See All
Preferences
My Communities
My Discussions
My Email Digests

In "Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty" by Joan Price, men and women are invited to learn about the sexual experiences of older adults. Though largely focused on the female experience, both sexes can learn from the expert advice and the anecdotes. It also includes information related to menopause, loss of a partner, loss of libido, the use of sex toys and more.View Thread

1. Choose the right lubricant for the right situation. Water-based lubricant and silicone-based lubricant are well suited for latex condoms (oil-based products, such as olive oil, oil-based lubricants or massage oil can cause latex condoms to tear). Silicone-based lubricants are better suited for sex play in the bath, shower or hot tub as water-based lubricants will wash away.
2. Apply the lubricant to your or your partner's fingertips for more careful application and less chance of spilling it onto the bed or floor.
3. Next, use your or your partner's fingers to apply the lubricant to the parts that need to 'fit together" well, such as around a woman's vaginal opening or on a man's penis. If you're using lubricant for sex toy play, consider applying some lubricant to the sex toy as well.
4. Water-based lubricant is easily absorbed into the body, so if sex goes on for some time, water-based lubricant may need to be re-applied. Small dabs of water can also help to re-activate the lubricant.
You can learn more about different lubricant types and how to use them for different types of sex (e.g., oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex, sex toy play, with or without condoms, in the shower or bath) in Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure or Satisfaction. View Thread

If you have questions about your own erectile function or health, please check in with a healthcare provider.View Thread

Your obsessing over this, as you said, isn't helping. Sometimes we all, as humans, can get stuck with our mental thoughts that make us feel worse and worse about someone else, or about ourselves. Lines like "I'm good enough to do the dishes but not for anal" suggest to me that you're beating yourself up over this, and also building resentment, through your train of thoughts.
I would highly recommend meeting with a marriage counselor or sex therapist about this issue - you can find one at apa.org or sstarnet.org. Recently I wrote a guide to anal pleasuring (including anal sex, but also related to fingering and sex toys, etc) that you can find for download on Amazon or GoodinBed.com - it's called the Good in Bed Guide to Anal Pleasuring. I mention this because there are significant sections of this guide that deal with reasons why people do, or don't, want to engage in anal play; ways to communicate with a partner about it; and if and only if both partners are into it, how to get into it slowly and pleasurably, which can mean starting with fingering or anal rimming rather than penile-anal sex.
I hope this helps.
Best,
Debby Herbenick, PhDView Thread

Best,
Dr. Debby HerbenickView Thread


Best of luck and great question. I hope you soon feel confident about engaging in a pleasurable sex life in whatever way best suits you and your well-being.View Thread

I'd also recommend that he check in with his healthcare provider as sometimes erectile issues/penis sensitivity can be an early warning sign of diabetes or other medical conditions that affect nerve sensation. Better to be safe than sorry with a health check-up! Good for you two for being aware of, and communicating about, your sexual relationship.View Thread


Finally, the book "When Sex Hurts" by Dr. Andrew Goldstein and colleagues is something you may find of use.
I hope this is helpful.View Thread
See Related Sex & Relationships Communities
Women's Health Newsletter
Find out what women really need.
Other Sexual Health Information
- Sex & Relationships Center
- When to See a Sex Therapist
- Couples Coping Support Group Relationship advice for members like you!
-
More Related Communities
The opinions expressed in WebMD User-generated content areas like communities, reviews, ratings, or blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. User-generated content areas are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service, or treatment.
Do not consider WebMD User-generated content as medical advice. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.
Health Solutions From Our Sponsors
©2005-2013 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.

