It sounds to me like the issue that persists is one of trust. Hurt feelings are not the biggest casualty of infidelity, trust is. Your vagina is not affected by sex in that fashion - remaining stretched for a year (unless your partner in infidenlity was simply massive and actually caused damage). If your boyfriend believes sex with you feels this way, it probably does to him - but the affect is psychological. Since you cheated, you need to be patient while you work on ways to re-establish trust. You can't just say, "My junk is not loose!" You are going to have to understand what he is really trying to tell you.
It is so much better to end a relationship rather than be unfaithful - and hope to recover from it. Recovery is nearly impossible, and when possible the relationship will be changed. Sometimes for the better, but usually for the worse.View Thread
I ignored you incidental comment about pain. Sex should not be painful. There are numerous potential reasons for pain during sex, some are phyisical female health issues, some are psychological health issues and some are simple mechanics.
It is important to ensure that you do not have underlying reproductive health issues - pain can be an indicator depending on the nature of the pain. (e.g., endometriosis, etc.)
A (not-UNcommon) psychological health issue is called vaginismus. This is usually in young women, but involves the involuntary contraction of the muscles of the outer third of the vagina. This is usually a reflection of anxiety and may be felt as seveve pain - or pressure pain (like 'I am just too small'). There are easy relaxation and arousal techniques (which require partner understanding) to get past this. It need not be a continuing problem.
The physical mechanics issue can be a male partner with a large penis or a female partner with a shallower vagina. Some men do not understand that a large penis can actually bump into their partners cervix and cause pain - especially if the woman is not aroused sufficiently to reposition the uterus and effectively elongate the vagina. The 'well-endowed' man can learn about this - but women should communicate, even during sex.
As a young man (with a large penis) having sex with young women, I did not understand this - and my partners were not bold enough to tell me (I guess). My wife corrected this ignorance for me (before we were married). We can find all sorts of positions now that do not cause any pain at all.
Let me add one more thing ... we were also able to determine that it is the consumer's BELIEF about what is happening in the porn that is more important that the actual situation. For example, their are pron styles like mom/son and dad/daughter. If her has this in his collection, it does not mean he has any interest in incest (although it does not exclude this). He may be fantasizing about these two people role playing. Once again, the biggest attractor is the perceived level of DESIRE, not necessarily what they are doing.View Thread
Pornography is not a unidirectional influence. People view porn that arouses them. However, the Wilson principle predicts that the interest in any sexual activity will wane as the consumption increases. So ... men (and women) watch porn they like, but the availability of porn can influence - what we like. I caution my (college) students about this - and the potential to become attracted to more dangerous versions of sexuality.
That said, anal sex is not far from the mainstream anymore. I he is viewing anal sex, then he has some interest in it. he may simply think you will judge him negatively for saying it.
People watch threesomes because they are interesting. However, fears (legitimate and otherwise) are the biggest factors keeping them from trying it.
Men view more visual porn than women. If the women in their lives really wanted to understand their man's interests, she would spend some time perusing his entire collection.
Men should spend time understanding their woman's sexual interests - or simple romantix interests.
Nobody should engage in sexual behavior they find repulsive, but both might try to keep an open mind and find things to do which better explore available possibilities.
With out this, sex WILL become rote and uninteresting. At that point the interest level in porn or (romance novels, etc.) goes way up. Porn as a replacement for a partner is not healthy. Porn as an exploratory device is.
By the way, we did research on why men enjoy certain porn. What emerged as the number one factor, even edging out physical attractiveness of the stars, was the degree to which they believed the star was 'into' what she was doing, and 'into' her male counterpart. Follow-up with the participants who volunteered to be interviewed, suggests that many men fantasize about being 'wanted' or 'craved' actively, rather than feeling like they were being 'serviced'.View Thread
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