Did not reread, as I usually do before expressing my opinion.
From what you've said, he is pretty much exactly the guy you married.
Now you want him to change. That is unfair.
I strongly suspect that your reluctance to leave is because you know the odds of finding someone with his positive characteristics are low.
So, after the excitement of finding out someone new who likes the same bands, eats similar food, enjoys riding roller coasters, etc wears off, you're going to be with someone less compatible than the one you abandoned.
While having a lover on the side may work for a small percentage of people, the risks are high. A large number of people are harboring STD's they aren't aware of. Plus, everyone has baggage. Are you ready for the drama of someone else's past?
I believe happiness primarily comes from within.
Which spells doom for you in your current condition. You are going to end up unhappy, no matter what ... Unless
You recognize that you cannot change others, you can only change yourself.
Therefore, my recommendation is to visit a licensed therapist by yourself to attempt to understand why you're willing to give up long term stability for short term excitement.
And, like another, recognize that his time is His Alone. He chose to share HIS time with you and deserves your honesty and respect.
Finally, medical insurance defeats the principal of supply and demand. If everyone had to pay for ED medications out of their own pockets, the drugs would either cost less or not sell At All.
While considering the above comment, think about all of the millions of men with health insurance and woodies whenever needed whose premiums are assisting the thousands of male members (pun intended) who need pharmaceutical assistance.
While the above are not going to go away, reducing the time frame for patents, thus enabling generics sooner, would be the Right thing to do.
BTW, what happened to Webmd's debate section? (I made numerous posts there ...)
Many women, including my partner, believe that sex should conclude with intercourse and orgasms at that time.
She actually asks me to stop performing oral on her when she gets close - and have intercourse then. I'm a bit disappointed that I've been unable to add more variety to our intimacy. BTW, clitoral stimulation is almost always required for her to attain orgasm.
You have practice & success taking care of yourself. The downside is that, at least initially, that's what your body is ready to react to.
As FCL suggested, why not add your toy(s) to lovemaking? If you're concerned that he might question the need, bring it up in conversation first.
Also consider the vibrator will be stimulating him at the same time. Since he is also concerned, it is quite likely he will be receptive to additions that make sex more fun - for both of you.