I feel, from what I read, is that the "real issue" isn't his (or your) sex drive. From him not wanting sex, until you yourself ask for says something. Loss of libido is a symptom of depression. A symptom, not the problem or cause. I feel you should be focusing on his emotions.
My brother is a one of the funniest people I know. He can hold the entire room's attention with humor. But when he depressed he become expressive with anger. He pushes buttons and becomes a jerk. Projecting anger is how he copes with the hard times of life. He won't admit he has a problem. When confronted by my somewhat arrogant father about his emotions he becomes explosive. When confronted by me, or my grandmother, who remain calm because we love him: he reacts better and listens.
I mention him because he is the type of person that best reacts to confrontation without anger. Cold truth. I feel you need be upfront and confrontational-- but be/ show that you are moved by love. He is the type that generally ignores his emotional side... and maybe your boyfriend is too.
Also, I have 4 years experience on and off antidepressants. It is a very real sickness. I feel that I am no longer physiologically depressed but that doesn't mean I can't mourn or feel sorrow with life's circumstances. I grew up being "told" depression is purely mentality-- It is not!!... It took suicidal thoughts to push me to see the psychiatrist. I thought f*** what my parents say or feel about it. I don't regret that at all.View Thread
Hypothetically, let's say your husband is very similar to me... He would be emotionally in love with you, but his sexual arousal would be a different and separate entity (something I really identify with). Not associated with you.
If he loves to hug, kiss, snuggle then yes. If he doesn't, it still doesn't mean he doesn't love you. If you read forums by asexuals, they definitely have romantic attractions. And some asexuals prefer little physical contact.
Speculation: Is it possible that he became a gerentophiliac due to his traumatic experience? I feel my philia is something so deeply innate and ingrained in my personality that it somehow jumbled together with my "sexuality." Something I can never change. Is it possible that his trauma became a deep discomfort which turned into a preference for older women? Many people can be subconsciously intimidated by people close in age but elderly people definitely are more comfortable to be around. If you get what I'm trying to say.View Thread
I'm going to be completely frank about myself, I feel it would help... From my experience as a paraphiliac myself, I feel he can "love" you, but only romantically... "Can" because I don't know either of you... I'm in my early 20's. Male.
If I were to my imagine my perfect relationship, it would be one without sex. There would be cuddling and kissing, but no sex though. I almost loath nudity as well. Though, I am attracted to the private areas... In other words, I find bras and panties atttractive. Nudity disgusts me. People having sex bewilders me (I find it strange, like if you were to see a couple immensely enjoying getting scalp massages). (And if everyone but you enjoyed scalp massages). My libido is aimed mostly in my paraphilia.
I think about about sex as a mental construct that creates arousal. Or an idea. My (and possibly his) arousal comes from a less common kind of idea.View Thread
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