Been there, Done that. Only 2 kids. Went 2 years with out sex and then got a BJ that cost me 5 more years in a loveless marriage. She stepped out and I divorced the cheating B---H. Your not alone in any of this. The only advise I can give you is Keep trying and don't cheat.
Counceling, Doctors, Begging, offer anything, but don't cheat.
I have read all of your post and agree with you. Sex has to be high in the relationship. I know I'll get beat up by saying this, but my relationship with my gf is and always will be put out or get out. That is on both of us. If there is something medically wrong, that is different. Sex is important. There is no way around it. My father is a 74 year old heavy smoker alcoholic. He still expects it from his woman friends.
1) Lay down the law with/to the kids. My children always understood. you get what you get. Don't complain what little Johnny or Susie has or is getting.
2) Lay down a little law to the wife. She is to find time to go out and be with you. I have a friend who has 2 autistic children. He and his wife schedule 1 afternoon a week for a date. 4 hours. Both of his children need to wear head gear from time to time and they still make time for themselves. They both have full time jobs.
3) DON'T take being mocked from anyone. If your children do it take something away from them. A week without a cell phone will do wonders. Your wife does it, take something away from her. Tell her to go live with her mom or with the person she's comparing you to for a while. Your partners in life, not her punching bag. At times like that you have to be an A--Hole.
I know I can only read your side of the story, but I see a lot of what I went through. Fidelity to me is you stand by you partner through it all until they show no fidelity to you. My ex had sex with the maintance man. Greatest thing he ever did for me. LOL Good LuckView Thread
I don't which suggestions your talking about, but cheating is a big deal. I agree with tlkittycat1968 . Not every cheater will cheat again. I was cheated on by "ex-wife". I don't know if she cheated on her current bf, (don't care) but each person is different and everyone has reasons for what the do. Some people it compulsion, others it's a one time mistake, yet other's it was just something that happened. I can say this,each person has to live with their own decisons and actions. How they deal with it is a big part of who they are. Good LuckView Thread