Porn is not entertainment. Porn is boring -- you don't watch it for the plot lines. A guy watches porn for one reason -- to get his rocks off. It's possible at his age that his testosterone level is starting to decrease, or that he might be showing the 1st signs of ED. He might want to get a physical if that's the case. However I think what the other poster was trying to suggest, sort of ham-handedly (pun intended), is that sexual interest can start to flag, in one partner or the other, or both, after years of being together. It takes work to keep things interesting, and communication. It's not fair of him to close off that avenue with you by having his needs met by masturbating to porn, but that is something guys often do.
I would really try to have an honest & open conversation with him about this, although that is much easier said than done. You should know though that his lack of interest in more frequent sex is not necessarily a rejection of you; I believe he is just taking the path of least resistance. I'm just a little younger than your husband and my wife and I probably have sex even less than you do. I love her very much; but sex has just not been a priority lately. Since both of us seem OK with that, I don't think it's much of an issue. It becomes more of an issue when the libidos are mis-matched. Since it's clearly more of an issue in your case, I think you should be proactive and try to engage him; get him to tell you what he's feeling.
I would take issue with that -- nothing she said would lead to the conclusion that he "definitely" taking steroids. Occasional ED in young men could be caused by performance anxiety, lack of sleep, stress, exhaustion, or any number of physiologic factors running in the background. Agree with Hairy D that he should get himself checked out.View Thread
There is absolutely no chance that any metabolites from these substances will show up in her urine specimen. Of course, you will tell her that some anonymous guy on WebMD said not to worry, and she may accuse you of coming up with a very convenient answer....View Thread
Shelby, you say you have a great sex life otherwise, but I'm sure it could be much. much better. Pleasure in sex is derived primarily (I think) of giving of yourself to enhance your partner's sexual fulfillment; when both partners feel that way, there is truly joy in lovemaking. Clearly your BF does not enjoy going down on you, and does not care enough about your pleasure to overcome his aversion to oral. But from the 1st part of your letter, maybe he is getting the vibe that that's OK with you, or at least, gets a passing grade -- intercourse is good; you're still giving him head etc. We might give him the benefit and say he is misinformed; that you don't really have to climax to enjoy sex to the fullest, but this is not true; otherwise you would not have posted.
My suggestion is to shake things up a little bit: buy one of those HItachi vibrator things that BOB 249 posted about a few days ago, wrap it up and give it to him as a gift. Tell him you ready to take things to the next level and you are anxious to show him how he can really make your toes curl. Then introduce it the next time you have some unrushed alone time. Show him how to use it on you (you might want to practice in advance 1st and when things get hot and heavy, tell him you want him to go down on you. Give him lots of positive reinforcement. Be directive. Teach him. If he makes you come that way, maybe he will gain in knowledge and confidence.
Honestly, there is no excuse when a man does not pull out all the stops to bring his partner to orgasm. If he still doesn't get it after this, hmm, consider that sex very rarely heats up after the vows. Good luck, BVView Thread
Alcohol is not necessarily bad; only if you overdo it -- 1 to 2 a day is actually good for your circulatory system. What I took away from your post was that it sounds like there is something going on in the background with you -- you said your alcohol intake increased 4 mo ago, your diet has gone to hell and you're suddenly slacking at the gym. So what else is going on with you? It's possible that the booze, diet and lack of activity are affecting your performance, but it is also possible that these are also being caused by whatever else might be happening. Stress and depression are huge libido killers, major life events can be as well. BTW, what is your approx age? And do you watch an excessive amt of porn?View Thread
Agree with FCL -- the superficial communication is probably more damning than the light sex life, in that you don't sound too sexually incompatible. However the inertia your BF is showing is troubling. You can sense there are issues, and he acknowledges that, but is unwilling to do anything about them. This will only get worse. So it is up to you -- if this isn't something you are willing to sign up for -- and from what you say above, it is not -- then I think bold action is called for. Your BF sounds too comfortable. Relationships take work.View Thread
Hmm, I think we should dig a little deeper. You've posted on this board, so clearly you are not happy with having no sex drive, but we don't know whether it's because you think you should have one, and you don't, or because you are having issues in your current relationship, if you are in one. So post again giving us more background on your situation. There are answers; do not lose hope.View Thread
But to this I would add, if you are serious about this girl, the mismatched libidos are an early-warning sign of trouble ahead. You said: "....but she's not in the mood and does it against her will. It's very frustrating for both of us." There are so many couples who are miserable because they are sexually incompatible. Usually, in the early stages of love, neither one can get enough of each other sexually, but as the relationship progresses, the differences in libido become apparent. In your case, you're both in your early 20s, and only dating 6 months. I would say to you that this is a huge red flag, not just a minor "she likes rap, I like rock" kind of thing.
Bingo! Your fitness routine as described is burning probably 6-7,000 calories a week. You're doing an hour of weights most days....your body is crying out for protein. It needs protein badly to repair the damage you are doing to your muscles. I understand you are a type II diabetic, but please do some research on a proper and safe diet (not dieting; those never work) that will benefit you in concert with your workout routine (which I compliment you on). Not being able to get a hardon might be the least of your concerns unless you find a better balance between protein, carbs and fats, and get enough of each. Good luck!View Thread
You don't say how old you are, or what kind of general shape you are in (although if you are doing 6 days of cardio and are still alive, odds are your shape is pretty good). As Jeremy says, you also don't indicate if the issue arose at the same time you ratcheted up the fitness regimen, so it's hard to know if that's the culprit.
I am doubtful though, because while it's alot of exercise it is not excessive, and intuitively you would expect it to have just the opposite effect. Your heart is becoming this massively powerful organ, pumping torrents of blood to distant regions, including the southern peninsula. So write back and give us more details, including whether this change was gradual or sudden.
As an aside, and I don't mean to hijack this board with fitness advice, but if you are not doing zone training for your cardio, I would highly recommend it. For most of my adult life I thought cardio meant just going balls-to-the-wall the whole time, and that's the wrong way to approach it. I would recommend a book called "Younger Next Year" by Chris Crowley as a good, light-hearted introduction to why this is important. Good luck!View Thread
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