thanks for the great words. when all was said and done that night, i was so emotionally exhausted, i called my dad who's outta town and just chatted about nothing, then was too tired to do laundry or anything else so went to bed! how about that. and valentines day did go by fine. i actually used it as a day to let things slide off my back more easily and be extra nice to ppl (which is like super nice cuz i'm always overly nice lol).
i think i just realized one of the reasons this passing has effected me so much is that i'm still grieving over my grandparents deaths last year. those hit me incredibly hard and i sort of shut out the grieving process at a point, not on purpose, but just to survive at the time.
i like what you said about 1 minute at a time. it makes me realize to take to time to breath and get through that minute and those minutes will add up, like what sittingbull said as well.
thanks for all the support everyone! i appreciate the hugs and kind words so very much.
I've committed to dogsit for most of february, i finish tonight with one dog/family and will begin the second one tomorrow. both new dogs to me. and it was very unfortunate timing as i committed to this a long time ago, but my favourite dog in the world passed away the day before i had to start dogsitting last week. and he was the only one i had every dogsat for multiple days for before this week. it was devastating. i feel like i've lost one of my best friends. and while the pain seems to be more easily acceptable from that incident this week, for some reason i'm having the urge to SH tonight.
it's a different feeling that when i used to years ago, i guess it stems from the same needs, but i feel like i need to indulge myself and cut. maybe it's timing with valentine's day tomorrow, which i usually tell msyelf it doesn't bother me i've never had a bf or date especially on that day, however it does get to me on some level.
i don't know what to say, i'm just all of a sudden having overwhelming feelings to SH right now. i also just happened to watch the new movie, the perks of being a wallflower, which has SH issues in it. i'm totally attracted to these movies, and it was great! but now maybe i feel like it was possibly a trigger for me.
and once these ppl come home right away, i'll be going home to an empty house. no one to get in my way of SH.
i just needed to put this out there into words, i thought it might help sort out what i'm feeling, but it's still a bit of a mystery.
i hope everyone else is having a much better night than i am.
ooooh i miss karaoke! it's been so long! my go to is bohemian rhapsody or under the sea or pretty much any disney song. i've never actually sang alone though, b/c i never drink so i have to sing with someone to get up the nerve lol.
fun times you all have some excellent song selections!View Thread
just wanted to share what made me happy today and hope it helps encourage you to think and share what makes you happy.
went shopping for a couple of hours and the new spring colours are appearing! I actually bought 3 pairs of jeans, not the regular colour though....1 pink, 1 coral, and 1 turqoise. i'm gonna be colourful! haha.
also on the drive home during rush hour, heard some great music
been feeling pretty rotten so this was a nice change. i hope the weekend stays the course.
I truly don't think anyone on this board is capable of hate (other than hating ourselves sometimes unfortunately) and you have done nothing to encourage such feelings anyways. even though i've only be back for a short time I can tell that you do have everyone's best interest at heart and that you are a kind person. I'm sorry to hear you don't feel like you belong. I hope everyone's kind words will help encourage more of a feeling of acceptance. everyone here seems to value you very much and love you. you have a strong group of friends here, and a great support system. lots of love ((((((friedeggs)))))View Thread