Its nice to see you guys too. Its been a long time, Im doing well. I still have my moments but hanging in there. I finished my classes and took my certification for CCS, I am now a Medical Coding Specialists and got a job. Professional things are going great, personally I still struggle with a lot of stuff. My daughter is getting ready to go to college in the fall, still hasn't picked a college but looks like CT instead of MD. Will see, need to look at MD one more time then she makes her decision. Either way she is going away to college and that's going to be sooo hard on me. I try not to think about it.
Hope you guys are doing well. I miss the people here.
I totally understand what you are saying, I feel this too. The empties can be overwhelming for me sometimes. I sit an think if I could just have someone hug me, hold me for a while the feeling will go away. There is no one in my life, no close friends or family that I can count on. To be alone is the worse feeling, to be lonely really sucks. Im in the same cycle and cant get a grip of on it. I feel like an outsider, the world is over there and sitting on the side lines.
I wish I had the answer, all I could say, which I say to myself all the time, is your strong then this, this will pass, better days are coming, I try an clear my mind of negative things, try to distract myself and focus on the good things in my life.
Wow! All your posting and replies have hit home for me, big time. When finally after all the hard work and years in getting myself to feel again the only thing I end up doing is pushing them away because I have no answers, I dont know how to handle them, deal with them. Im always being brought back to "stay in moment" by my T. I guess thats avoidance by me, of the topic we are on. I have nurtured myself, taken care of myself, only to find myself doing it alone, being alone.
There are parts in all these posting to this discussion that I can totally related too, your words are written then what I could write:
"years of therapy are spent in getting me to "feel" emotions, only to spend the years thereafter learning to distract, ground, and self nurture away these very emotions. I find this contradicting."
"I have been trying to find an answer to my problems since they first appeared. I've been told, you can't solve them, only treat them. I too have a hard time accepting this answer."
"I had to tuck my inner child back into bed and promise another set time to work with her so that I could try to concentrate at work. It only works somewhat for me, but I think with practice it will help more."
" bringing up things I have hid for so long tat I dont know what to do with them."
"Sort of like I've been carrying around this heavy backpack of rocks,"
I still carry the heavy backpack trying to let some rocks out.
Lost still, trying to find my way. Kate (((hugs to you all)))View Thread
My son graduated college, got a job and an apartment.
My daughter got into the National honor society, one year left of High School, then college, oh boy.
Im moving forward, it may be baby steps but its forward.
*** I love the smell of roses first bloom, lilly of valley scent. They bring back so many good memories for me. Miss my kids when they would give me toddler hugs, its a special time for OTW, enjoy it, you are truly blessed.View Thread
I looked at the Chinese thing, I didn't get it. I didn't see anything unusually about it. Caprice and DD will always be dear to my heart, as many others here, no matter who they really are. I don't know people here who they really are beyond these boards, they have always been there for me and that's what counts. I think we all need to let it go, move on. I know that's hard because I still think of Caprice and wish I had one more talk with her.
Dem, you did what you thought was right and that's ok, I have nothing bad to say about you. I value people who are honest with me and I have been fooled many times. Im learning to let it go and not dwell on it, which is extremely hard. (((Dem)))
SB, OTW is right, PLEASE!!! Don't give up, you are worth it, maybe not to yourself right now but for us. FIGHT!! Big Hugs KateView Thread