I also discovered my wife masturbating many times in the course of our marriage (still married). At first I was angry because I wanted her to have sex with me instead of herself. I never spoke of it though, just let her get more and more audacious until one night she masturbated right next to me in bed when she thought I was asleep.
I finally just accepted that it was a part of her life that she liked and wanted to continue, so I began enjoying it and enjoying the discovery that she had done it; and like you noticed if the toys had been moved/used.
Now after 35 years, she still masturbates and I still try to discover that she has. We enjoy sex often with each other and often by ourselves.
Your wife, I think is holding something against you and is using the lack of sex as a power chip. Once you let it go, and don't ask and beg for sex; be indifferent - she will be hounding you for sex.View Thread