Was he like this before you moved in with him, or is this recent? I think couples tend to discount differences in sexual appetite, esp. since in the beginning of the relationship things are usually hot and heavy and both partners are happy with the frequency. Sooner or later, one will ramp down. It seems at first like a minor issue that a couple in love can work around, but it derails alot of relationships, unfortunately, after the walk down the aisle. I would look at this as an opportunity to see how your BF handles some firm ground rules that won't go his way. His immature approach so far is not a good sign. If in your head you are screaming "NO GO AWAY," as you say, that is also not a good sign.
IMO, no one should not be attempting to adjust their libidos artificially to meet their partners halfway. Water seeks its level and that holds for libidos. Now you have to decide whether you want to deal with that going forward (I know; easy for me to say....). Good luck!View Thread
A couple of thoughts -- an orgasm isn't the be-all-and-end-all for alot of women. Is he good considerate, caring lover otherwise? Does he take instruction well? How is your communication inside and outside the bedroom?
Can you have an orgasm on your own? If so, how open would you and your fiance be to you showing him exactly what you do to arrive at that point? Since it really can be difficult for alot of women to climax from sex alone, you might have more luck if you surprise him with a vibrator, and then show him how you bring yourself over. Once you have your 1st few orgasms that way, I think it will pave the way to successful orgasms via intercourse, since the pressure should be off for both of you. Pressure is an orgasm-killer!
Finally, I would encourage you to stop faking orgasms. Wrong on so many levels. You are slamming the door shut on an opportunity to jointly solve the problem together. Good luck!View Thread
Stacy, about a month ago you posted and said you had a child on the way. Are you still pregnant? This can throw alot of guys for a loop, sexually. That's potentially a huge factor that you don't address, so let us know what's going on there -- that will help us craft a better response. Thanks!View Thread
Have you told him about your experience, and basically what you just told us? I'm not sure I'd be ready to write him off yet, especially if have a strong connection in other areas. This can be great test of your relationship -- I would level with him if you have not already. A caring, understanding man will have empathy and downshift in his approach to sex. You didn't say how old you both are, but I think especially younger guys often feel that they have to mimic what they see in pornos, so they get a little rough, thinking that's what women want. Tell him exactly how your feeling, make it truly an intimate experience (not just sexually or physically), and see how he responds.
Also, you needn't be wary of a guy with a big dick on just that basis. A good lover will give you only as much as you can handle -- but again, he has to know what that is,so let him know! Good luck!View Thread
You can most certainly get pregnant like that. Please be careful...as a woman you need to learn all you can about the consequences of sex, and how unprotected intercourse can lead to pregnancy, even if he pulls out early. Be assertive and have a plan going in, because once things get hot and heavy, good intentions often go out the window! Good luck....View Thread
I vote for the 2 years of daily MJ use. I applaud you going cold turkey, but it might take some time to wash out of your system. I would do some internet research on respectable health sites on the impact of THC on male sexual performance -- may not be causing it for sure, but there seems to be some research to suggest it. Good luck!View Thread
Sorry -- didn't abandon you; just been busy. Passive aggressive means an action that on the surface does not seem intended to cause offense, but the deeper meaning of the action really did. He watches porn in front of you knowing you don't like it; he makes comments about the actresses knowing it will make you feel inadequate. Not telling you anything you don't know, but there's a dynamic in your marriage now that is not healthy -- you seem stuck in a rut but for some reason, you are the only one that wants to do anything about it. He seems comfortable. He doesn't want you to go back to work, which could be a way of limiting your options, and keeping you more dependent on him.
If he doesn't want to go to counseling, you have to decide if sticking it out is the lesser of two evils. If you decide you cannot stomach the prospect of the status quo, make that clear to him -- he needs to be an equal partner in maintaining the marriage. It's work but it's part of the deal, for every partner in every marriage. I would go back to school as well, if you can. It should give you more options if things don't work out, and provide a great example to your daughter of proactivity and independence. Good luck! And check in every so often...View Thread
WHW, I was thinking more about your situation last night...I actually woke up at 4AM thinking of it (that'll teach me to check these boards right before I go to bed). Reading your later post, I was struck by his watching porn in front of you. While it might be an addiction, it seems like more of a passive aggressive act to me. After all, most people with addictions are ashamed of them; they try to keep them in the dark. Yet your husband watches in front of you, but not in a sharing "lets watch this together and then get busy" kind of way. Which I find really unusual. I think JLGetch is onto something with his/her comments and esp. the suggestion re: counseling, but I think it might signify something deeper.
Here's where I relate this to myself: about 15 yrs ago now, after 12 yrs of marriage, I went to a wedding in my hometown (we live many states away from where I grew up). I saw a girl who was an old flame of mine. We exchange small talk and that was that, but I found myself just absolutely obsessed with the thought of this woman, for months, and it just knocked me off course, thinking that maybe I'd made a terrible mistake and that the old flame was the really the one who was meant for me. Not that I'm suggesting anything like that has happened with your husband -- but here's how I'll relate it to you. In the course of counseling, the therapist recommended a book called Seasons of a Man's Life, by Daniel Levinson. It is pretty old now, but I think it holds up. The basic premise of the book is that every 20 yrs or so, at a very deep and subconscious level, a man will take stock of his life and compare his current station in life with the idealized version of himself he envisioned as a young man. The greater the gulf between these two states, the greater the psychic upheaval in his life. Most people think of this as a "midlife crisis," but that's really a misnomer. Usually this crisis is brought on by a significant event or trigger....for me, it was seeing my old GF at the wedding. When I read the book, and saw myself in the case studies very clearly, and it helped me get thru it.
Long post I know, and maybe off the mark, but from what you've said so far, I see similarities between your husband's behavior towards you and how I probably treated my wife during those dark days. With counseling, her patience, and time, I was able to see that I really did love my wife, and that my feelings for that other woman was just a mirage in the desert. He seems depressed, as I certainly was during that time. I don't think this is sex issue, or a porn issue; it's deeper that that.View Thread
My take...the only risky action of the ones you list is #4. And even that, since you were wearing a condom, is fairly low risk. I wouldn't sweat it. You might get herpes simplex from the kiss, if you didn't have it already, but there's not much you can do about that now. Live and learn -- no more strippers....View Thread
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