The pattern of your sexual relationship with your wife will not be easy to change.
Regarding masturbation: I'm 69 and have masturbated for a long time. I've lost sensitivity in my penis and orgasms are infrequent. I masturbate because it feels good and I don't worry about and erection or an orgasm. I even fondle myself to help go asleep.
Sex as an accommodation is a big turn off and your wife setting low expectations for you doesn't help. Your overall health and the medications you take can have an impact. The positions you can use are related to your physical ability and what your wife allows.
If you are ok with just accommodation, your wife is willing to accommodate and you are physically capable you could try rubbing your penis against your wife's vaginal lips and see if you can get hard enough to enter her. Don't be in a hurry and concentrate on the feelings.
Sexual arousal is determined by physical and psychological factors. My wife orgasming spontaneously gives me a harder erection than Viagra.View Thread
I agree with what others have said. Take your time and stimulate her clitoris indirectly. Regarding oral sex, I take direction well and would provide it if asked for. I prefer to use my fingers and plenty of lubricant. I would rather use my mouth for kissing or sucking. You can embrace, caress, massage and talk. This is difficult with your head between your partner's legs.
The word intercourse never appeared in your post.
I enjoyed intercourse with as little friction as possible. Even if there was normal lubrication, I liked to use a lot of lubricant. I found friction over stimulating and it makes your partner sore.View Thread
A strong erection and sexual desire are signs of good health. Both of these things are very important to a man. As he gets older you can expect his erectile ability to lessen. I have a very high sex drive and erections were easy at age 62, then things started to go down hill.
Having an erection and then expecting intercourse is not reasonable. I would say that men generally have higher sex drives than women. The difference in sex drives is made up through masturbation. Unless you enjoy watching, it should be done in private. Many men masturbate in the morning when taking a shower.
Making love is about giving not taking. He needs to be more aware of you needs.View Thread
Hating sex covers a wide variety of scenarios. Partner doesn't know how to please, a belief that sexual feelings are improper, physical issues that kill any interest in sex. Real lovemaking is not like it is shown in the media. I've had good sexual relationships where each partner takes turns providing pleasure to each other
If I were in your situation, I would do the same. Lovemaking is about giving not getting pleasure. Your husband knows the rules and how you feel, but that shouldn't stop you from enhancing his experience by asking sincerely if it feels good. One thing you might consider is giving your husband a chance to reciprocate. I'm not talking about sex or housework. Backrubs, massages various other shows of physical affection. If it remains one sided he's going to feel bad about it and then you have two unhappy people.View Thread
I generally agree. I think how long you masturbate is more important than how often. Longer is better training for having control during intercourse.
I would also add for the original poster that 1/2 hour of intercourse might be uncomfortable for some women. You need to last as long as your partner wants. I also recommend masturbating using a condom lubricated on the inside and outside and a plastic baggie. You can masturbate without your hands imitating interourse and not worry about the ejaculate.View Thread