If the herbal supplement you are taking is yohimbe, don't use it because it produces the side effects you are talking about. I know from personal experience. Since you are capable of an erection, I recommend taking fish oil. It is very good for you and your cardiovascular system and might improve your sexual response. Even if you don't have ED, ED meds might make it easier for you to orgasm.
Since you are both capable of orgasm, you are way ahead of many couples. You admit you have an intimacy problem so you can either accept things the way they are or put effort into fixing the problem. I'm sure there are couples therapy sessions that allow you to work on this.View Thread
First, to clarify, you can engage in intercourse but not orgasm? Second, is your wife able to orgasm when you have sex?
I can understand your wife's insecurity after being married to two men who don't want to have sex with her.
Something that I have a hard time understanding about women: I can understand a woman not wanting to perform oral sex, but I don't understand the hang up about receiving it as being wrong or dirty.
If your wife is able to orgasm from your current sexual activity, then you can work on your problem. You are visually stimulated and need to become more tactilely stimulated. Turn off the lights and kiss and caress each other. Concentrate on how it feels. Assuming your wife has orgasmed, think about your penis feels. Don't worry about the orgasm and put pressure on yourself.
Caressing and kissing your wife and allowing her to do the same to you will improve your relationship and possibly your sex life.View Thread
Things started to go wrong with the flirting. When you started the threesome, ground rules were not discussed and so no one can be blamed for what happened.
I would never flirt with another woman when on a date. If there was some interest shown by the other woman and I didn't think the relationship with the woman I was dating would last, I might contact the another woman.
I was dating a woman who was ok with open relationships and when I started a relationship with another woman I let both of them know about it and the relationships continued until the other woman insisted on exclusivity and I agreed and let the first woman know. No unpleasantness for anyone.View Thread
My wife records and watches the CBS morning news. There was a therapist on promoting a book on men and sex based on extensive interviews. He said that men were very interested and insecure about pleasing their partner. My reaction was that the men were probably in therapy sessions with him and that was one of their concerns. My reaction was that taking a more diverse sampling would have changed the results. I believe that if you want to engage in an activity that you enjoy that involves someone else you should make it as enjoyable as possible for the other person so the frequency increases. This applies to sex or recreational activities. A man who wants to have a good sexual relationship with a woman needs to be willing to take, asks for and encourage directions. Many women feel reluctant and embarrassed to discuss these matters. Even for the most skilled lover, there is no handbook for lovemaking. Every woman responds differently and the same women may respond differently at different times. Communication is the most important aspect of lovemaking. Regarding your last statement, it involves a definition of a lesbian. My simplest definition is that is a woman who is sexually attracted to other women and enjoys sexually pleasing them. I don't know if that definition applies to a woman who wants to be made love to by someone who knows a woman's body and isn't a man. In regard to the sexual relationships between men and women, my views would be like someone from another planet. Women spend an incredible amount of money on physical appearance, clothing shoes and makeup. They believe that men expect this and that is the rules of the game. Regarding their attitude toward men they are looking for physical attraction and romance. In a dating situation a man being a good person doesn't count for much. A lot of male romantic behavior is also playing the game and not necessarily an honest expression of feelings but salesmanshipView Thread
Most of us have an idealized view of what a relationship should be. If someone loves you they should make every effort to please you, within reason. In his case, engaging in more of a variety of sexual activity and for her to try things that might bring her to orgasm. Engaging in sexual activity where your partner gets nothing out of it is depressing and frustrating. personally, I'd rather masturbate than be accommodated.
I have dealt with the unmet idealized expectations for a long time. I understand my situation and I'm a very optimistic person and hope that someday things will change.
Having resentment about unmet expectations and keeping them inside isn't healthy and the only constructive way to express them is the anonymity of a discussion board.View Thread
My condolences. I had one outstanding year when I was dating two women. Five good years and then twenty years of sporadic sex. My wife is a very sexual person who can orgasm almost non stop for more than an hour. Due to PTSD she is only going to engage in sex when she is in the mood and can only be the one that initiates. I haven't given up. I recently retired and am hoping that things will start up again. She talks about it frequently. When we were dating she was open to a lot more things and even initiated some things that I didn't even ask for. The other woman I was dating had a very strong interest and knowledge of sexual activity. It was about as close to as a fantasy as you could get.
I will be interested in sex until I kick off.View Thread
He says that he has never given a woman an orgasm. My philosophy is generally that the more pleasurable sex is for your partner the more likely it will be offered. I would never get into a relationship with a woman who didn't enjoy sex. It shouldn't be a chore or an obligation. Any sexual favors offered should be done willingly not as an obligation and not when it makes you uncomfortable. Bad sexual relationships are caused to a great degree from lack of communication.View Thread
I'll be 70 in April and my mind is actively engaged and my penis not so much. Regarding a blow job. I'm assuming your wife is unwilling or you are unwilling to ask. You could always pay to get one. I had a girlfriend who enjoyed giving and receiving oral sex. I don't miss it.
Regarding giving a woman orgasm it depends on what you are willing to do and what your partner is willing to accept. If you limited to only a penis and a particular position it can be very difficult. If you are allowed to use your fingers, mouth, toys etc. it's a lot easier task. I've been married for 35 years and before I was married I was dating two women including my wife to be. The other woman really was interested in sex and had difficulty orgasming. She was willing to communicate her needs and what allowed her to orgasm. Eventually she was able to orgasm from intercourse as long as there was pubis to pubis contact. My wife to be had been sexually active for over 10 years and never orgasmed. The first night we made love I performed oral sex on her and she had her first orgasm which opened the flood gates for orgasms from intercourse and manual stimulation. Today she is only interested in sexual activity that involves my penis. I'm hoping that she changes her mind. For a long time giving orgasms has been more important to me than having them.View Thread