Wow this brought back memories. I was a good Catholic boy and waited so long to have sex. When I was 19 I brought my GF at the time to her prom. She was gorgeous, a dancer, and also a virgin. We engaged in some heavy petting in my car at the beach well after, and I had just enough beer in my to say, screw it, you held out longer than most. But I was so turned on, and she was so tight, that I shot off, while trying just to force my way in. Of course I had no idea what I was doing. So for awhile after that, I really didn't know whether I was still a virgin or not.View Thread
A guy's perspective: I've been with women who climaxed with intercourse and others that would never without extraordinary measures. If you make your partner come thru penetration, don't get a big head thinking your Valentino. If you can't, don't feel like you're a loser. Truth is, we're pretty much all in the middle as lovers, and what will set you apart is caring enough to tune into the sexual vibe you have as a couple, and nurturing that like you would nurture a spark you hope will become a roaring campfire. A man who cares about his partner's pleasure is a very sexy guy. The fact that you are asking this question here makes me think you are well on your way to becoming a good lover. There are no wrong answers. Enjoy!View Thread
My 2 cents on this. I'm going to assume you are female, and further assume that you both are in your early 20s. Now 3 years is a very reasonable amount of time to assess whether you are compatible life partners. From what you have described, I see a man who really does not want to get married -- you proposed, he said yes, but the fall of 2012 is "rushing into it?" That's a red flag for me right there. It sounds like he is torn because he clearly wants to be with you; likes what you have, but is petrified of the commitment. You had to propose to him and you bought the ring -- more red flags.
I would suggest to you that pushing this man in the direction of marriage is a mistake. He may be a risk averse type, may want to keep his options open. I think the decision is yours -- if you find the status quo to be unacceptable, meaning you really really want to get married and start a family -- then you may want to cut your losses and start again. Easier said than done I know, if you care enough about him to want to marry him. I would sit him down and discuss his reticence with him, to evaluate whether he's just not ready now, or if he will never be ready. Good luck,View Thread
You went to the Dr, but I think he needs to. For 2 reasons - to get himself checked for STDs, and to have his dick examined. You didn't mention how old he was. It is normal as a man gets older to have less ejaculate than when he was younger -- I certainly do -- but what you describe sounds more sudden than a gradual age-related decline. He could have some swelling due to a contusion or some other injury. There used to be a Men's Urology community on WebMD; that would be another place to pose your question. Good luck,View Thread
It's true that orgasms induce sleep in men -- but it has nothing to do with the exertion. I've used masturbation for years to fall asleep after 30 min of staring at the ceiling. Supposedly a hormone is released in men after orgasm that brings this on:
You're a good woman Elle. You consistently post authoritative, helpful responses, but I never recall you posting a question of your own. Many people with great advice hang around for a few months and then they're gone, and I myself have not checked in for awhile, but you been a constant source of information and consolation (making people like the OP) feel better about themselves. Bless you.
And for anyone reading this, Elle's advice is as good as it gets. You can take it to the bank
Hello, my wife and I are similar to you and your husband - over 40; married just over 20. He's right; you should not be overly sensitive about this; it does not reflect negatively on his feelings for you. In our case, we use alot of foreplay, so our intercourse is actually pretty short because she only lasts about 2 min before climaxing, and is so sensitive afterwards that she can't take any more friction. She tries different positions, but I know it's not enjoyable for her, so I ask her to just finish me manually, and that is sort of the rhythm we have settled into. I think it is true though that I last much longer than I used to, probably due to age, but also due to experience I think.
It sounds like you may have settled into the same doldrums as we have sexually though, where it's pretty vanilla. If you are willing to spice things up a little by moving out of your comfort zone a little, it may perk him up abit. Good luck!View Thread
It is unlikely that the past trauma to your clit is getting in the way of your climaxing, physically that is. BTW, what kind of idiot performs oral to the point of drawing blood?! How old was this guy? He was doing it WRONG.
I agree with what Goodguy82 is telling you. It will happen for you, but you need to find out what turns you on, relax, and practice! Fortunately this kind of practice can be fun. Use lube, check out some porn, see if that turns you on, get some toys and work up a fantasy with the hunk of your dreams. Orgasms are 90% mental & mood related.
Hi. A couple of thoughts. When you say that he comes too soon, 1-2 minutes before you get started, do you really mean 1-2 min after he penetrates you? If he really is coming while he's pulling back the comforter, then yes, that's abit early, but if it's once you start having sex, then that's sooner than average (the figure usually used in this room is about 3-5 minutes), but not terribly early. But certainly there are things you can do to prolong sex.
One thing that strikes me about your post is that you appear to feel that this might be attack on you, or some reflection on how he feels about you. I can tell you that when your BF says it only happens with you, he is paying you a compliment. Male orgasms are mostly all in the head, and if he is coming that soon, he's either really turned on by you, or the way he feels when he sinks into you is mindblowing to him. In my experience, I could last much longer with some GFs than others, but the sex was much more exciting with the GFs I was more attracted to, or who I "fit" better with. When he says he can't control it, he can't. There's no way in the world he's bored. But...
...nothing will kill sexual desire quicker than anxiety and suspicion (of each other's motives). If you both really are stressing over this, you will be nipping your sexual life with each other in the bud, before it has a chance to blossom. Sex is a blast! It's supposed to be fun, but you have approach it from a standpoint of adventure and trust, using communication. There's no need to feel depressed over this -- you just have to readjust your expectations, and relax! One thing I would do is make sure you have plenty of time set aside the next time you have sex. And don't even think about intercourse for the 1st 30 minutes or so. Just spend time enjoying each others bodies, engaging in mutual masturbation and oral. Make him cum and then only have sex when he's able to get erect again. He should be much slower on the draw this time.
One last thought -- the whole idea of coming together is quaint but sort of like Camelot in my experience....it just doesn't happen that often. Instead of making that the goal, lower the standard for great lovemaking to ensuring that both partners feel loved and cared for. That should help banish the anxiety and suspicion from your bedroom. Hey report back, OK? Good luck!View Thread