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Your obsessing over this, as you said, isn't helping. Sometimes we all, as humans, can get stuck with our mental thoughts that make us feel worse and worse about someone else, or about ourselves. Lines like "I'm good enough to do the dishes but not for anal" suggest to me that you're beating yourself up over this, and also building resentment, through your train of thoughts.
I would highly recommend meeting with a marriage counselor or sex therapist about this issue - you can find one at apa.org or sstarnet.org. Recently I wrote a guide to anal pleasuring (including anal sex, but also related to fingering and sex toys, etc) that you can find for download on Amazon or GoodinBed.com - it's called the Good in Bed Guide to Anal Pleasuring. I mention this because there are significant sections of this guide that deal with reasons why people do, or don't, want to engage in anal play; ways to communicate with a partner about it; and if and only if both partners are into it, how to get into it slowly and pleasurably, which can mean starting with fingering or anal rimming rather than penile-anal sex.
I hope this helps.
Best,
Debby Herbenick, PhDView Thread

Best,
Dr. Debby HerbenickView Thread


Best of luck and great question. I hope you soon feel confident about engaging in a pleasurable sex life in whatever way best suits you and your well-being.View Thread

I'd also recommend that he check in with his healthcare provider as sometimes erectile issues/penis sensitivity can be an early warning sign of diabetes or other medical conditions that affect nerve sensation. Better to be safe than sorry with a health check-up! Good for you two for being aware of, and communicating about, your sexual relationship.View Thread


Finally, the book "When Sex Hurts" by Dr. Andrew Goldstein and colleagues is something you may find of use.
I hope this is helpful.View Thread

Being gay is more culturally accepted than it was when you were a teenager and you may find that, if you do feel you are gay, that you can come out and find the community - and partner(s) - that you perhaps earlier in life didn't realize was possible.View Thread


If you are certain that his penis stayed only in your anus/rectum and not inside your vagina, then you cannot get pregnant from that. However, I would encourage you to make sure that you are familiar enough with your body that you would be able to feel the difference.
Some young women mistakenly believe that if they have sex "from behind" (doggie style), that that is anal sex. However, anal sex involve penetration of the penis into the anus, which often is uncomfortable or painful (especially for beginners).
If you are certain that you only had anal sex, and that he did not ejaculate near your vagina or vaginal entrance, then you would not be able to become pregnant.
I would encourage you to become more familiar with your body, to insist that he use a condom for anal sex, and to use lubricant for anal sex - or to avoid sexual activity with him until you feel more comfortable and confident with the experience.View Thread
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