One of the best sex secrets I know is that some of the best, most pleasurable things about sex aren't "sex" as we know it at all. Once couples start having sex, it often becomes their primary way of being intimate, their "go-to" or routine. This is a shame as there are so many other ways to be intimate and sexual without "sex". Try mixing up your sex life to include more intimacy so that it's not all just routine.
Why not, for example: - Take a bath or shower together - Watch a movie together on the couch or in bed (maybe even naked) - Make out for 30 minutes with your clothes on - Talk about your days while rubbing each others' feet - Take turns giving each other a massage - Brush your partner's hair - Shave your partner's leg (or other parts) - Rub your partner's shoulders - Wash your partner's hair - Chase each other around the house (again, maybe naked)?
What else helps you to feel connected and sexy at the same time? What do you like doing with your partner (or wish you did more of)?View Thread
Healthcare providers and sex therapists often suggest giving it anywhere from 6 months to a year to see if it feels "the same" or not. As your body and hormone levels re-adjust (not to mention your sleep!), it can take considerable time to adjust to life after a baby, let alone sex after a baby.
Try to be patient with yourself. I'd also encourage you to explore books that focus on sex and love after welcoming a new baby into your life. You might find that Love in the Time of Colic by Ian Kerner and Heidi Raykeil (two parents who also know a lot about sex) is a good book to help you along the road.
Research that we've conducted at Indiana University has found that 53% of women and nearly half of men have used a vibrator, either alone or with a partner. And of course many more men and women are curious about using a vibrator with a partner but may not be sure about how to talk with their partner about using one together.
Sometimes I suggest that people who are interested in using vibrators with their partner broach the topic by saying how they read about vibrator use in a book or on the web or in a magazine - or that they've heard about it from a friend - and they're curious about trying it. It's a natural starting place for asking one's partner whether they'd be up for it.
That said, every couple is different. Some people have just brought a vibrator home, shown it to their partner and asked if they'd be into it. Others are out shopping one day and stumble into a sex boutique together.
How have you approached sex toy use with your partner? What's worked for you and what hasn't? I'm sure community members can benefit from your insights and experiences if you are willing to share.View Thread
If he cannot ejaculate under any circumstances (e.g., even when he masturbates alone) then he may have a physical problem that results in retrograde ejaculation, which is when a man ejaculates backwards into his body (into the bladder) rather than having it leave the body through the penis. This is not dangerous but it is something he might find helpful to speak with a healthcare provider about, especially if he ever hopes to have children.
If he can ejaculate during masturbation but not sex with a partner, it may be that he has developed certain masturbation techniques that feel particularly good to him but that he has difficulty learning to respond to stimulation from a partner. Or it may be that he requires more intense stimulation, such as vibration or a tighter hand grip. You might consider asking him to show you how he enjoys pleasuring himself.
The term "sex addiction" gets thrown around in the media as if it's a real, tangible thing that everyone agrees on. In fact, there's significant controversy among sex researchers and therapists about what to call, and sometimes how to treat, sexual behavior that seems to go out of control.
Some researchers and therapists do not use the term "sex addiction" as there don't seem to be physical withdrawal symptoms from sex as there may be from drugs or alcohol. Some describe out of control sexual behavior more as a "bad habit" in much the same way that shopping too much can be a bad habit (even though some people describe "shopping addictions" or "blackberry addictions", they're not "really" addictions in this same way).
Also, people have different definitions of what's "bad" or "deviant" sexual behavior. As a result, some people say that their partner is "sex addicted" when their partner, in actuality, is exhibiting typical sexual behavior (such as masturbating or watching porn).
As such, if you find yourself worried that you are "sex addicted" or that your partner is "sex addicted" I would encourage you to check in with a professional sex therapist (find one at aasect.org or sstarnet.org) who can talk with you and help you navigate the situation. All too often, people in relationships get angry with each other and blame each other for things or call each other names (like "sex addict") that cloud difficult feelings they're experiencing or going through. In these cases, having the outside help of a therapist can be beneficial.View Thread
I would encourage you to call your doctor's office and ask to speak with your doctor or with the nurse. You can ask to clarify what they mean by "no sex". As the cyst was removed from your ovary, the may not want you to have vaginal sex for 6 weeks but they might say that masturbation on the clitoris with your fingers or a vibrator (and not going inside your vagina) would be okay, or they might say that anal sex is okay. You won't know until you ask your healthcare provider (none of us here on the discussion board will be able to tell you what your doctor meant).
Orgasm feels different for everyone. Some women experience a mild sensation of pleasure or contentment. Others experience a stronger sensation related to orgasm, or they may experience orgasm as a distinct "event" that peaks with a big burst of energy or euphoria.
Nearly all women are capable of orgasm; however, some haven't received adequate information or training on how to go about it.
To learn more about how to have an orgasm alone or with a partner, check out the Orgasm chapter of my book "Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction."View Thread
People sometimes use intimacy as a way to get other people to do something sexual that they want done. The bottom line is that you should do only what you *want* to do sexually. If a man tells you that some sexual thing that you don't want to do will help you to "become closer" or "take your relationship to the next level" or "show you that he loves you" then you might consider the extent to which he's trying to manipulate you. In reply, you could say that what would really help you to feel closer/loved/appreciated is if he would accept and respect your decision not to do something you don't want to do.
Now, if he's asking for something that you *do* want to do, then that's another story. Just try to spend some time thinking about what you really want and enjoy out of your sexuality. You can learn more about how to communicate about sex in my book Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure & Satisfaction.View Thread
The curvy Christina Hendricks has been a break-out star from Mad Men and she's been the focus of much body appreciation and conversation. Some people say that seeing Hendricks on television or on magazine covers makes them feel good, as she's not a size-zero but a real, curvy, voluptuous looking woman. Others say that her body type is as unachievable as size-zero models, as few women will look like her if they gain a few pounds (most women don't gain weight primarily in their breasts, leaving a tiny waist). What do you think? And what helps you to feel good about your own body?View Thread
Anal sex is more common than in used to be although it's not as widespread as some examples of porn may lead people to believe. Research suggests that as many as about 40% of women and men in the US who are in their 30s and 40s have tried it at least once. Some never try it again. Some do it every now and then. As is being pointed out in this forum, however, few people engage in it frequently.
However, everyone is different and if you enjoy it, then have fun! Consider using a condom to reduce the risk of infection (particularly with partners whose history you don't know well) and you might let your doctor know that you engage in anal sex as well. The human papillomavirus (HPV), like other STIs, can spread to the anus and that way he/she can examine you for genital warts. A rectal swab can also be conducted to test patients for chlamydia and gonorrhea, as vaginal tests for these infections would not tell a doctor whether or not a person has an infection in their anus. HIV can be transmitted via anal sex, too.
For more information about anal sex, health and pleasure, check out the anal sex chapter of my book "Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure & Satisfaction." For questions about your anal and rectal health, please check in with your healthcare provider.View Thread