My wife records and watches the CBS morning news. There was a therapist on promoting a book on men and sex based on extensive interviews. He said that men were very interested and insecure about pleasing their partner. My reaction was that the men were probably in therapy sessions with him and that was one of their concerns. My reaction was that taking a more diverse sampling would have changed the results. I believe that if you want to engage in an activity that you enjoy that involves someone else you should make it as enjoyable as possible for the other person so the frequency increases. This applies to sex or recreational activities. A man who wants to have a good sexual relationship with a woman needs to be willing to take, asks for and encourage directions. Many women feel reluctant and embarrassed to discuss these matters. Even for the most skilled lover, there is no handbook for lovemaking. Every woman responds differently and the same women may respond differently at different times. Communication is the most important aspect of lovemaking. Regarding your last statement, it involves a definition of a lesbian. My simplest definition is that is a woman who is sexually attracted to other women and enjoys sexually pleasing them. I don't know if that definition applies to a woman who wants to be made love to by someone who knows a woman's body and isn't a man. In regard to the sexual relationships between men and women, my views would be like someone from another planet. Women spend an incredible amount of money on physical appearance, clothing shoes and makeup. They believe that men expect this and that is the rules of the game. Regarding their attitude toward men they are looking for physical attraction and romance. In a dating situation a man being a good person doesn't count for much. A lot of male romantic behavior is also playing the game and not necessarily an honest expression of feelings but salesmanshipView Thread
Most of us have an idealized view of what a relationship should be. If someone loves you they should make every effort to please you, within reason. In his case, engaging in more of a variety of sexual activity and for her to try things that might bring her to orgasm. Engaging in sexual activity where your partner gets nothing out of it is depressing and frustrating. personally, I'd rather masturbate than be accommodated.
I have dealt with the unmet idealized expectations for a long time. I understand my situation and I'm a very optimistic person and hope that someday things will change.
Having resentment about unmet expectations and keeping them inside isn't healthy and the only constructive way to express them is the anonymity of a discussion board.View Thread
My condolences. I had one outstanding year when I was dating two women. Five good years and then twenty years of sporadic sex. My wife is a very sexual person who can orgasm almost non stop for more than an hour. Due to PTSD she is only going to engage in sex when she is in the mood and can only be the one that initiates. I haven't given up. I recently retired and am hoping that things will start up again. She talks about it frequently. When we were dating she was open to a lot more things and even initiated some things that I didn't even ask for. The other woman I was dating had a very strong interest and knowledge of sexual activity. It was about as close to as a fantasy as you could get.
I will be interested in sex until I kick off.View Thread
He says that he has never given a woman an orgasm. My philosophy is generally that the more pleasurable sex is for your partner the more likely it will be offered. I would never get into a relationship with a woman who didn't enjoy sex. It shouldn't be a chore or an obligation. Any sexual favors offered should be done willingly not as an obligation and not when it makes you uncomfortable. Bad sexual relationships are caused to a great degree from lack of communication.View Thread
I'll be 70 in April and my mind is actively engaged and my penis not so much. Regarding a blow job. I'm assuming your wife is unwilling or you are unwilling to ask. You could always pay to get one. I had a girlfriend who enjoyed giving and receiving oral sex. I don't miss it.
Regarding giving a woman orgasm it depends on what you are willing to do and what your partner is willing to accept. If you limited to only a penis and a particular position it can be very difficult. If you are allowed to use your fingers, mouth, toys etc. it's a lot easier task. I've been married for 35 years and before I was married I was dating two women including my wife to be. The other woman really was interested in sex and had difficulty orgasming. She was willing to communicate her needs and what allowed her to orgasm. Eventually she was able to orgasm from intercourse as long as there was pubis to pubis contact. My wife to be had been sexually active for over 10 years and never orgasmed. The first night we made love I performed oral sex on her and she had her first orgasm which opened the flood gates for orgasms from intercourse and manual stimulation. Today she is only interested in sexual activity that involves my penis. I'm hoping that she changes her mind. For a long time giving orgasms has been more important to me than having them.View Thread
I've dealt with this issue. This is something you need to work on together. The goal is for him to stay erect for a long time before orgasming. I'm not stating the obvious. Once he is aroused stop all physical or mental stimulation until the urge to orgasm goes away. When it does, stimulate his penis with your hand and when the urge to orgasm seems near stop and wait until it goes away. Keep repeating the process until he can receive stimulation for a longer period of time and maintain some control. Move on to intercourse and have him withdraw if he feels even close to orgasming. Eventually he will learn to manage his ejaculatory response and should be able engage in intercourse for as long as he wants or you want.
I have orgasmed without any direct physical stimulation. Kissing, hugging and an aroused partner provide a lot of mental stimulation.
To make this process more enjoyable to you, teach him how to give you orgasms manually or orally before you and he work on his control.
If he doesn't masturbate frequently and hasn't an orgasm recently, it would be quite normal for a quick orgasm. Give him before you even start the process. It will help a little.
My situation turned around after having very frequent intercourse. I made sure that I had satisfied my partner before myself. Intercourse can also be done by grinding instead of thrusting and when my arousal got too high I would engage in the less stimulating method until I felt back in control. The grinding can produce an orgasm for women who normally can't orgasm from intercourse.View Thread
First of all, when I traveled I masturbated. It can remove any sexual tension and also is a great sleep aid.
From about age 62, I had erection issues and not having a strong erection doesn't make you feel good. Taking an ed med to improve you erection so that you can have an erection and masturbate is good for your self esteem.
Masturbation should not detract from lovemaking.View Thread
I don't know much about labels other than the most common ones. Things were a lot different now than when I was dating. The key word in your post is relationship. I assumed and a lot of people now assume that there is some kind of commitment beyond sex or a misrepresentation of intentions. Relationships are complicated and require effort. I passed on potential sex because to me it implied a relationship that I wasn't ready for.
I discovered that these were missed opportunities because there are good women who are interested in good sex without a relationship.View Thread