I totally agree with you. Brown stained teeth with a brown dripple stain is just so attractive. Then there's "worm dirt" (snuff) or dip. I would just "love" to kiss a mouth, after they put something that looks like a big earthworm crapped out in it. Let's not get in to the spitting and spit bottles laying around. By the way, I'm an ex smoker for over 10 years and stopped performing oral on my ex wife. Talk about licking an ash tray. One of the many reasons we got divorced. Now seeing her with her toothless bf and her teeth rotting out to her mouth, GOOD RIDDENS. 2 plus packs a day between them.
I agree with nowhard also. He has 2 choices. Tobacco or you.
You just answered a lot of questions for me. Job loss and change, stress, hormonal imbalance, and painful sex. No wonder she doesn't want to talk about sex & BC. Love, support and show you care is going to get you through this. I'm sure she would be there for you, so now be there for her. Take it slow, take your problem in hand occasionally, and be supportive. I'm not saying do this forever, but let her know you do care and after what you consider a good cooling off period, talk to her. All in all, give her a chance to change. After that the decision about your future together is yours.
I read on after I posted my reponse to your question. We have been talking for 3 days and you've gotten and given a lot of information. How long has this problem with your gf been going on?
Sounds a lot like what happened to me and my ex. You don't feel appreciated and your wondering where your failing. Guess what, Your not failing and I betting she appreciates you more than you know.
I don't know how long you've been together. I know when I started dating my gf, we were banging like bunnies. We were in our late 40's and 3-4 times a week. That was 5 years ago. Now it's down to 1-2 time a month. Our sex drive hasn't decreased, but our time together has. I work 3rd shift now and she's on 1st. She has to take care of her elderly parents with what time she has, also. That wasn't the case when we first got together. I still text her and call her at least 3-5 times a day. I get the same from her. We tell each other "Love you" at least a dozen times a day. We have about a hour or 2 we can be together on the days we both work. During that time, it's holding hands or cuddling or anything else to show how much we appreciate each other. I see her less now and we live together. It's hard.
You say your working 2 jobs and she's working. I can bet you don't get much time together. Even without the sex, you have to show each other you appreciate and care for each other. Remember to take time just for the appreciation and the sex will fall in there.
It's when you get the signs of "Don't touch me" or "hurry up and finish" or the one I dispised "yes dear, we can have sex, but don't finish inside of me." Those are the hints to get out. She just doing this for your sake and to keep you around. That's what I went through for 2 years. NO ONE DESERVES TO LIVE LIKE THAT. She wouldn't even hold my hand.
I believe right now, she's a good woman for you. Give her a chance to get the BC's right and look at your schedules. You might be suprised why she may not be in the mood.
I mean if your wondering if she has talked to her doctor or if she feels that the BC's she taking is affecting her in other ways. You have to ask her. Like Michelle said, Mind readers are a creature of fantasy.
Remember, add a fancy name to anything and increase the price. "Sex position pillows" are nothing new. Look for a look-a-like pillow at a department store or furniture store. Even a couple of throw pillows can help elevate her to the proper height. I know the work wonder for my knees, but don't get the ones with the buttons. They leave marks and can bruise. No matter what, use something that is comfortable and works. Even a rolled/folded up blanket can work. Don't worry about messing them up either, because they all will fit in a washing machine.
Don't give up. Keep trying to get better, but I agree with An 256614. If you both want to live with no sex, Okay. You can't be in a good relationship with that much of a disparity in sexual urges. Don't expect him to see it your way on this. I lived with it for most of my 19.5 years of marriage. I will not and advocate not to live in a relationship the that big of a disparity of sexual urges. I understand each person has different problems and solutions. You are trying to get those urges or making an effort to accept sex from your partner. I applaude you for that. Please don't expect a person you love to give up something that is very basic in a deep personnal relationship. Some people say sex isn't everything in a relationship. They're correct, but is very important in the mix. You have to start over with the therapy and try to adjust your depression medications. They could be the problem. I'm at a loss from my life experiances. My ex was on a birth control shot call Depro. It killed what little sexual drive she had.
Like Michelle said, take it slow and easy. Give her a chance to fix it. Michelle is a very understanding woman and give great advice.
We can only give you advise off of our pass experiances. I'm very glad your a mature man, not a man-child who only expects his satisfaction. Your partner is a lucky woman. Be supportive and caring, but don't hide your feeling toward her.
If you have questions about things she's doing, you need to talk to her. She is your life partner and if you won't talk to her about personnel things, then how good is your relationship?
The first time I spoke "directly" to my gf, it shocked her. I explained what specific sexual act I want to perform on her, she couldn't believe I said that to her. I then explained to her that I won't lie to her or avoid telling her what I wanted from our sex lives. I expected the same from her. She is changing and is telling me what she wants from me. I hate stumbling around and guessing what she wants. I don't want her doing that either.
I tried to be a loving and caring husband. I got tired of the "not tonight, I'm tired, or the usual don't touch me." I tried bringing in extra money. She blew it as fast as I made it. I tried giving her what she wanted and got brushed off. Spending money on her made her happy, not horny. We were married about 10 years at that point. My son was 2 and she had been on the meds for about 1.5 years. The last time I had gotten any was when my son was about 4 months old. She started on the shots right after her 6 wk check up. She love it. no periods. No mood swings (total B***H mode) The last 6 months I worked 2 full time jobs and overtime at the 2nd job. At year 2, I moved out, got counceling with her. I told her and the councelor I could put up with about anything, if I only got sex. One afternoon, I got a BJ that ended up costing me another 5 miserable years. It took 3 years to divorce her. I was married to her for 19.5 years. I'm not saying I'm the perfect husband. I work, clean house, do laundry, cook, take care of things. All I wanted from her was sex. After the 2 years, the marriage was pretty much over. Yea, I have a thing about Depro. BC's in general changes a woman body chemistry. Take it slow and talk to her and her to her doctor. BC's can take a long time to regulate and finding the right match for you and yours.
I agree with Nowhard, Take your time and explore. If your cycle is out of wack, your having anxiety about sex, and your bf is large (in your opinion) you have to relax. Self exam and masturbation helps calm your anxiety, because you explore what you have. Sound like bf is taking it slow and that is a very good thing. Because your in H.S., I'm sure you don't have a lot of time to yourselves. Showering together and exploring each other's body helps with relieve the anxiety also. Sex is more than him putting himself inside of your vagina. You have to be comfortable with the idea of it and foreplay plays a vital role in that. Sometimes him exploring with his lubed fingers relaxes you. You have to get use to your partner touching you. That's a lot of anxiety in itself. That area has always been taboo and now you want someone to touch it. Take your time. You will enjoy it.