We've been married 10years with 3 kids(9,8,7). My husband is an only child who's father left when he was 6months old & at age 6-7 his single mother got sick with chronic fatigue, bi-polar, depression, fibromyalgia. He took care of her & himself even after step-dad came into lives at age 10. Step-dad fell off roof while working & broke back during early teens, so they got him a dirt bike. When his mom would get sick or in hospital he still had to care of because step-dad on weekends went/goes to bar. My husband about age 15 came home from school & find mom unresponsive with empty bottle of sleeping pills. At about age 16-17 husband & step dad got into argument & husband kept quite while step-dad yell & got more mad for him not answering then his mom smacked a ceramic vase over her son's head. Around that time frame husband began to look at porn & do phone sex calls & he never had a girlfriend until after he graduated. She cheated on him in his truck & he caught them & after began calls & chats & porn's again. Him & I met a little over a year later. He told me right away about his mom being sick & that if we would have plans or I was sick he would be taken care of her because step-dad wouldn't. The first time I got after a month of knowing each other his mom was sick too & step-dad was at bar, but my husband stayed with me even when I tried to force him to leave. We moved into together after a few months & he was not doing any of the sexual habits. We were planning to get married over the summer & 2 weeks before we got married found out we were having a baby. By end of of pregnancy he started to look at pics online: girls in stockings & hiding it from me. Went in spurts of this until about Christmas but just 3-4 weeks ago found out. He would at times get out of bed & go to computer & get off, 1 night I walked in on. We had a lot of money & me serious health issues,surgeries, bed-rest with 2 pregnancies for 8 -10 weeks with both & last one was premature. 2 years ago I caught him talking to his ex. All this while dealing with my dad dieing & a controlling step-dad and a mom whom doesn't defend son & we had 2 separate receptions for wedding. I over the past 2 years have gotten much better! Just moved away form his mom; my mom gave us her house 2 months ago. Been working on ground for pool since June9th, trying to unpack, he works third 6 days a week. He has been thrilled to move near my family, which is extremely large. Over the past 4 years living near his mom & now with the move has grown very distant from her, could careless to see or talk to her. Every time she called it involved money and how step-dad was threatening to divorce her because with the move& all we missed a payment on a Lowes card. This time of the looking at stuff I was ready to leave. He for first time cried over what he had done, said he had decided he never wants to do it again & needs me to help him. Since things have been wonderful with us, talking & we have worked out me wearing stockings to help fulfill his need. But problem; right after everything of me finding out, when we had sex i noticed him getting semi limp during sex but getting it back so i didn't say anything, then 2weeks on anniversary his mom called about money & 3days later we had time alone & for no reason i was up until 4am crying, when woke up had sex & in middle; it went totally limp. later he broke down& anxiety attack. We've been having sex once maybe 2 times a day with only 2-3 episodes of slight softness, regaining hardness w/out it interfering. Now we are curious if the limpness could be stress & guilt induced? oh I began cutting self when i caught him at computer & every time he has done stuff, this time I actually did it in front of him & i still have markings on belly from it. We have began to wonder if his start of porn stemmed from mom since vase? Every time I got really sick he did the stuff & now I'm better & last time he tried to look at pics he could only get semi-hard.View Thread
Thank you Gail. You have given some pretty good ideas. To the exhaustion playing a role we have thought that with stress too. About the clunked on head and how his mom picks step-dad over him wondered & no girlfriend in life at point in time he began looking for someone or something to feel the space.
For the marrying his mom idea I myself had thought that at points. And before I didn't have my mental break down until 5-6 years after we were married my two surgeries & bed rest were during that time frame. My PE and chronic fatigue didn't come into until 4 years ago July 2009. But before that I still did stuff I was very good at multi tasking and everything.
Okay so on the last part of realizing he married his mother. We both are wondering then why did this periodic shriveling not happen until the beginning of this July when I have been doing so much better & since last summer I was doing better just kidney stones hit me. But I cook, clean, etc. almost everything I did before. The shriveling until after I happen to come across that he did the looking at porn again which found out was the end november 2012 and only then, nothing since & nothing from the time before that in March/April 2012.
actually i do see a psychiatrist for about 6 years now and therapy for 8 years.And unfortunately my husband is unable to see anyone because of his job. He has to have clearances to do his job and they consider any type of mental health issue grounds for pulling clearances and then he looses his job. But thank you greatly for your advice on that. That what I meant by my health issues though. I am bi-polar, and developed chronic fatigue after my hysterectomy & then pulmonary embolism, & all the bed rest. I also last year I had to be stinted for kidney stones and found that my kidneys are full of stones, then I got bells palsy right after Valentines day. But once my mother offered us her house and have got meds straight I am doing exceptionally well. I use to not be able to take care of my kids and now I can so much it's amazing. I have dealt and learned to deal with my issues which is why I feel I have handled this better than normal after my episode of cutting. And it took me years to tell anyone about it except him and my cuz. Now & for about 3 years I have no problem talking about it & have been able to avoid it a few times in the past 2 years. But again thank you very much and sorry for such long response. I just thought i'd give a little more info and see if you have any other ideas.View Thread