I understand what you are talking about I recently posted about my wife orgasming while we were spooning. I had nothing to do with it but it gave me a stronger erection than I had in years. I just turned 69 and my erection and ability to orgasm are diminished.
Fixing your problem is limited by physical and psychological constraints. I'm not a fan of porn, but some couples use if for foreplay. Will your wife allow you to stimulate her manually or orally? Her response will effect yours. Is she willing to stimulate you manually or orally? The more things you are both comfortable with the easier it is to resolve.
You should also thing about your health in general and the medications you are taking. I have diet, weight issues and am taking bp meds. My situation might improve with a better diet.
Regarding constraints, I'm up the creek. I really enjoy giving orgasms. My previous girlfriend couldn't orgasm from intercourse when I met her. I became proficient performing oral sex. The first time I made love to my wife to be I orgasmed quickly and then performed oral sex. She orgasmed for about an hour. She had never had an orgasm even though she had been sexually active for more than 10 years. We occasionally talk about this and recently I asked her if anyone had performed oral sex on her she said no. I asked her why and she says she doesn't like it. Go figure. When we made love she liked to have orgasms for an hour or until she was exhausted. I was allowed to use my hands to augment my penis. She has PTSD and is only interested when she is aroused by her mind. Knowing that I have erection issues puts a damper on things.
I have tried ed meds and cialis and generic viagra have an effect, but not enough to produce a change I could demonstrate. I take 4000mg of Source Natural Horny Goat weed a day and I strongly recommend it. I wish I was taking it 4 years ago before things got worse. It is inexpensive and I have not experienced any adverse side effects.
I have BPH and get my PSA checked annually. I have never had my testosterone checked but would expect that it has decreased as I got older. I stay away from anything that is likely to increase my risk for prostate cancer; anything hormonal i.e. DHEA.View Thread
Aging is the enemy and things can go down hill fast. Overrall health is important. Personally, I found that delaying orgasm leads to a stronger orgasm. I had one one of the best orgasms in my life at age 60.
I'm 69 now and even masturbating, my orgasms are disappointing. Over the last few years, my sensitivity as descreased along with the strength of ,my erections. I can't even use the same technique to orgasm that worked well for almost 50 years.View Thread
Passion and fireworks are optional. Spicing things up and position may not improve things. There is a large component of mechanics. He needs to learn how to give you an orgasm and if you can't guide him, some reading is in order.
If he sees you orgasming (not faking) It might get his motor running.
He's bored because you aren't responding and doesn't know what to do.View Thread
Porn is a poor substitute for reality. First porn I watched was in the late 70's (movie theaters) , 80's video tapes .and 90's the beginning of the internet. I haven't watched any for 20 years. It's fake and repetitive. When I need a good fantasy, I go to my mind. Plenty of good stuff to draw from there.
I don't think listening to a woman having a fake orgasm is the same as lying next to a real person having a real orgasm.View Thread
My wife fell and strained some thigh muscles. She was taking pain killers all day and drinking (not a good idea). We were lying in bed with her facing my back. She has PTSD and sometimes when she is totally zonked she gets very aroused. She started orgasming for about 5 minutes without any self stimulation. I was a bystander and there was now way I would be able to get involved. I have ED issues and I developed one of the strongest erections I've had in years. I hadn't taken any ed meds and the erection was much better than when I take them. I'm hoping someday are lovemaking resumes. I can only evaluate my response from chemical or physical stimuli and it is lacking, but the mind can take it to another level.View Thread