My brother has had MS for 5 years. He and his wife have been married for about 30 years. I don't think they have had sexual relations for about 4 years. I have talked to my brother about it and it's been mutual, due to his MS and her depression/anxiety attacks.
She had never had a lot of PDA (public displays of affection) towards him in the later years of marriage, but I know she loves him. My suggestion to you is if you want sex ask for it. If you think divorcing your wife of 21 years and you have MS will get you more sex, I believe you are wrong. You know the disease and the prognosis your looking at. Grab every thing you can out of your marriage. If she hasn't researched you disease, you do it and give it to her. Show her what your facing. Show her what she's facing.
My brother is now unable to walk, wearing adult briefs and has a urinary cath. He's 49 years old. He looks 60 plus years old. His wife takes care of him. Take care of your wife now while you can. You may be mad/resentful at her now, but you have to understand what she is looking at in her future also.
My wife hasn't initiated very much in the last 6 years we have been together. We got married about 2 months ago. When I ask for sex it's yes and we enjoy it. My ex wouldn't initiate and keep saying no when I did ask. If you have to initiate then initiate.
I don't know if it leads to infertility, but if you get off the seat and your scrotal area is really tingling, you may have blood circulation impairment. Loss of blood in the area over time could lead to infertility. If you cycling 100 miles a week, I'm sure you have the best equipment you can get. I would read up in cycling world mags and other studies. I'm a fat guy and I have to be careful when I take a ride on a bike. If I go very far, things in that area go to sleep until I can get off the bike seat. Then the tingling of needles come in to play. Like your hand going to sleep while your laying on it.
Your not a dirty old man. That is the term used before child molester.So we got older and things don't work as well as before. It just means we have to try new things to make things work. First thing you have to do is talk to your wife. Tell her how your feeling and find out how she's feeling. Sexual ideas and practices are different with everyone. If she doesn't want to do something, then try something else. You have been married for many years. I don't think in that time it was just you climb on and finish and she was satified. My gf was very shy about her body when we first met. I changed that very quickly. If you love your wife and her body. show her how much. Take showers together, wash each other off, explore with soaped up hands and wash the dirty away.
Cherish the woman you married and have spent your life with. Show her you still want and desire her. If she doesn't want to self pleasure herself in front of you, give her a body massage. She get turned on and you get turned on. She also let you see her in the light and before long you maybe able to have her self pleasure herself in front of you.
I totally agree with you. Brown stained teeth with a brown dripple stain is just so attractive. Then there's "worm dirt" (snuff) or dip. I would just "love" to kiss a mouth, after they put something that looks like a big earthworm crapped out in it. Let's not get in to the spitting and spit bottles laying around. By the way, I'm an ex smoker for over 10 years and stopped performing oral on my ex wife. Talk about licking an ash tray. One of the many reasons we got divorced. Now seeing her with her toothless bf and her teeth rotting out to her mouth, GOOD RIDDENS. 2 plus packs a day between them.
I agree with nowhard also. He has 2 choices. Tobacco or you.
You just answered a lot of questions for me. Job loss and change, stress, hormonal imbalance, and painful sex. No wonder she doesn't want to talk about sex & BC. Love, support and show you care is going to get you through this. I'm sure she would be there for you, so now be there for her. Take it slow, take your problem in hand occasionally, and be supportive. I'm not saying do this forever, but let her know you do care and after what you consider a good cooling off period, talk to her. All in all, give her a chance to change. After that the decision about your future together is yours.
I read on after I posted my reponse to your question. We have been talking for 3 days and you've gotten and given a lot of information. How long has this problem with your gf been going on?
Sounds a lot like what happened to me and my ex. You don't feel appreciated and your wondering where your failing. Guess what, Your not failing and I betting she appreciates you more than you know.
I don't know how long you've been together. I know when I started dating my gf, we were banging like bunnies. We were in our late 40's and 3-4 times a week. That was 5 years ago. Now it's down to 1-2 time a month. Our sex drive hasn't decreased, but our time together has. I work 3rd shift now and she's on 1st. She has to take care of her elderly parents with what time she has, also. That wasn't the case when we first got together. I still text her and call her at least 3-5 times a day. I get the same from her. We tell each other "Love you" at least a dozen times a day. We have about a hour or 2 we can be together on the days we both work. During that time, it's holding hands or cuddling or anything else to show how much we appreciate each other. I see her less now and we live together. It's hard.
You say your working 2 jobs and she's working. I can bet you don't get much time together. Even without the sex, you have to show each other you appreciate and care for each other. Remember to take time just for the appreciation and the sex will fall in there.
It's when you get the signs of "Don't touch me" or "hurry up and finish" or the one I dispised "yes dear, we can have sex, but don't finish inside of me." Those are the hints to get out. She just doing this for your sake and to keep you around. That's what I went through for 2 years. NO ONE DESERVES TO LIVE LIKE THAT. She wouldn't even hold my hand.
I believe right now, she's a good woman for you. Give her a chance to get the BC's right and look at your schedules. You might be suprised why she may not be in the mood.
I mean if your wondering if she has talked to her doctor or if she feels that the BC's she taking is affecting her in other ways. You have to ask her. Like Michelle said, Mind readers are a creature of fantasy.
Remember, add a fancy name to anything and increase the price. "Sex position pillows" are nothing new. Look for a look-a-like pillow at a department store or furniture store. Even a couple of throw pillows can help elevate her to the proper height. I know the work wonder for my knees, but don't get the ones with the buttons. They leave marks and can bruise. No matter what, use something that is comfortable and works. Even a rolled/folded up blanket can work. Don't worry about messing them up either, because they all will fit in a washing machine.
Don't give up. Keep trying to get better, but I agree with An 256614. If you both want to live with no sex, Okay. You can't be in a good relationship with that much of a disparity in sexual urges. Don't expect him to see it your way on this. I lived with it for most of my 19.5 years of marriage. I will not and advocate not to live in a relationship the that big of a disparity of sexual urges. I understand each person has different problems and solutions. You are trying to get those urges or making an effort to accept sex from your partner. I applaude you for that. Please don't expect a person you love to give up something that is very basic in a deep personnal relationship. Some people say sex isn't everything in a relationship. They're correct, but is very important in the mix. You have to start over with the therapy and try to adjust your depression medications. They could be the problem. I'm at a loss from my life experiances. My ex was on a birth control shot call Depro. It killed what little sexual drive she had.
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