We've been married 11 years, I'm 38 and he's 53. For the last several years, his sex drive is nonexistent. I've discussed with him several times, that I want more sex. He laughs it off and says "I've created a monster". I don't think wanting sex a couple times a week is crazy. However we probably only have sex once or twice a month.
I know somebody is going to say it's because of his age, and it may have something to do with it. But we've never had any physical issues that would prevent sex. (E.D. etc). So, everything is operational...
I'm a fit, attractive woman, so I'd hope my appearance doesn't have anything to do with why he doesn't want to have sex.
This morning I woke to him masturbating, in the bed, with me right next to him. Heartbreaking to say the least! It's not that I don't think he ever masturbates, I just figured it was only when I wasn't accessible, not when I'm just inches away from him. So clearly he has 'urges', but he's choosing to take care of them himself, rather than with me.
I'll be honest and say I've considered an affair. When I get frequently denied by him, it crosses my mind that there are men that be glad to have me in their bed. I would much rather be satisfied by my husband, but I also don't want to be forever sexually frustrated. I won't be 30 something forever. I do love him, although our relationship isn't perfect, nobody's is.
I guess I am just confused & wonder what it is about me that he's not interested in. In a marriage I thought it was part of the deal to meet the needs of each other. He knows my needs aren't being met, yet he doesn't seem to find it important.
I can find several things that seem 'off' if I look hard enough. However that doesn't necessarily mean anything. If I wanted badly enough to find clues of an affair I'm sure I could, but if I wanted to find clues that he's faithful, I could find that too.
The only solid clue that something could be going on is I found a browser window on his phone that was a listing of escort services in a town near where we live & one he travels to occasionally.View Thread
I agree about trying to avoid asking for sex for awhile. I am too available to him & sometimes I think that's a downfall of mine. He knows I'm available 24/7 so when he's ready I'm always here. Maybe if I'm a little less accessible he'll want me more.
Ignoring my urge for sex isn't going to be easy though.
Nobody's mentioned the thought that maybe he's having an affair. Maybe he's getting his needs taken care of somewhere else?View Thread
It bums me out because I really enjoy intercourse. I'd like more of that! But I enjoy it more before I orgasm. Not that I don't enjoy it after, it's just that not every woman can have multiple orgasms & for me, once I orgasm it feels a little different. I'm sure it's just me! I love four play & all the wonderful things that come with it, but it also feels a little self serving, because sometimes it's like he wants to get my O out of the way so we can focus on him. (That sounds awful & tacky). I wish I could explain it better.
It's like we go to dinner & I get served an appetizer, while he waits for the main course.
I do appreciate that he makes it a priority to see that I do orgasm. Big plus!!!
I just wish he was a better listener. Every time we have sex, I literally have to beg for him to..... & then he holds me off even longer. Frustrating.
But literally right now.....I'll take anything!View Thread
Actually over the last year, we've been much more adventurous. Basically anything he wants to do, I'm willing to give it a try. Mostly hoping we'll find something that will light some kind of fire in him. However the actual act of intercourse doesn't last very long at all (always been that way). He insists on me having an orgasm before the intercourse part even begins. Which has always bummed me out, but it is what it is. I try and do a good job of letting him know how much I'm enjoying whatever it is we may be doing. I'm far from a dead lay, if you will. I do find sex to be fulfilling, there are other things I would like for him to do when we have sex, but for now, that's really a non-issue. Right now, I'll take whatever he's willing to give. He keeps his erection without any problem. The overall sexual performance hasn't changed in anyway (that I'm aware of at least)
I agree about inviting him to 'watch' is a good idea. All of the toys in my secret box, he bought for me. We've used them together, so much so that I had to say a few years ago, that it would be nice to have sex without a toy involved. So he's very familiar with my goodies, but an invitation for him to watch me use them is a good idea!View Thread
I briefly considering joining him this morning & then got worried he'd be embarrassed and then the thought that there was a chance he'd deny me.....again & how I'd feel kept me from letting him know I was awake.
I've mentioned low t to him and suggested he get tested. It wasn't very well received. And it's pretty unlikely he will see a dr about it. I've actually considered sneaking in T cream/gel in his routine somehow. (awful, I know!)
I feel like I've done just about everything, but clearly I haven't, otherwise I would be here talking about this. View Thread
I've had a very frank conversation with him about my needs. But I didn't mention that I've considered looking elsewhere. I have told him that I tend to get more attention at the grocery store or coffee shop from men than I do at home. It pissed him off that I even admitted to getting hit on by other men, or that I enjoyed the attention. It somehow didn't register that I was trying to get him to realize that if I had more attention at home, I wouldn't be as interested in the attention from others.
Yes he was awake and attempting to be very 'sly' about it, although he wasn't too successful in that. I don't think he even knows I woke up (kinda hard not to when the bed is bouncing). I literally just laid there on the verge of tears!
A couple of days ago, I put my best 'sexy face' on and asked if he wanted a nooner. He promptly said NO! I've been straight with him about taking care of things myself when he won't do it. Hoping he would get a clue, he just says "how was it?" (I'm not against masturbating, whether it be him or me, I just don't see the need when I'm literally right there! I certainly wouldn't do it, if he was available/willing.)
Sorry about your similar situation...... It's so unfair!View Thread