What did happen to caprice I dont know the story.She was the most caring compassionate woman.I thought that she would always be here on the board but i know that she has had problems with illness esp fibro which i shared with her.i hope that she is feeling okay right now with the winter It is not pretty in the winter at all or any season at that .I wish you well caprice where ever you are Even though i have not been on the board for quite a long time you will be sadly missed for sure.I dont know what is happening with this board but people need this board just like all the other boards.Please dont yank this board from many people that depend on this place as their savior.If they did not have this who know what would happen.View Thread
Like i said i don't exactly what is going on with me right now.It is not pretty It is ugly thoughts in my head. I am back some will not know some will know me.Has been a long long time
I am thinking of sui so strongly the ugly thoughts in my head I cant seem to get them out They are extremely strong like that monster in your head that seems to lurk around.It never seems to go away.You live with it in some capacity your whole life but this is the kicker.Why is it so strong that it seems to be taking me completely over.It is very scary.I have been having dreams of it and waking up wanting to just go do sui with out a care in my head.It is like the devil on one side and the angel on the other Only the devil part is almost winning and seems stronger with thought.what the heck can i do this is not getting easier.Why does this happen to alot of us.Is this for life because for me so far the thought is always in the back but this is STRONG! The self harm has been strong too.It has been a mess.Please Help.I need some kind words. Thank you so much for listening to me i really do appreciate it.View Thread
I want to thank you for your responses.It helps a lot to have others input.I do know that at the teen years the kids are angry at the parents for a lot of things .My son is the most angry at me . lostkate I know how that feels that your kids are your everything.yes i do feel like disappearing but we all know that we have to stay for our kids and we dont want to hurt them in any if we can help it.I am sorry that you had to go through it also It is not easy at all.I hope that you have a therapist and some supports that in place so that if you need help you can get it . Kitty I know that you wish that you could help me but i dont want to leave here to the mountains.It is hard when you have lived somewhere for so many years .
I need some help with that i am going through.My husband and i are parting ways.Dont know for sure when exactly.There are many things to go through and many things to do before we venture into this.My son has an anxiety disorder and is having a hard time with this .He has a hard time with daily but this is going to be a big one.I know that he blames it on me,the splitting up.In the long run i dont know who is going to stay with me or his dad.We want him to finish out the school year here.His father and have been staying toether for money reasons and because of my son We did not want to have to go through parents splitting up.He was and is our main concern .He has been acting out a lot and especially at me. I have been feeling like not being here at all and just disappearing all together then I wont have to be trouble for anyone .This whole things hurts so much.Especially when it comes to my son.He is my life What a life without him .Then i dont know what i am or going to be able to do this alone emotionally or physically because of a few medical issues. I just want to self harm so much and it is killing me I have not seen my therapist for while cuz of her medical issues I do see her in a week .She said that if i do self harm and i end up int the hospital they probably would not let me have my son.She said that she has seen that happen.She is letting me know things right now so i dont lose my son if he does decide to stay with me.I dont think in the long run that he is staying with me but I have to maintain myself.We ,his dad and i,are going to try and talk things out again and she is we can put up with things that we cant live with one another for .I know there are things that i dont think that i can put up with at all and i am sure that he has plenty too.I am just so frustrated and have alot of anger and no where to put it all.His dad does not treat me well i dont think.He thinks that he does I dont know what land he is coming from His own little world.He has never hit me so that is not one of the problems so i just want people to know that .I keep hearing that i am the problem i swear like he is the angel.I mean he does know that he does somethings but it seems that i am the source of the problems He also says things in front of my son that he should not say and my son should not know It is adult stuff and he is only 12 Well thanks for listening to this long winded post .It must have taken your breath away by now . hope everyone is well and stay safe hugs leanieView Thread
This christmas was the worse christmas i ever had.I cant remember a worse one.We did not put up our tree cuz my son and esp hubby did not want to do it.my husband said that if i wanted to put it up go ahead but i am having nothing to with it.He did not want to deal with the cat either .So it was bah humbug waaay before christmas came.Christmas day came and of course we cant see family cuz we dont have a car anymore which stinks anyways.THe day was boring no one did anything different than if it was another day.Now all this time with all the stress going on I wanted to s/h soooo bad that i could not stand it.I didn't which surprising.Like most know it is a battle you have to deal with everyday.I have to make my son my motivation or I would be doing it everyday.I would not be around anymore it was not for my son.I try so hard to keep him my motivation.I will tell you though a lot of times i dont think that he is going to be enough. Okay so my husband and i got into it last night a little bit All because my son wanted to go to a friends house christmas night.Well he was really mad when he came out to me anyways.I just saw two points or the situation That we were not doing anything It was no special day for us.Just another day.My husband went on a rampage and said that he was leaving in january.Well we were going to split up anyways but not in january.If he is going to leave it would be better in february.I felt like cutting sooo badand i also felt like what is the use I just want to be gone Not wake up ever.I cant stay in this relationship anymore There is nothing to our relationship I feel bad for my 12 yr old son who hads to endure more than he should .The only reason i am still here is that beautiful 12 yrs old.My son has a severe anxiety disorder right now but lliving in this situation is not good for him He has a therapist,mentor and we have a family therapist so he does have supports .we try to be very supportive also.I cant take this anymore and dont know what i will do at this point I really dont want to be here anymoreSorry for being long winded,
[Trigger] i thank you for wanting to take the pain away We all that is not going to happen just like that.Thank you for your help and making me feel that i am not alone I do feel like a lose however.I do wish that someone could take the pain away but we all that cant happen.I wish that i could that for other people also It would all be so easy wouldn't it .You are so sweet and kind.
[Trigger] Thank you so much headline.I am glad that you shared that with me.Now i dont feel so alone with all these feelings.You are so sweet to think that you would want to rescue me from this.I too would want to rescue someone from these feelings also.Thank you for sharing
[Trigger] I hurt so badly that i dont even want to exist.It is extrememly so hard not to selfharm.I dont know if i can win the battle not to selfharm.I feel like i cant even think and feel irrational.I am trying hard to keep myself in check as much as possible this s***** I really dont think anyone really cares and that could be irrational but that i how i feel. I just dont want to hurt anymore emotionally or physically.It is not going away as much as i fight.Who the heck just wants to exist .That is no life.Sorry for being such a downer.
leanie 98 hugs to everyone Thanks for listeningView Thread
llt i wish that i could just sit there and look at the stars and the sky.I want to take moment to moment but all the other stuff just gets in the way.I am so lonely and again all by myself outside but ya know that is the way that i want it.Do you understand that even though it almost makes no sense. Fran this is my new therapist.My other therapist i had for many many years her position changed I wish that I could see her she knows me so well .The new therapist is so sweet ,kind and caring but she does not get back to you in a timely manner at all. Kitty you are my bff You are a very caring woman.You are always there for me .I am sick of bothering you all the time.I dont want to lose you even though you say that you are not going anywhere. Thank you for all your good advice and help You are just the best .HugsView Thread