I feel the same way. That's why I've felt resentment towards him. I feel like I'm willing to do whatever it takes, whatever he wants, and he couldn't care less. Or doesn't have enough 'desire' to care. I know I could use some tips in the bedroom, so I ask him what he likes, or how he likes it. All he ever says is "I don't know. I like what you do.." Which is total bull. It's rare he likes when I'm on top. But I'm so self conscious, and when I ask for direction, he never gives me anything,
It's true he's older, so I don't doubt a testosterone drop. We do have a lot of financial worries, especially with a baby on the way. I try to be sensitive to these potential factors playing a role in our sex life. But than again, I go back to saying if he doesn't have the desire to please me, why does he have the desire to still initiate/have sex, and receive oral from me? Something just doesn't add up to me.
I at one point made a profile on a "hook up" site to maybe find someone who would be willing to please me, vise versa. But It didn't take too long before I deleted it.. It made me feel way too guilty, and even more depressed that I'd even consider that. But if pleasing me is that much of a burden sometimes it seems logical to keep us both happy. (Not that he'd be happy if I cheated on him though).
I've never been in this situation before, and I don't have anyone to talk to about it, other than websites.
I've never been able to "let go" sexually. I've always been super self conscious. But I want to be able to learn. I want sex to be a great- care free experience for me. This whole sherrade has made all of my worries and concerns that much worse.. My self esteem has hit an all time low. I know he loves me, but I can't help but feel like I'm not what he wants cause he doesn't desire me sexually like I'd think someone should.
I'm at a loss. And at this point I'd be worse off in life without him. I'd have no one to help me with the baby so I could work or get anything done. So even if I wanted to leave him (which I don't) it would make everything wayyyy harder and more complicated.View Thread
Last night I tried just putting my hand on his leg, and kissing him a little, than just going about watching tv. Second time I did that though he was acting all uneasy and wouldn't really kiss me back. Might have to try a massage first! Thanks!View Thread
Is there anyone with maybe some ideas on how I could go about this? I don't want to come off too aggressive, and history repeat itself. Any settle ways I can make my move and ease him into it comfortably?View Thread
I keep hoping it will get better. Every so often he gets bursts of sex drive, or is just trying to do the bare minimum cause he's aware I'm unhappy about our sex life, and all the sudden he "wants" to go down on me and get all hot and heavy. But it will only be like two times, than back to normal.
For the last how ever many months I've been so unsatisfied with our sex life! Than I had a uti, so it was a nice excuse to tell him we shouldn't have sex. Than we didn't see each other for a couple days. Than yesterday I came over and he was making out with me, went down on me, and we had best sex against the wall than we have had in some time! But I'm now anticipating the transition back.
Every other aspect of our relationship is great, I adore him. I just get so frustrated when I have to put up with mediocre sex for so long before getting what I really want.View Thread
When it comes to actual intercourse, he's picky. He doesn't like to be dominated, doesn't like when I initiate, and rarely ever likes for me to do more than half the work. But sometimes that leads to a routine. And I get bored with that cause sometimes I want to dominate him and please him. But it always makes him all uncomfortable when I try. So I don't.
He has brought up a time or two that he wonders if his testosterone level has lowered. But wouldn't that make him not desire sexual encounters in general? Rather than him just picking about choosing, and non of what he picks and chooses is pleasing me?
I've tried talking to him in SO many ways, so many different times. He gets super annoyed whenever I bring it up, and says it makes him not want to do it that much more. I've tried just saying things like "now that we've been sleeping together, what are your likes and dislikes? Is there anything you haven't tried that you've liked to?" And he just ignores me. There was one time that he eventually heard me out, felt bad, and said he'd try. But of course that never happened. Like I said, every other time I bring it up, no matter how I try to do it, I get ignored, or he gets all pissy.View Thread
We've been sleeping together for like a year and a half. I'm still young with a really high sex drive, he's older and doesn't care for sex as much anymore. At the start he kept up with me, foreplayed, oral, etc. But it seemed kinds short lived. We would/do still have intercourse, but nothing else. I only recently stopped giving him head cause I was tired of always giving and never recieving. I've talked to him about this MANY times. He'll eventually go down on me ONCE like every four months, almost his way of shutting me up for a little bit. I've become a little more withdrawn with our sex life over it, cause I don't get the satisfaction with ONLY intercourse every-single-time for so long. It's boring. The RARE occassion he does go down on me, it's not long, he doesn't go all out like he use to (literally just flicks his tongue back a forth for a little bit), and it's apparent he doesn't want to do it. So I'm just uncomfortable and not able to enjoy it the whole time. But than he puts his d*ck in my mouth and he gets it as long as he wants. I shave, I'll make sure I'm clean, etc. I've asked him if it's the smell, taset, if he just flat out doesn't like to do it. But he swears up and down there is absolutley no reason, and he loves to do it. But he never does it- along with all the other forms of foreplay! He claims it's just cause he's older and doesn't have the desire anymore. Yet he still has the desire to have sex and recieve!? Now he just gets all hostile and annoyed when I bring it up, so I stopped. I love him, and every other aspect is great. I enjoy the sex itself. I'm, not willing to leave him. I'm just bummed that that's all we ever give each other anymore. Like I said, it gets boring......... Thoughts, tips, advice?View Thread
It's been some time now since I posted this. Sad to say not much has changed. He seems to put a liiiitle more love into it by- a little more kissing, kissing/holding my breasts.. But still short lived, than its straight to sex. I'm towards the give up point with trying for oral sex. Cause he will do it on the rare occasion, but its short, he just flicks his tongue back and forth (when he use to go all out), and I can just tell he doesn't want to. So it makes it uncomfortable and unenjoyable for me. He gets frustrated now when I bring it up. I thought if I made more attempts at talking about it, discussing his general likes/dislikes in the bedroom, it would help determine and conclude some things. Buuuut he shuts me out now, and doesn't talk about it. Now that I'm pregnant, 10 lbs too heavy. And have stretch mark infested boobs- I don't really care to try anymore. My self esteem is enough to kill my sex drive now. So I throw in the towel, I suppose.View Thread