I agree with the sex therapy suggestions, as well as sitting down calmly to discuss what's happening, and how it makes you feel. Also--GAP's suggestion of making sure your husband knows before hand that you won't be pushing for intercourse after you talk is a good one.
One thing you might consider is moving intimacy into the shower if you have firm handholds/something to brace against. Having the water pouring over both of you should help wash any triggering evidence away before he sees it, and you might find it's a good way to ease him back into the habit.
In my case, showers are my salvation. I'd go mad without them during certain times of the month. My fiance started off not having a problem with foreplay and fooling around on my period...that changed after the first time we had sex. He was my first, and despite the fact that we'd warmed me up for over 2 months to accommodate the real thing (he's a bit on the large side), I bled and it hurt. Admittedly, I didn't feel any pain within moments after shock of impact--there's a reason I turned out to be a nympho--but when it was over, he freaked when he saw red.
To this day (6 yrs later), his reaction is unchanged. He absolutely freaks if he sees my blood on him--he's afraid he hurt me, and he just shuts down. No matter how many times we've talked about it, his visceral reaction is the same. So...bring on the showers. We can enjoy each other without seeing anything that will disturb him.View Thread
In general, for women to have their cervix bumped/crashed into repeatedly during sex would be the equivalent of racking a man repeatedly---and when his balls had been crushed into mush, ask if that felt good.
Not every woman is the same though; case in point--your wife. What felt good for her would probably be excruciating for someone else, simply because not every woman's cervical sensitivity is the same.View Thread
While nothing will truly replace the cervix, if your wife is open to it, you might look into ben wa balls (the type with strings attached) as a substitute. That way, after foreplay you could insert them, then go for vaginal penetration, and the adult toys should provide a bit of resistance--an 'end' to the tunnel if you will. Just make sure you pull them out when you're through. You might also want to run this idea by your doctor just to insure that it will be safe for you to do BEFORE actually proceeding.View Thread
There are 3 possible explanations for his behavior that I can think of:
He likes the idea of being exclusive, but when he had to actually think about giving up playing the field, he's decided he wants more time to play around. Aka: fear of commitment.
He has no clue what he wants.
He likes the idea of you being exclusive, while he gets to play the field. When you called him on it, he backtracked.
So, there are a couple of things that need to be addressed:
Are you monogamous? Don't simply assume you are, particularly after his reaction. Always use protection.
Do you want to hang around, waiting until he's really, truly sure he wants to go exclusive---knowing that he's going to actively be keeping his options open during that timeframe?
Whichever way you decide, there is no wrong answer. Only you know what's right for you, and as long as you proceed with your eyes wide open, there's no reason you couldn't be happy with him or without him. I can understand why this threw you for a loop; I'd be feeling the same way in your shoes...and I wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide.View Thread
My guy will know pretty much instantly if I think he needs to clean up a bit...one of the first things I do when I see him is stroke his face & the nape of his neck, then stand on tip toes to kiss him. If he hasn't shaved, both of us notice immeadiately...and depending on whether or not we're studying, hanging out, or going to do some serious petting, he'll go shave right away.
If things are heating up, he may excuse himself to shave below the belt as well. It's a habit he picked up before I came into his life, but I have to admit I support it. We both will make an extra effort to stay clean shaven where it counts (especially if we think there's a chance that area will recieve some extra attention). Nothing kills the moment like hairballs.
As for BO...if he stinks, I'll haul him straight from the front door to the shower. Since I go in with him, he's all for it View Thread
From what you've written, it sounds like he's distanced himself from the slightest bit of concern or care for your needs in this area.
When you want sex, he turns it into an arguement and blames you; when he wants sex, he give you the same amount of foreplay as a blow-up doll & expects that to be enough. He's cheated before, and you're worried he'll do it again....
Is there something good about your marriage?
Are things working out for you outside of the bedroom?
Sex aside, are you happy with your relationship?
It's actually fairly common for partners to have mismatched libidios, and it can be a difficult challenge to overcome....it's nearly impossible if the relationship isn't on firm ground.
BOTH partners need to be interested in meeting their loved one halfway, BOTH partners need to communicate effectively, and BOTH partners have to put their best efforts into helping the relationship succeed, in and out of the bedroom. You can't fix this issue on your own, he has to be willing to contribute as well.
If he isn't willing to hold up his end, counseling might help...and if that doesn't work, are there enough things going right in your marriage that you'll stay with him, for the prime of your life & beyond, even if your needs are not satisfied?View Thread
I'd get checked out just to be safe. You said this was a recent development, and it's been long enough after your hysterectomy that complications from it probably aren't the issue. It's impossible for anyone on the web to accurately & with certainty diagnose what could be the cause of your pain, so please see a doctor.View Thread
My guy does just fine even though he's on the larger side. I don't mind, though it would be nice if he was toned purely for eye-candy purposes. It's who he is on the inside that I fell in love with, and I've gotta admit, he has killer eyes & an amazing smile. He's working on getting to his goal weight, which I fully support. Right now he's got this ridiculous fear that laying on top of me is going to crush me--it doesn't, I'm fine, but he never believes me.
As for me, I need to get a little lighter, too. I am too heavy for him....though he'd never say it directly. He loves me, excess curves and all--but when I'm on top I can truly knock the wind out of him. He loves picking me up & tossing me in the air...and I'm not light enough to do that safely. I'm always afraid I'll hurt him in cow-girl, or he'll hurt himself trying to lift me.View Thread
Are you female? If so, and your solo efforts are making you bleed, are you using your hands? Specifically, inserting your fingers into your vagina, using them to stimulate your clitoris, or another sensitive portion of your gentialia?
If you are...it could be something as simple as your fingernails being too long. If they extend over your fingertips, you might be accidentally scraping yourself while masturbating--and depending on how cought up in the moment you are, you might not notice any pain, discomfort, or blood until later. Try trimming your nails, blunting them by filing, and see if that helps.View Thread
She might not have been ready for it to end. Sometimes, women can experience refactory periods after climax just like men---where continuing on can be painful or uncomfortable after orgasm. If you weren't ready to climax as well, switching her position may have been the female equilvalent of reciting baseball stats to prevent coming too soon, that way she could last long enough for you.
On the other hand, she may not like the loss of control. Climax (when you're experiencing it) is a force of nature, but to have one, you have to let go. So, if your wife is very concerned with control over her emotions and body, she may be preventing climax because she doesn't want to lose it (which is what a good orgasm tends to do).
Another possiblilty is that at some point in your past sexual history, she DID lose control...of everything. Not just muscle spasms, but her bladder as well. At risk of TMI, that happened once with me. My fiance literally rocked my world, and I was having multiples like crazy...and then I went one orgasm too far and lost it completely. I was nearly ready to die from emabarrassment. It took a while before I was comfortable enough to orgasm again---I was terrifed I'd wet myself. Now, if I think I'm getting close, I'll tap out...but immeadiately after it happened, experiencing climax was something I wanted to avoid at all costs because I didn't want to risk another accident.
The last idea I have is that it might be a trust/self image issue. You really have to be comfortable and trust a person to let go and let them see you at your most vulenerable. If your wife isn't comfortable with her looks, or isn't comfortable with your relationship, it might be another reason for her behavior.View Thread