has been very late so it was a bit colder than normal so I didn't look like an idiot wearing it. Totally tired me out though and I have slept for most of today but at least I did it and the bride even commented on how lovely it was to see me dressed up. Thanks again for your support guys, I really appreciated it xView Thread
I have today so I will to try and find something to go with the dress. It's funny reading what you have said about people being too pre-occupied with their own appearence - as I read it I remembered I have said exactly the same to a friend who also has scars - why I couldn't remember my own advice I don't know but thank you for saying it to me.
I will try my best to have a good time, and may even post you a pic of my solution.xxView Thread