In one short week, you're beginning to doubt your wife just because you're having a little difficulty? Snap out of it. Your physical symptoms are already waning; all you're doing right now is tearing yourself and your marriage up with your own insecurity. Don't allow it to continue. Don't let your mental hang-ups poison your relationship. It's not fair to either you or your wife.
I've experienced an extended period where being around my SO produced no feelings of sexual desire. I've experienced an extended period of time where even when I felt desire, I was unable to climax. It lasted for months. He had the misfortune of meeting me when I was suffering from PTSD, and I simply wasn't in a good mental place to relax and enjoy the moment. I was scared and nervous and anxious--I was afraid I'd blow it, and I was worried that if I couldn't respond normally, this wonderful person would find someone else who would.
What helped me get over it was trusting his judgment. The people who love us do so for any number of reasons---some of which we may not even see when we're too busy being down on ourselves. They love us, and that gift of love and faith is too precious to treat with suspicion. They love us--and sometimes, the best thing to do is take the focus off ourselves, and show them that we love them, too. Court your wife, woo your wife, stop thinking about yourself and focus on her. If you're able to stop dwelling on what's happening with you, and just enjoy being with the person you love, you might find the issues you're experiencing resolve themselves.
Right now, you're dealing with performance anxiety; so take FCL's advice and remove the pressure to perform. Explore intimacy all you want, romance your wife, cuddle, kiss, ect...and use this as an opportunity to explore and enjoy all the things you love about each other beyond penetrative sex.View Thread
I'd seriously consider ending the relationship. I agree with Pi--he's treating you like crap, actively looking for multiple other sex partners/your replacemnt, is lying about you, mocking you, and refuses to stop any of the behaviors that are damaging your relationship. He doesn't want to talk to you, because he doesn't want to change--and he won't even give you the respect of telling you it's over. He's keeping you around for sex, while trolling to get it somewhere else.
Honestly, I'm amazed you stayed this long. You deserve better than a partner without an ounce of respect, integrity, or faithfulness in his body...and at the heart of you, I think you know it. You can't stand him touching you or trying to have sex with you because you can't stand the way he's treating you, and given that he refuses to change, I'd say the time has come to kick him to the curb.View Thread
I agree with Queston. Get counseling ASAP. Both of you. While receiving counseling on your own may help you come to terms with your feelings, without her being there, the root cause of dissension in your marriage will remain unchanged. She needs to understand that her actions are putting your marriage at risk, and she needs to see that permanent lasting changes will need to be made if she has any hope of saving it--and sex therapy may help with addressing some of her hang-ups in the foreplay department.
On the other hand...is it possible that while your wife loves you, she's no longer 'in' love with you? You've mentioned she's had an emotional affair--if she still believes she's in love with someone else, or believes she's no longer in love with you, that would explain a lot. For many women, physical intimacy is contingent on emotional intimacy---if her heart's no longer in your marriage, it would explain why she's trying to remove her body as well.View Thread
I'd recommend a sex therapist for you--and if you're open to it, it might help if your wife could come along so that she'll have a better understanding of what you're going through as you try to get this aspect of your marriage on a more even keel.
You're entirely too self-conscious about physical intimacy, and your mindset/the way you were raised has definitely warped and distorted your perspective on one of the best things life has to offer: an intimate, passionate, and fun/enjoyable sexual relationship with your wife. Sex is an amazing, incredible gift--and it can also be a physical expression of love. It's a wonderful way to show your wife how much you care, and for her to express how much she loves you. Sex is good. There's nothing inherently dirty or wrong about it; especially with the right partner.
It's great that you realize there's a problem; now the thing to do is work on fixing it. Unfortunately, it's not something that will change overnight, which is why I highly recommend therapy for the constant reinforcement, tools, and help you'll need to get the best chance to overcome this hurdle.View Thread
Have you tried Kegels? They're muscle exercises that strengthen the pelvic floor muscle (and they have a side affect of allowing you greater control to hold him/squeeze him more tightly if you want). They're a good exercise for him as well.
I don't see why your sex life would make you become become looser...but Kegels will definitely help you to seem 'tighter'. Once you start doing them though, you'll need to keep at it--because just like when training any other muscle group, if you don't use it, you'll lose the benefits you previously gained.View Thread
The fact that you've never had sex because you wanted to is probably directly related to why you've never had the big O. It sounds like you've experimented with different partners and gone along with their desires without ever really having any desire for them or sex with them for yourself.
What you might need is to enjoy being single, enjoy being a mom, and when you're ready--enjoy the company and companionship of someone you actually want to be romantically/physically involved with. You can't make yourself want someone. You either do or you don't. If you haven't experienced either desire or orgasms with your partners, there's probably a reason why.
I'd get your hormones checked out to rule out a possible imbalance as the root cause--then hold out for someone you actually want. When you desire someone, sex isn't about giving in, or submitting, or (cringe) a chore or obligation to keep your partner satisfied--it's about pleasure, sensation, enjoyment, intimacy (and yes, climax).View Thread
You might consider stool softeners, drinking more fruit juice (a little prune juice if you can stomach it) and just relaxing during bowel-movements, not pushing in any way, and letting gravity do the work.
One of my sisters had an issue where she'd start spotting with BM's, she took the above steps, and it worked.
I'd still recommend following through with your appointment just to rule out anything more serious even if this seems to clear up the problem.View Thread
Brush up on your foreplay skills--especially oral--as well as kissing, stroking, & caressing other parts of her body. Try to blow her mind before entering her. My fiance occasionally doesn't last as long as he'd like once he's inside me--but since he's made sure I climaxed before even going there, it's a non-issue for me. I think he's fantastic in the sack, and I have no complaints. If you've given your partner a marathon of foreplay, chances are she won't really care if the last few yards are sprint---especially if you've already made sure she climaxed before the home stretch.
Also, it's fairly rare for women to climax through vaginal penetration alone--no matter how long their partner lasts. Rarely having sex can also lead to a shortened performance for guys regardless of any other factors.
In summary: Frequently indulge in lots of oral & foreplay before going for penetrative sex, and the issue may resolve itself.View Thread
What you've experienced is female ejaculation; it's a fairly rare gift/ability, and for the women who are capable of it, it's also indicative of an intense orgasm. Just lay down a towel or two if you're concerned about the squirting, and enjoy the ride.
You may find it easier to take the lead if you don't think of it as initiating sex--or taking on the role of an 'obsessed' person. Obsession has a lot of negative connotations in my mind, but teasing, sensuality, and being my fiance's nympho are completely different--I love and enjoy every minute of bringing him to his knees.
How do you like to be touched? How does he like to be touched? Use what you know works, and then build upon it. When starting out, it doesn't need to be anything blatantly erotic--it could be massaging the nape of his neck, stroking his shoulders, running your hands along his spine...and if he seems to be into it, pairing that with kisses, whispering in his ears what you'd like him to do you, and what you'd love to do to him. From there (assuming you're both in the mood) it's an easy segue into more physical foreplay, and onto the main event.
The wonderful thing about that is it gives you a chance to seduce him (not just initiate sex). There doesn't need to be any end goal aside from mutual pleasure. If it seems there are times when he's less than receptive, just remember there may be times when neither of you are in the mood for full-on sex. Intimacy & sex is amazingly fun if you and your lover are open to having a good time, and taking the lead can be addictively enjoyable. My fiance is never in doubt when I want him, I love to tease, and I love being with him, seducing him, and making love with him--it's fun to drive him wild.View Thread
Possibly low testosterone, hormonal imbalance, or erectile dysfunction. I'd highly recommend discussing this with your doctor. I've also had relatives who experienced sudden drops in their sex drives before and after surgery, and it was related to medication they were taking--that might be a possibility with you.
Another option would be that much as you love & are still attracted to your partner, you might have fallen into a bit of a sexual rut, and trying out something new (whether toys, positions, roleplay, ect) might be just the thing to jump start your sex drive.View Thread