It concerns me that you mentioned your boyfriend is "pushing" for anal sex. All the lubricant in the world won't help if you are not comfortable with this and if your communication as a couple is not where it should be. For example, if you ask him to stop, will he immediately stop or will he tell you that everything is fine and keep going?
I devoted an entire chapter to anal sex in my book "Because It Feels Good" and I think you will find it a helpful step if this is something you want to try for yourself and not just for his sake.
I would suggest, too, that you take it slowly, consider a position that puts you in control (such as woman on top; yes it can be done with anal sex) but again - only do this if it is something YOU want. Remember, too, to use condoms as infections can be spread during anal sex, too. Please check in with your healthcare provider if you have questions about safety or infection.View Thread
If you're quite young (teens) this may just be a common experience that will improve over time. However, the fact that you referred to a colleague makes me think that you're an adult man who is experiencing spontaneous pre-ejaculate at inopportune times. Believe it or not, some men have overactive glands that cause this to happen. Some men feel very embarrassed about this and may wear two or three pairs of underwear to try to mask the extra wetness that can occur. Some men even avoid dating or contact with attractive co-workers because of this.
I would suggest meeting with a urologist. There have been several studies that have reported on successful treatments of this. If one urologist cannot help you, consider a second opinion as this is often a treatable situation. This is not an abormal behavior that "you" are responsible for; it's just your body's response.
As melded into "one" as couples may feel at times, they're still two separate people with different pasts, wants, needs and desires. And the only way they will learn what each other likes or desires in bed is if both people share their likes and needs. So how can you do this?
1. Find a time to talk about sex when you're not already having it and when neither of you is likely to be distracted by work, a favorite television show or making the kids' dinner. Let your partner know that you'd like to find some time to talk about your sex life - in a good way, of course!
2. If you're nervous, say that! If you let your partner know that it's difficult for you to talk about sex or to share your fantasies or desires, you will give them an opportunity to be gentle with you. If your partner is easily distracted, ask him or her for their undivided attention (TV off, laptop shut, phone put away).
3. Share what you're interested in! If it's difficult for you to say that these are your desires, you might start by saying that you saw something in a magazine, on a web site or on television that intrigued you or that made you think perhaps this is something you could talk about trying together.
4. Ask what they like! This can't be all about you. Let your partner know that you very much want to please him or her and you're open to hearing their own interests. You are also, of course, open to hearing their reactions to your wants/desires. If they're not into what your'e into, it's okay! And good of them to let you know.
Sharing sexual needs can be challenging. Many people are not comfortable talking about sex and worry that they will offend their partner by asking for something new in the bedroom. Try to have an open mind when you and your partner share ideas and make sure, too, to be clear about what you are or are not willing to try.View Thread
Research conducted by our team at Indiana University has found that about 53% of women (and nearly half of men) ages 18 to 60 have used a vibrator. Given how mainstream these products are, just how should they be cleaned?
Most toys can be cleaned with soap and water or with a special sex toy cleaner. However, you'll want to be sure to keep water away from any vibrating motors and/or battery compartments, including small crevices in the toys that might leak water to these parts.
Glass dildos and vibrators are among the easiest to clean as they are non-porous. Medical grade silicone toys are also easy to keep clean for similar reasons. Again, soap and water (or a sex toy cleaner) are often adequate.
Toys made of porous materials - such as soft Jelly materials - can be more difficult to keep clean as germs may get inside these more porous products. You can still use soap and water to clean most toys; however, you may find that taking an extra precaution to put a condom over the toy before using it may help you to feel more confident. Then, when you're done using it, just throw the condom away and clean as usual.
To learn more about sex toy cleaning, check out my book "Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure & Satisfaction", the book "Moregasm" or talk to the store or person who sold you the toy.View Thread
Yes, some women do "squirt" but it doesn't necessarily seem that all women can or do. In fact, the majority probably do not. So, I would suggest to your husband that he appreciate your body and your sexuality and your sexual response for what they are rather than trying to achieve something else. Trying to make you squirt would be like trying to teaching him to ejaculate at a faster speed. He may be able to, but it's unlikely. You may squirt one day, too, but maybe not. Many videos look high and wide to find actresses who can do that for the videos but many women never do.View Thread
I would strongly encourage you to seek couples counseling - check out www.aamft.org for a therapist in your area. You do not seem to be happy in your relationship and it seems you two are having difficulty communicating about this. Perhaps working with a therapist, alone or together, would be helpful.View Thread
People vary in their sex drives and it is true that some people have a higher sex drive than other people. It is creative of your husband to try various types of masturbation including his hand and the use of toys (Which nearly half of men have used alone or with a partner, by the way).
I would say, though, that if you don't want to participate in his masturbation that you shouldn't feel you have to. If you do, then great! But I would encourage you to consider your own pleasure and your mutual pleasure as a couple, and not just his pleasure.
You also asked if the porn was a problem. Although the vast majority of men watch porn, every couple has to work it out for themselves how to manage this. If you are okay with him watching porn, but prefer he not do it in front of you, that's perfectly normal and you can say that. Perhaps he could watch it in another room.
Finally, having sex once or twice a week is common for couples in their 20s and 30s (it's about average) whereas about once a week is closer to average for couples in their 40s. I hope this is helpful.View Thread
Men often do not experience any symptoms of trichomoniasis. If you are experiencing genital symptoms or other health concerns, please check in with your healthcare provider for testing and/or treatment.View Thread
Many people have questions about sex therapy. Let's start by debunking some common myths about sex therapy. For example, as part of sex therapy, you will never be asked to: 1. Have sex with your therapist.
It is against therapists' ethical code to have a sexual relationship with their clients. If a therapist ever asks you on a date or hits on you, you can notify their supervisor or someone from the American Psychological Association. Sex surrogates are individuals who engage in sexual contact with clients as part of a therapeutic process, but this practice is legal in only a few places in the US and these individuals work in conjunction with a therapist. The therapist him/herself does not have any sexual contact with the clients.
2. Get naked in front of your sex therapist.
Even if you have questions about your or your partner's breasts or genitals, you will not be asked to show these parts to your therapist — nor should you offer to. Sex therapists have a professional relationship with their clients that does not involve nudity. If you have a question about the size or shape of your genitals, you can discuss these concerns with your therapist. However, if you would like feedback on your genital appearance, ask your doctor to have a look at your next appointment.
3. Have sex in front of your therapist.
Sex therapists may also ask you about your masturbation or about your sex life with your partner. However, you don't have to share any information you're uncomfortable sharing. And you will never be asked to have sex or to masturbate in front of your therapist.
4. Tape yourself having sex.
Even though celebrity sex tapes are a dime a dozen these days, you will never be asked to make your own sex tape to show your therapist. If your sex therapist has questions about your sexual behavior, he or she can ask you - that's their job!. Talking about sex is great practice for communicating about sex with a partner.
5. Do anything sexual that you don't want to do.
Sex therapists frequently suggest sexual activities as "homework exercises" that clients can do in the privacy of their own home. That said, your sexuality is your own and you can always decide not to do something that you don't want to do. You can always ask your therapist for other suggestions.
So what will happen during sex therapy? You can expect to talk to your sex therapist and to possibly be asked about your childhood and adolescence, how you learned about sex, and about your early experiences with masturbation and sex. Your therapist will also likely ask what your sexual concerns are. If you're in a relationship, your therapist may ask that you bring your partner to some or all of your sessions.
Sex therapy can be an effective path toward a better sex life for many people and for all sorts of sexual concerns. To find a sex therapist in your area, visit AASECT.org or SSTARNET.org.View Thread
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