I understand your confusion and grief over the lack of sexual intimacy with your husband. This sounds like a possible form of sexual anorexia, the compulsive avoidance of giving and receiving sexual love. I recommend finding a sex therapist in your area. Here is a link to help you with your search: http>//iitap.com/find_csat.cfm
If your husband is unwilling to attend couples counseling, it would be beneficial for you to find a sex therapist for yourself as the partner of a sexual anorexic.
You might also consider 12-Steps programs, particularly Al-Anon and CoDA which focus on partner issues. There are also 12-Step support groups for partners of Sex Addicts (including anorexics) such as COSLAA and COSA. An online search for each group will give you the meeting list for your area.
Any work that you can do for yourself will provide clarity and give you tools for establishing intimacy and healthy boundaries in every relationship in which you choose to participate.View Thread
The HBI (Hypersexual Behavior Inventory) is a helpful tool for identifying whether you are a sex addict. It's 100% free and anonymous.
This test contains statements that describe various thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. As you answer each question, choose the answer to the right that best describes you. Please be sure to answer every question. For the purpose of this questionnaire, sex is defined as any activity or behavior that stimulates or arouses a person with the intent to produce an orgasm or sexual pleasure.
You'll receive an instant score that will advise you if you should seek professional help or not.View Thread
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